[Yismymindblank12]

I used to be the kid who got everything he wanted even when I didn't want it. Then my parents got financially screwed over by their own poor decisions and illegal mortgage modifications from the bankers/timeshare guys who fell and lost their company into the tank and went broke and all their shares and stocks disappeared in 2008.

So it destroyed my parents credit since then, I've been struggling a lot many winters. We don't have much food as we used to, I'm happy we do go to st. vincent de paul and other charities to help us with food. At the same time, I starve myself to conserve on it longer. I also, feel that it's killed my future in a lot of ways.

I can't afford college while paying for insurance a house and every bill that I can never afford working at mcdonalds. I can't get ahead in life when not having finances holding me back, my parents income is too high for college financial aid/FAFSA to actually give me barely enough to survive a semester.

Rather I chose not to go, I'll be an under grad for idk how long. I didn't choose this life and my parents credit is so destroyed living anywhere is almost unbearable, but I'm grateful they get some things going.

I hate how my friends who aren't in my position hate me or be mean to me for not contributing. When I can and able to I do all the time. Some friends I do contribute a lot of the time for my own stuff or pay for things for them.

It's frustrating, at 21 you can't enjoy being young. I'm not college poor, I'm below that. I can't afford food. I barely now only have 200 in my account for it to be taken away and chipped away to about 20 bucks from all my checks. I should actually have 1,500 now and on top of that other income as well, but that's all gone away now.

Dating, forget about it.. I don't think one girl will take me seriously. Rather, that's not my concern anymore, my sister was so lucky to get out of it, because she lives with her bf and pretty much gets a free stay and all this nice stuff.
What I get nothing, I can't do what she does... I find it so angering. I can't enjoy life without having no money at all when I'm working very hard to get more hours they can't give me any hours. Plus now moving, I can't get to my job a lot easier now on top of that. I really hat how they aren't giving me enough hours to pay for this stuff.

We are moving out of this house we are renting because we can't afford any of it. It's just not fair. I didn't want to be here and I hate how all my friends have their future's paved for and mine destroyed by things I have no control over.

Many days I just want to kill myself in an areas where my body can't be found so a funeral wouldn't be in the question. I'd just be missing. I wouldn't want anyone to pay for my funeral. This is such ****.

I want to see my doctor and therapists. I can't afford to get myself better medically. I can't vent my problems. I bottle them up and have no control of this. My money doesn't belong to me when I earn it. It never feels like I earned anything I work for rather. I'm just struggling to get more pissed off. I feel moving in with my cousin's isn't going to make things better, I feel my issues would not help me there. I'll be an almost hour and a half away from my job. I can't transfer to a closer location because it's privatized.

I can apply to a closer one, but what good would that do? I really don't have much of a choice. Either I get some money or not have any at all.

I have a cyst that's growing in my jaw and face that's very large and it's going inward to my face. My neuro problems have gotten much worse when they happen and my wisdom teeth look like they won't be coming out anytime soon. Rather I'm just waiting for a near fatal infection to put me in the ICU from it. All thanks to this f'd up situation I'm in.

That gets me so mad how people treat people who are in my position like ****.

[avlady]

i am sorry you have to be in this situation, it seems hopeless, but you never know what might be around the corner. could you get a new job that pays more? i know thats alot to ask now, but you may get lucky if you applied somewhere, as you said you have some college experience. i hope you can also get some help for your teeth, i will pray for you and the situationyou are in. i am a person that doesn't have a big income, in fact my husband doesn't make much, and i'm on disability from an accident.we sacrifice alot, but somehow the bills get paid as much as we can afford for the months. i hope all goes well

[Yismymindblank12]

I don't have college experience. My sister and friends do. Sorry should of clarified.

[hannabee]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this but it sounds like your anger is not helping. Hard to let it go, but you really have to. If I were to make a list for you about where to start, it would look like this:
1. Get your medical issues handled. Find a free clinic, there has to be something available at your income bracket (Obama care failed you?? That sucks, but there must be something you can do)
2. Think about moving away from your parents and how to accomplish that. Rent a room from someone who needs help around the house and will give free room and board maybe?
3. See if you qualify for scholarships for school. I didn't think your parents income applied at your age, but maybe I am wrong?? Look for courses somewhere other than a college, maybe through the local YMCA? Or offer to work part time for someone for free to get some training in a particular field??

I wish you all the best and hope things turn around for you soon!

[Yismymindblank12]

Yeah financial aid changed the rules, so instead of actually getting people the help they really need their income is so biased and usually wrong. Doesn't mean if my parents together could make about 40,000 annually through both their checks doesn't mean they'll have the money period.
These colleges expect you to have money, I chose cheaper colleges still the same result. I don't like how this is all set up. If I have to I'll leave america, for free tuition in other countries or cheaper tuition, because this is ridiculous. I can care less about a piece of paper proving I can do something or not. So what the millions of other papers mean the same thing.

I know plenty of PHD MD doctorate degree people who are completely stupid, but know their stuff of what they only study. It's quite sad, it completely destroys the purpose of getting that degree. I have Dr's and neurologists who did the same for me.

