[Steiner of Thule]

Throughout the day my emotions have been going up and down. Everyday it's like this. I wonder to myself if the meds are losing effect or if they always sort of sucked for rapid mood changes.

I hate the irritation feeling and the depressed feeling. I can't stand being in my skin. Sometimes the thoughts of hurting others pops into my head. I rarely feel suicidal anymore but I do get times where I hate everyone and want them dead.

Not sure why. That old jealous rage perhaps. I hate happy people. My days are empty feeling, I can't remember how I get through the day really. It's a blank. As if I am hibernating.

I don't know. I do know that I feel irritated every day now. Irritated at nights especially. Sometimes I feel so irritated I try to do something to stop the thoughts. Rapid bad thoughts that become deafening. I can't think and I feel like I am suffocating. I'll take double my usual meds. I'll hit myself. I'll want for others to hurt me physically, not for pleasure but to try and focus my mind on something else like pain. A great frustrating feeling.

[sideblinded]

((Steiner of Thule))

It could be time for a med adjustment. Hope you feel better very soon.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by sideblinded

((Steiner of Thule))

It could be time for a med adjustment. Hope you feel better very soon.

Thanks,

I dunno. I haven't been on these meds long. Though I tend to feel med resistant. I've been overall better I guess on these. I can actually drive a car and go out sort of. I still don't really want to but I can now.

[striking]

Irritation is a sign of depression for me. Sometimes it surfaces due to frustrating experiences making me feel powerless, insignificant or worthless. Hopefully you will seek help before hurting yourself. Call a crisis hotline if nothing is working for you

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by striking

Irritation is a sign of depression for me. Sometimes it surfaces due to frustrating experiences making me feel powerless, insignificant or worthless. Hopefully you will seek help before hurting yourself. Call a crisis hotline if nothing is working for you

I'm not suicidal though. At least not now. My rage comes from a narcissism I think. At least I tend to realize it.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by striking

Irritation is a sign of depression for me. Sometimes it surfaces due to frustrating experiences making me feel powerless, insignificant or worthless. Hopefully you will seek help before hurting yourself. Call a crisis hotline if nothing is working for you

I'm not suicidal though. At least not now. My frustration comes from the narcissistic side of me.

[striking]

Crisis lines are not just for suicide. Check out some of the available options. A more local option is probably best because of their knowledge of the area and its resources

[avlady]

I get irritated at the dog, he is my main problem, i never hurt him but he gets under my skin especially when things are going not soo good. he keeps taking my spot on the couch, is always under my foot and i can't eat a meal without him panting for food. he is a beagle so he barks all the time, does't come in when called, and eats like a pig. just venting!!!

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by avlady

I get irritated at the dog, he is my main problem, i never hurt him but he gets under my skin especially when things are going not soo good. he keeps taking my spot on the couch, is always under my foot and i can't eat a meal without him panting for food. he is a beagle so he barks all the time, does't come in when called, and eats like a pig. just venting!!!

My cat is annoying when she gets into that "i want to piss everywhere mode." or the "I'm gonna drool on you because I have no teeth." Can really grind my gears.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by striking

Crisis lines are not just for suicide. Check out some of the available options. A more local option is probably best because of their knowledge of the area and its resources

I don't know of anything local. I live practically in the middle of nowhere. Don't see how calling them would help me in anyway except have the police at my door step.

Are you trying to get me arrested?

[divine1966]

I think the advice is to get you more mental health help rather than get arrested. Do you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist? Tell them how you feel.

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[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think the advice is to get you more mental health help rather than get arrested. Do you have a therapist and/or psychiatrist? Tell them how you feel.

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I have a psychiatrist. Well he is new because the last one moved away. No therapist. I can't understand my psychiatrist because of his heavy accent. Either way he'll just tell me to go to therapy. I don't see him again until March. I don't know how therapy would help. I really don't. I've done therapy in the past. Always just feels like a waste of time and a disappointment.

[divine1966]

Therapy helps me. T might suggest strategies and most dark feelings I can't share with no one but my t. I think not understanding my doctor would suck, I would change him

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[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Therapy helps me. T might suggest strategies and most dark feelings I can't share with no one but my t. I think not understanding my doctor would suck, I would change him

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I can't understand most doctors because all of the doctors are foreign. (wtf is this.) I don't have a choice in who I get because they are the only place that take my insurance. The county insurance. I also have to go to a specific store for my meds because it's also the only place that takes my insurance. I'm boned and basically have to accept what I get. I have no choice in therapists (he's already predetermined.) and I have no choice in what doctor I get because it's either one foreign dude or another. (seriously every doctor is foreign.)

[divine1966]

Sorry. Don't know where you live. Here only some doctors are foreign. Most are Not. My therapist is foreign born but that's because I preferred somebody who had experience of immigration as I am foreign myself. But the rest of therapists in the clinic are all Locals and so is a psychiatrist. You do need better help than what you getting just unsure how you can get it. Hugs

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