[Ne5o2]

A man dying, the girl clean him up, touch his face, tell him to walk toward the light, don't miss her, she will be strong. Look at the cardiac monitor, heart rate slowing down 100,90,80,60.. beat by beat, he is gasping. Vitals unrecordable. The girl warn herself not to cry but tears keep dropping, her mind want him to go but her heart is telling the opposite. Cardiac monitoring show a flat line. She grasp my arm saying he is gone and burst in tears. Check the vitals, listen.. his heart stop beating.

Depressing..

[QuagmireTrekker]

You recall me my father. I also saw the machine recording my father's heart beat dropped gradually to zero then rang. Then medical personnel asked us if we wanted to apply electric shock on him. They said the electric shock would inflict pain on him and finally he would still pass. If not, we needed to sign. Bombarder (Father's wife) said she agreed to give up solving his live by giving up electric shock and she asked me to sign. I refused to sign because I wanted Father to be back so I didn't sign but cry. Then the doctor announced Father was dead and asked us to go out because they needed to remove all pipes from his body. When we entered again, I saw Father's lip lost the usual fresh red color; this triggered my tear again.

Though this event has passed many years, I still can't believe Father has passed. Today I dreamt Father was painful and was accompanied by Bombarder, who refused to serve his need. Bombarder is such a miser who always takes saving money as the most important no matter what. I really hate her harsh behavior of taking money as paramount over all else. Even Father sufferred there, she still kept saving money as her first consideration in mind.

Since there was no Father, I don't know any meaning of going home. In the past when I went home, my main purpose was to see Father. Now I prefer to stay outside pretending Father still alive because I can't be used to be in such a home without Father. Such a home without Father is like ghosts' inhabitance without any positive animation; if you want to ask if there is any animation there, there's indeed negative animation, which is the bombs given off by Bombarder, who is absolutely generous in giving you bombs but absolutley stingy in giving you anything costing her money. The toilet got broken long time ago, Bombarder didn't fix but just bombards you if you use it and make it stink. The warm bath facility was broken long time ago, Bombarder didn't fix it and if you wash your head in the kitchen (only kitchen has a stove to cook water if you want to use warm water to wash your head) making the ground wet, Bombarder bombards you.

[avlady]

my grandmother died 20 years ago to the date yesterday. i had to make the decision to unplug her. she was braindead for a week. we did, and i remembered she told me if she was like that, to pull the plug, so i did.i understand you, maybe you thought you shouldn't have done it, but the person is better off now, they are not sufferring or just existing.you did the right thing. i hope you feel better about it soon.

[QuagmireTrekker]

I never signed. It's Bombarder who signed. I don't know why Bombarder herself didn't want to sign initially but asked me to sign; probably she felt guilty though she wanted to give up electric shock. I don't agree to give up. I just couldn't accept giving up solving Father's live. And actually I had never seen a dead person before Father so I didn't know the difference between a dead person and sleeping person. When I daw Father lied in the morgue, I suspected he may be still alive.

Actually I kept not being able to accept the fact that Father was not alive anymore in my subconscious, so not long after Father passed, I often made the dream with the scenarios that Father died is just a dream or that Father resuscitated or that though Father has died but become a soul who I could see anytime. Whenever I waked from such a dream, I felt so dissapointed. But as time evolved, I didn't make dreams of that kind anymore. Now if I dream of Father, the scenarios are usually that he lives with us as usual as the past before he died like the event he died never has happened or that he is painful or weak, just as what I saw him in the hospital.

[avlady]

i hope you feel better. your father died? he is in a better place now try to remember that it may help.i'll pray for you too.

[shortandcute]

I'm sorry about your father; that must be really hard.