At the same time, psychology and psychiatry studies aren't as hard as the the therapists make it. I know everything and anything on cbt, dbt, despite not good with all the terms like. I know how CBT works, it doesn't help much when you know how it's being used on you. It's better I feel validated and that's all I accomplish getting my short term resolution in my therapy sessions, because I know too much. I know what it's like to feel almost all the different disorders.
How to put oneself in one others shoes and discarding your own ego on top of that.
I read about freudian theories and worked my way to the other pioneers of modern psychology.

I find the dsm a dictionary of crap... It's a dictionary that's bad at being one.

I know that even though it's not perfect therapists use their own flare and personal skills outside of schooling to help their clients and patients. Some use the term client over patient to build a balance of respect for the person who is being helped. That's why my therapist is another CBT therapist, it's the most popular at the moment for many obvious acceptable reasons in today's society.

At the same time, it's good for what it is currently.

I do know how the brain works very very well. From each chemical to each neuron to each synapse and calculating from my read how vast the scale is. It's so big, too big of a number, but none the less measurable my medical issues made me realize one area in my brain in front of my cerebellum in my middle part of my brain where my hippocampus is located and below the frontal lopes of my brain is where my pain originates for my disorder. I know this, because I can feel it. It's been there for years.

On top of this, I know what a coma is like.
You can actually overkill your brain with some chemicals that keep it alive and it can cause an electric short circuiting. Like a bursted circuit breaker it can burst literally and lights out for awhile, but your brain can recover.
Your brain is one of the fastest recovering organs in your body other than your mouth.

I know how germs in your mouth can cause major infections from tiny cuts you can cause and abrasions of opening gashes in you teeth and gums and can cause gingivitis and cysts. It's why I don't believe I have cancer.

Cancer is in the genetic genome, it's been there in your dna since you are born, some are born with a higher chance of it affecting the body.

Like the sun our bodies use constant energy and by design we are born to burn ourselves out.

I found out after exercising we exhale through our mouths to expel C02 gases and some other minute gases back into the atmosphere to help us lose weight from burning the lipids in our body fat reserves.

I learned paralysis is more than what you may think it may feel. It can make you forget how to use your body properly and sometime involuntarily kill you from stopping organs from working all because of a misfire in the brain.

I know that in the galaxy, there are gases and elements that aren't in our solar system. It's stupid to say there isn't. Everything you learn in the classroom isn't all lies or cut out from the real truth, but a lot is.

Learning how native americans signed a peace treaty with the feds in california way back when to tax people on top of the federal home income taxes. On sacred land, there are two loopholes to that law, one the federal government can technically take the land and rights of the native americans by force, but at the same time. The native americans have the right to the land from the get go by birth right. So even though the United states is top dog, native americans have full rights on property that doesn't belong to the american government and that we have a couple countries inside our states. That you aren't aware of including the reservations and puerto rico.

I learn all and everything.

It frustrates me my knowledge and I can continue making references to things I know to prove I wish I didn't need some stupid degree for a job.

I know being a scientist you don't need to go to a fancy school. I found out after those schools some people go into engineering as something in some corporation to make lots of money, but the ones who are the most daring don't do that entirely have a fancy degree all this money wasted on a small apartment in a run down part of town. And making chemistry or lab experiments of technology to capitalize on their own ideas alone.

Which is the truth despite the schooling it will never get you a job. If you really want the job you want you have to go there and make it happen.

I was lucky with the connections I have for music, but this one thing I don't like about music which is making me a bit turned off on making money on it. For me to get lots of money, I should make a fine line between being different and unique while at the same time sounding relevant.

It's very very hard to do on every skill level. Those famous people's skills are no much different than yours, they just took the time to get better at what they can do naturally or practiced hard enough from nothing.

Think of it as an rpg, you have a set skill base like in a video game you can do more of that skill and it raises how good you are at it.

I feel my life is gone to waste, because of money.

It's like it's what's holding me back. I would want to have millions of dollars in my personal account to do projects and things for myself whether I want to make a corporation or not on it. I want to make stuff for fun. Whether videogames, software, electronics, vehicles, so on.

I want to build a hovermotorcycle like a modern day drone, but bigger instead of buying an 80,000 dollar one off some rich guy who is selling them this year.
It's a simple design and all I need to get good at is sautering metals together, building and assembling rotary blades and make it light weight for it to fly high enough above the ground to about 15 to 30 ft in the air max. Making it user friendly to drive with handle bars like a real motorcycle it would run off of gasoline. IT would have hazard lights, and legal stuff to make it somewhat more road legal. Yes I may not be allowed to take it on public roads, but if I tried it. I don't think it would be that bad if I knew it works and it won't hurt anyone. I know how to make it exactly how I want. I would love to make it go 75 mph.. So a lightweight design would only be the only way to make it possible.

See with this knowledge, I think I should just build the stuff I want and buy the materials and build it. Not waste time on school. If bill gates did it and steve jobs did. So can I?

[hannabee]

Seems like you are very intelligent! I hope someone recognizes this sooner rather than later! Good luck!