[darkpurplesecrets]

No words, no sleep,......no anything, just silent tears. Feeling like we will never belong, never heal, and have been forgotten. It is no wonder no one wants us.....over and over their words ring truth.......a truth we will never forget. We are worthless and nothing. That's what they said................they must have been right all along.

[sideblinded]

(((darkpurplesecrets)))

I don't know what precipitated these feelings but I hear you and I am here. I'm send you a care basket with many hugs from afar.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( dps ))))))))

[Mindful55]

dps

[Thunder Bow]

11,122 posts and all the other credentals I see listed on the left, I can't see what you said to be true. You must feel you have some value here!

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets

No words, no sleep,......no anything, just silent tears. Feeling like we will never belong, never heal, and have been forgotten. It is no wonder no one wants us.....over and over their words ring truth.......a truth we will never forget. We are worthless and nothing. That's what they said................they must have been right all along.

When one suffers abuse from others it never means these others are ever right. When one has hurt parts that are confused and struggle it never means they are worthless or nothing, it means they are human and have hurts.

Often the sense of shame and unworthiness comes from failing to affect change in the abuser. But people are abusive because they learned how to be abusive and they really don't know how to "care" so they build up anger and act out avoidance in abusive ways. Often abusers abuse because it is their only way of feeling heard somehow. They tend to pick on ones they consider the weak because that is how they themselves feel inside and somehow they feel that by hurting others it keeps them above being hurt themselves.

Healing takes time ((darkpurplesecrets)), it's about slowly developing a part of one's self that is patient, learns about healing and what it means when others behave badly, learns how to heal and grieve and give self permission to do so. But also makes gains on paying attention to negative self talk too, and builds up the "will" to decide to practice self love/self care and also the will to learn how to be more resiliant.

[darkpurplesecrets]

we don't understand. is it so wrong to feel or hurt? seems so. but we do. we just do.

[Open Eyes]

It's not wrong to feel hurt, not wrong at all, it's human, very human ((dps)). Resiliance includes feeling, grieving and healing by slowly getting validated, but also learning from these hurts, even though it can be a painful journey. I don't want in anyway to imply that for some the healing isn't more challenging and it is not a just. It can be hard to learn how to allow one's self to "feel" and then not feel bad for just feeling as it can feed into feelings of defeat or unworthiness.

When you say "we", you are talking about parts of you that were hurt and at the time you had no knowledge about what to do with these "hurts" and feelings of not being safe. Triggers are "questions" that come up, often emotional questions or remembering when one was being hurt and did not know what to do. We are all supposed to have a nurturer present so when we have emotional hurts and fears, we are allowed to express them and the presence allows us to sit with these feelings and be validated and comforted and this presence is supposed to help us understand how to overcome these hurts and that yes, that was a bad person or yes burns hurt or yes that was scary etc. Well, if a child doesn't have that they instead try to find ways to escape or run from their emotions, not their fault. Feeling like one doesn't belong is exactly what a child feels like without the encouragement that they "do" belong.

However, it is actually very "normal" for each human being to question at times "if" they belong, this site is one example of just that.

[sabby]

Soft and gentle 's to dps and whoever wrote this thread.

You are not forgotten my friend(s). You have the right to have the emotions and feelings you are having. I think it took a lot of courage and strength for you to post here and I'm glad you did.

I know it's hard not to believe what they told you about being nothing and worthless. I do not believe any of that for a moment. I believe that you belong just like we all do.

I would like to listen to what you have to say. I would like to understand more of why you feel as you do. I do care about you. You can talk to me anytime you like. We can take it slowly okay?

sabby

[jimdd810]

I feel what your saying. even in my marriage ive felt alone for a long time. Its no wonder she turn away from me. I suck the happiness away from every thing. And now ive cheated on her looking to ill an empty hole. I started my Zoloft and its helpingme at least be clear on what I need to do to fix myself. Everything will be good is my new mantra. It was liberating. Possitive thinking will help