I'm a Control Freak

Hi,

I've come to realize over the past two years I am controlling. This is something I am working on and am learning to let go of things. But I still have problems when one of my coworkers tries to tell me what to do and they are not my supervisor. This coworker gets involved in everyone's job and tells them what to do. This coworker has no training or background for my job and has slowly been getting more and more involved.

It is causing me a lot of anxiety. My supervisor will not talk to her and my supervisor lets her do whatever she wants. This situation has caused a lot of frustration and anger to the point I am looking for another job.

If my coworker was my supervisor and really knew how to do my job I wouldn't not have a problem. It's like my coworker is acting like a "big shot" in front of everyone, but does not want the responsibility or liability of my job.

I'm not sure how to get past these irritable feelings and just let go. The problem is on my mind almost all the time and interrupts my sleep. I just don't like being controlled by someone who has no business getting involved in my job.

Has anyone else dealt with a bossy controlling coworker?

every job i.v ever had, about 6 of them, there was always at least one of them like you describe. i actually quit a job once when i was a teenager, because of it. i learned to stick up for myself, a lesson waiting there for me, not to let these people get to me, but i stuck up for myself since then. it does take courage because we fear losing our own jobs, but maybe you could say something to the person and confront them on their misbehavior toward you and let them know they make you feel uncomfortable, alone. do something funny like asking them to share your breaktime with them, or ask them out for a drink after work. i know i had alot of friends at one of the jobs i had because i asked everyone out to the bar across the street and we all started meeting each other there, i didn't have a great job like anything special but was a menial produce clerk, going to school too. the school people also wanted to join in and it was a blast every weekend. i never had a happier time in my life, at such a menial job, but lots of love spreading around and people just having fun.

I have and I handled it by simply repeating OVER and OVER until they got the message "Obviously I'm not doing MY job to YOUR specifications. Why don't you come over here and show me how you want it done so you don't have to waste anymore time on me and can focus on YOUR job."

All said in a chipper voice with a smile of course And yes I emphasis the bold words. I hate confrontation but sometimes it is just necessary.

Yes ~ every single job that I've had, I have had to deal with bossy coworkers. Unfortunately, this is a reality (in the US, anyway) that we must come to terms with sooner or later.

It stinks. It's frustrating. It's stressful. It's depressing. The list goes on!

However, learning a comfortable strong way to handle yourself through these types of situations also brings a lot of personal growth and some self-confidence. I believe that many of us would come up with different words or reactions. Honestly, I am still working on finding what a comfortable reaction is for me.

Sometimes, I get snooty & tell the person to "back off!". {I don't feel comfortable with myself after this though.} Other times, I let it go. {This can feel okay for me.} Then, I've had other times in which I've tried to be as politically-correct as possible, but held my ground. {This has happened least often, but was probably the best outcome so far.} Going with the last seems like the smartest option, but it's a challenge. Emotional outbursts are a lot easier to blurt out! A double whammy comes in (for me personally) because of a brain injury & surgery, words are very difficult for me to recall. Especially when I feel emotional on the inside.

I wish you the very best at finding what works best for you. Take care!

Just take it as helpful advice, then ignore it, if it does not fit.

Yes, I've dealt with that too. It's very annoying.

One technique which has sort of worked for me is to just thank the person and then ignore what they say. When they complain to me that I didn't do what they told me to, I thank them again, but still continue doing whatever it is I am supposed to be. I might say that a supervisor told me to do X and they should probably talk with that person.

I guess I just try to deflect as much as possible. That really is super annoying.

Another thought - have them show you how to do what they want. In really gross detail. Ask a lot of annoying questions. If the cost to them of bossing you around is high enough, they might stop doing it.

I am controlling also. It sucks. I like things a certain way but then again I can also be flexible when it is not life or death (which it tends not to be) but I have a hard time with pushy coworkers or demanding people. I've been the director over 10 years and now that I'm at a new job I am low man on the totem pole. It is ok with me but I jsut bought a book called "How to deal with Difficult People" which is funny to me, maybe sort of sad, because why did I buy this book? TO CONTROL THE SITUATION. I guess I am controlling. I have a hard time with pushy people. Maybe it's because I am one. I still want to read it and learn what I can from it.

Thank you all for sharing and advice! Part of my problem is I am too sensitive and I am not assertive. I just roll over and take it because I do not like conflict. Changing jobs would not help because like avlady said there will be someone else pushy and bossy.

So I can either learn to cope with it or one of the suggestions was to ask my coworker to show me exactly how they want it done to their specifications.

I'm thankful to have a place to vent and people who understand.