Life-limiting fear

Hi there,

I feel that fear is keeping me from living my life. Whenever I get any new ideas, I always end up too afraid to even try them out. I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia, and often, it's hard for me to even get out of the house. Obviously, I cannot keep living like this, so I thought I'd try what my therapist has encouraged me to do many times - to share my fear whenever I get afraid. She says sharing is the way to move forward when you're stuck in an emotion.

Maybe we can all share our fears in this thread when needed

Many of my fears seem to stem from the same 'root' - I'm afraid of what people will think of me. This goes back to my childhood where I had to please my mother in order to receive 'love' from her - obviously, it wasn't love at all but acceptance of doing what she wanted me to do. I can't live like that anymore, trying to please other people! I want to live my life the way I see fit and I can't let my fear stop me from doing that - so from now on, whenever there's something I really want to do but am scared of doing, I'll come and share here, and you guys can tell me there's nothing to fear anymore - deal? Obviously, I'll return the favour to anyone who needs it!

Take care!

Hi d.o.a.

Great post. You are very aware of your issues and that is a great start.

I am an ACOA and I have some codependent behaviors like you stated. I am afraid of making mistakes, I think. I don't need the approval of others like I used to when I was younger. Going to support groups has helped me get through some of my issues. I do live a fear-based life. I am figuring out how to stop this process. I seem to worry about only the most practical worries. I kind of put my fears into a category. I am too organized ...even in my own head. New diagnosis...organized worrier....

Hey d.o.a, Have you ever seen the movie "Defending your Life" (Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep)? It's all about going to the afterlife and having to explain why you did various things while you were alive. It's all about life-limiting fear and it's pretty hysterical too.

- vital

p.s.

You can't please everyone. Thus the fear does not work. There will always be some one who will not accept you, no matter what you do.

Thank you everyone, for the replies and hugs - you people are great!

sideblinded, my mother's father was an alcoholic who beat up his wife and sons when drunk.. My mum is the eldest of five children and seems to have taken the role of a caretaker in their family. I feel that the same patterns of behaviour and feelings of shame transferred to our family, with the 'elephant in the room' being, not alcoholism, but the fact that my dad is either incapable or unwilling to Love.. I feel my mum's never been able to accept this fact, and it was something we all had to try and hide, and on the other hand, I felt my mum wanted me to try and change my dad into something he was not. So, there we were, pretending to be a happy family to the outside world when in reality, it was hell..

At the moment, I'm trying to pluck up the courage to attend an Al-Anon meeting like my therapist suggested to see if it might be for me.

As for the worrying - I just had a conversation with my T yesterday about how worrying (or any other activity) can become 'chronic' and in a way, an 'illness' when you do it for a long time. For a while now, I've wondered whether I even want to be happy because I'm always stressing about something - and to my utter bewilderment, I think I've realised I'm scared to let go of all the things that are making me feel awful, yes - but they're also the only things I've ever known - I'm good at them and know who I am when doing them. My T said that it can be fear of 'What will I do with my time if not this!' So, basically, I need to learn a whole new way of life..!!!

vital, I haven't seen the film - will have to find it somewhere! Looks quite hilarious and maybe one of those comedies that ends up having a surprisingly deep meaning to it..

Thunder Bow, absolutely - can't please everyone.. I've been like a human chameleon for most of my life, changing according to who I'm with.. It's maddening But while it's self-defeating, the other alternative of just being myself holds the risk of not being accepted, and I've felt like this would be confirmation that I truly am unlovable - which is how I've felt since my parents didn't accept me for me.. Gotta learn that even when people don't accept me, it's not the truth about me..