[H-H-H-H]

This article talks about: How To Not Take Personal Attacks Personally ? What To Do Instead | Leveraging Adversity

I have struggled with personal attacks. The article provides helpful information.

[kaliope]

thanks for posting!

[Thunder Bow]

Personal attacks are all about controlling you. It is the same as bullying. The best protection is knowing who you are. Remember the one bullying you, knows nothing about you as a person. They only want Control.

[Artchic528]

Ah..control...why do I let them so easily control me? Maybe I'm just....meant to be controlled....or maybe I'm not meant to be social...social lives are over rated anyways....

I'm just a little nostalgic for interaction from time to time, but I'm sure I can get through those tough times...I am stronger than I appear to be.

[Open Eyes]

H-H-H-H,

This can be a challenge if one has been a victim in their past or is struggling deepy in ways others fail to understand or respect.

I have been a member here at PC for going on 4 years now and one thing I vowed to do is remain who I am no matter what mistakes I make. I already know I am human, I am certainly not perfect and am bound to make mistakes and I also knew that because I was struggling badly with PTSD I may react "first" before making a conscious decision to react.

While reading a how to like this, in order to actually achieve it as with everything we learn, we have to practice actually doing it. Well, because I have PTSD and a very challenged history that has hurt me in ways I did not realize, I have had to be very patient with myself. It is also important to recognize the personal attacks we enact on ourselves as well that comes out in negative self talk.

This is something that for me has been very, very hard. How do you explain what it is like to experience something, witness something destroyed in front of your eyes and have to "try" to remain composed when someone sits across from you purposely trying to find ways to punch holes in what you are saying happened to you? That it doesn't even matter if you slip into a flashback right in front of this person and cannot even answer because you're trapped in the flashback and it cuts out your ability to talk. It doesn't matter what truth is to this other person, what matters is their ability to argue against it in whatever way they can. Even if they believe you, can see how broken you are while sitting across from you, their job is not about that, but instead their job is not to care. Seven years and counting is a long time to deal with this challenge.

One can go along living their life in spite of some big challenges and making some gains when all of a sudden something comes down on them that puts them in a place they never could have imagined. I honestly don't know what is worse, the shock of the huge loss or all that has come after that keeps it in the present for so many years now.

[Hellion]

They should make one called 'How not to make personal attacks, What to do instead' did not read it, but while it is good to have skills to deal with that sort of nasty behavior with minimal damage...I do kinda dislike how the focus always seems to be what the person who is a victim of the personal attack or worse should do different and never really much addressing of what ways there might be to discourage that kind of thing in the first place. Still do plan to read the article though.

[Open Eyes]

Hellion, I hear you. This advice is not meant to criticize you or to defend those who bully and behave badly either. It is just a tool, designed to acknowledge how bad people "can" be and how to learn to better respond to these indiviudals. This advice can be hard to achieve when a person is struggling with PTSD or other psychological challenges resulting from being a victim of this kind of toxic behavior in others.

When an individual finally developes PTSD or what is called complex PTSD, they have been "hurt/injured" so badly psychologically that when they experience these challenges they often respond "before" making a conscious decision about responding. Unfortunately, what many do not understand is that this "injury" leaves the individual often very disappointed or even ashamed of how they respond before they think to respond better. Or, even when a person experiences these intrusions from others they can get triggered so severely they are in a great deal of pain or become incapacitated in some way either by a visual flashback or an emotional one that can be just as severe. And the key word here is "intrusive" which so many do not understand, not unless they have first hand experience of how debilitating it can be.

When people read about PTSD and look at the symptoms and see "avoidance or isolates", they really don't understand that an individual does this because they are often avoiding the pain they endure "if" they are triggered. Unless someone experiences it first hand, they don't realize how much work it really is to function and try to interact with others in a normal way.

However, there are other challenges that individuals have as well where they do not easily pick up on the nuiances of bad manerisms of others and can be very literal or sensitive where their brain fails to present the necessary chemical responses that regulate their emotions normally.

We are just really beginning to understand these different challenges and have been trying to find ways to address individuals that struggle where they can learn how to do what others seem to already be capable of doing without much thought. As we are learning we also try to create more awareness so that when someone witnesses, for example, an autistic child have a rage/temper tantrum they are doing so because their brain is not producing the chemicals that help an individual actually stay under control when they are stressed or struggling in some way.