Hey there,

I've been out of a job since last April due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia. I'd like to start looking for a new job, but fear is holding me back from returning to the world of socialising! I feel I've identified this fear as being afraid that other people will be angry in the same way my parents were.

I've always been scared to death of conflict. I feel it's because my parents' anger was uncontrollable and destructive - writing this now, I'm getting an image in my mind of shielding my head with my arms and running for cover..

I know intellectually that not everyone is going to be angry in the same way - that some people - most, even - will be angry in a 'normal' way, a way that won't hurt me - but I guess I need reassurances.. Perhaps by you sharing some experiences where someone around you was angry and their anger didn't hurt you in any way.. I'm not sure if this is the way for me to get over this, but I guess it's worth a try.

As always, your help is much appreciated

[kaliope]

i am so sorry you had such crappy parents. just describing it made me flash back to my own father so i really was able to feel for you. i stay away from people and relationships myself because of it. but i have discovered most people are not like my dad.

i work in an office and i am terrified of getting in trouble. i make it my goal to be perfect so i do not get in trouble. everybody is very kind at work. i wont lie though. occassionally my boss has come unglued and inappropriately "yelled" at me. it hasnt been often and it has only been when she is very stressed out. she hasnt really raised her voice. i just take it that way because of my past. but the thing is, once it is done it is done. she lets it go and it is over. she is no longer mad. sometimes she even apologizes. so it really isnt a horrible thing. i have learned to credit it more to her stress than anything i have done so i dont take it personally.

i have discovered there are very few mean people out there in the world. a couple, but not as many as i thought. give it a chance. you will see you have more support than you imagined.