Shame

Hey,

How do you deal with shame? I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome and it causes a lot of shame and embarrassment for me.. I've become almost a complete hermit because of it.

Next week, a friend is coming over to watch a film and I'm already dreading it. What if my stomach gets upset and I have to keep running to the bathroom, and all the noises and and and.. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but it's a real issue for me.

I dread 'leaving' the scene, so to speak, psychologically.. dissociating. I dread being ashamed of myself and wanting to hide, but obviously, I won't be able to physically hide from anything, but I can detach emotionally so that I'm not there.. it feels like I'm floating, then. But I HATE it because I KNOW there's nothing wrong with me and I shouldn't be ashamed of myself.. But I don't feel it

There's nothing to be ashamed of, we're all human. I would explain your problem and excuse myself when necessary.

it doesnt sound ridiculous. i would feel the same way in your place. i think the way i would try to handle it is thru humor. i would be honest with my friend about my condition and what she can expect to happen during her time with me, that i may make noises and have to take breaks and i have no way to control it and that i find it totally humiliating and that i hope she understands. i would let her know what a challenge it is for me to have her over and that she should consider herself special that i am letting her into my confidence...lol.

then when i make noise i would laugh and say, there i go growling, just like i told you i would........and when i have to run off to the bathroom..the same thing...pause the movie...bathroom break.....maybe even take a bet before the movie starts as to how many times you will have to break.

i hope you dont find this offensive.i dont mean it to be. i just have a weird sense of humor. i have to laugh at my illnesses or else i would just be forever depressed. take care. i hope it goes well.

A true friend would understand and be supportive of your issues. One time I was visiting a friend out of town and I got got a 24 hour stomach flu. I was down and out and puking. She was so gracious and took care of me.

You could also blame it on the film you are watching.

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate your help

I wish I could joke about this problem because it is rather ridiculous that I have no control over how and when my stomach works, but I just feel so down due to all the ways this is messing up my life (can't hold down a job, feel sick and disgusting most of the time, hardly any social life..) that I just feel like crying about it, and then it hurts when others make fun of it.. Not that I was offended by your message, kaliope, I know where you're coming from and I'll work on finding humour in this somehow..!

my husband has diverticulitis, bowel problems. We learned to laugh about his gas noises and sometimes its hysterical!!!The poor guy is sufferring so much although i feel bad for him, i hope you feel better and learn to laugh it off if you can find someone who doesnt mind your predicament!!!

Hi d.o.a, try to remember, remember, remember that the effects of this aren't anything YOU are doing, NONE of it is deliberate, so why should YOU be so ashamed of the effects?? They're out of your control.
And if anyone "disapproves" well..........tough (for them!!) !!!!
Something medical like that doesn't need to define you..........and anyone who can't see past that, well it's their loss.
Now, remember you're more than something your body does........there's a whole person behind that........a person that holds much more importance than a physical reaction/effect.
And friends..........if they're going to "look down" on you because of that.......well they aren't true friends. And in that case you just up your standards on who you're going to call "friends" hey??
True friends aren't going to behave that way!!!
And I am really sorry if it's physically limiting you as it can sometimes do
But maybe have a look into some more areas where it might not be so limiting........because you do deserve (absolutely deserve!!) as many opportunities out there which can still make you feel fulfilled.
If a job's out of the question right now........maybe a few hours voluntary work here and there..........and you could still explain (without embarrassment!!) the problems you may have.
For socializing........maybe there are different activities/places that may be a bit more "accommodating"...........
Maybe more of a look at what might be possible.........because you are more than your body!!!

Alison

Alison, once again, thank you SO much!!!

The weird thing about my getting so stressed out and worried about this is that I would NEVER treat anyone else who was ill in a way I fear I'll be treated.. No, I'd be sympathetic and sorry for them for having to go through all that, and would do my best to help them get through it.. How come I can't extend the same kind of sympathy on myself??? When it's me who's ill, all I can think about is how my condition makes other people's lives a misery.. Not really my business but theirs! If they can't deal with it, they can leave..

I actually feel I'm scared it'll be me who cannot leave 'friends' who aren't true friends.. I grew up with abusive parents and am afraid I won't know I even have the right to severe ties with people who're less than supportive.. Abuse is what I knew and got used to, so I'm worried I'll mistake it for love.. It's mad! Just need to have the courage/strength to tell people to p* off if they can't accept me in sickness AND in health..!