[connect.the.stars]

I think I have an issue of putting up walls. When people point it out, it makes me more depressed because I do it without expecting anyone to try climbing over them. I don't know why I put them up. To purposely watch people fail when they run into the concrete? I feel cruel.

[Fuzzybear]

Hi there,

I'm guessing you're putting them up to protect yourself.. What sort of relationships have you had in the past? Have they been painful? This would, of course, lead to you trying to shield yourself from further hurt.. But there are good people out there, too. You don't need to protect yourself from them You just have to learn who you can trust. And you can also learn to deal with getting hurt as there are never any guarantees even with people who seem the nicest at first.. But pain is 'just' emotions.. emotions that you accept, feel, and move on from..

I put up walls too. The most painful thing I have ever experienced is dropping my walls and exposing my kindness and vulnerability only to be discarded. I think walls protect those of us who are truly emotional and very vulnerable. It depresses me too when someone points out my walls to me.

[PianogirlPlays]

I have a lack of protective ways. I get hurt often because I really put myself out there. My openness gets painful.

[pegasus]

((( connect.the.stars ))) Try not to give yourself a hard time about this. I do it too and it is a protective measure to guard from getting hurt. It was obviously needed badly at some point and it is a natural reaction so it's not a really bad thing. Being aware of your own reactions means you can make better judgements and even then we sometimes get it wrong. Trust takes time.

[connect.the.stars]

Thanks to everyone who replied.

It's not that don't trust anyone. Rather, my parents tell me I trust too easily.

I don't hide my problems from others to protect myself from them. It's so that I don't have to listen to myself say things I don't want to hear about myself.

I know people genuinely want to help me.

I think I unintentionally hurt others by invalidating their concern for me.

My sister got really frustrated with me for telling her to leave me alone.

There was also one night I was drunk and crying with one of my co-workers. Despite my display of emotion, I still had my walls up. I felt bad when I kept refusing my co-worker's offer to listen to what was wrong.

My parents tell me I need to be more open with them too.

It makes me sad.

I don't say things unless people pry.

I can't expect everyone to keep caring if I push them away.

I hate myself.

What are the things you don't want to hear about yourself? If you can bring yourself to open up about them here first, maybe that would make it easier for you to talk about them in 'real life' as well..

Then again, you don't really owe anyone anything.. If you don't want to talk, you shouldn't have to. Can you tell the people who care about you that you appreciate the fact that they want to help, but that you don't feel the need to talk about what's on your mind just now? And that if you ever do, you'll tell them? That for now, you can just have fun/do whatever you feel like doing..

Hugs!

[Thunder Bow]

Those who "point" it out may be putting walls up them self. Those people want some thing from you, but do not want to ask you directly for it. Thus they will not tell you what they want from you. You do not post as if you are someone who is putting up walls.

[connect.the.stars]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

What are the things you don't want to hear about yourself? If you can bring yourself to open up about them here first, maybe that would make it easier for you to talk about them in 'real life' as well..

Then again, you don't really owe anyone anything.. If you don't want to talk, you shouldn't have to. Can you tell the people who care about you that you appreciate the fact that they want to help, but that you don't feel the need to talk about what's on your mind just now? And that if you ever do, you'll tell them? That for now, you can just have fun/do whatever you feel like doing..

Hugs!

Thanks d.o.a. The things I don't like admitting are my own mistakes. (I know that sounds really immature of me.)

I did try telling my parents that I would tell them stuff later, but they took that as a sign that I don't love them. The fact that I would have rather talked to a therapist really bothered them.

I think I'm really bad at showing appreciation since I'm really quiet. I also have a tendency to be a people pleaser, so I hold back on saying things that will get me into doing something I don't want to do.

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Those who "point" it out may be putting walls up them self. Those people want some thing from you, but do not want to ask you directly for it. Thus they will not tell you what they want from you. You do not post as if you are someone who is putting up walls.

Thanks Thunder Bow. I have no reservations talking with a therapist. In that sense, I don't put up walls.

I got some insight from chatting with someone that my issue deals more with the fact that I strongly dislike myself for not being how my parents want me to be. If anyone comes near to discovering my flaws, that I am faking being an amazing person, then I prefer not to talk about it.

The walls are containing me inside. Not keeping other people out.

It doesn't sound immature at all.. You're scared, and that's OK.

You sound so much like me.. I used to try and be perfect for my mother.. And I'd never talk to her or my dad about how I'm feeling because my dad doesn't want to know, and my mum can't handle emotions very well. I've found it incredibly hard to trust anyone because I was shamed so many times in childhood by my parents when I tried to express myself. I haven't wanted to go through that hurt again. As a child, I started to believe I was flawed somehow and tried to compensate for that by being perfect in everything I did. I started seeing a therapist some years ago and she's really been the only person in the world I've been able to trust enough to tell her almost anything. This is probably going to sound sad, but I thought that since I'm paying her, she must listen to me - I was so certain no one would out of their own free will - that's how worthless I've felt because my parents didn't accept and love me as I was. Paying her also meant she couldn't turn me away 'when she got bored of me'.

My guess is that you put up those walls initially to keep people out - the people who didn't accept you, for whom you couldn't be what they wanted you to be - so that you didn't need to feel the hurt anymore. But now, you might realise on a subconscious level that the walls aren't necessary anymore - that if you meet someone today who doesn't accept you for who you are, it doesn't mean you have to abandon yourself. It might hurt, but you can learn to tolerate and accept those feelings without needing to lose yourself.

[connect.the.stars]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

This is probably going to sound sad, but I thought that since I'm paying her, she must listen to me - I was so certain no one would out of their own free will - that's how worthless I've felt because my parents didn't accept and love me as I was. Paying her also meant she couldn't turn me away 'when she got bored of me'.

I have a story that would make you reconsider this idea that "just because we pay our therapists, they must listen to us."

I had a therapist that I was only able to go to for four visits. She was amazing. Understood why I felt oppressed/trapped at home and why I wanted my independence and freedom so much... She also knew I had just started working and that I was shelling out money out-of-pocket to see her since that's how my employer's medical insurance worked. On the fourth visit, I told her how I had gotten into multiple intense arguments with my family about my coming to see her and that today was going to be my last appointment. That session ran overtime by almost 30 minutes, and at the end I wrote her a check for the usual amount.

Here is the part that really flabbergasts me. She still has yet to cash that final check from my bank account. At first I thought she was just waiting until the end of the month to deposit it, but it has been over two months already. My medical insurance even sent me a receipt documenting that I had paid for four visits.

I like to believe she did that out of the kindness of her own heart. She understood how hard it was for me to fight the stigma my parents had against me seeking mental health services.

[connect.the.stars]

I've taken the PTSD screening test multiple times over the past three months and I always get "PTSD Highly Likely." I don't think any specific traumatic event really happened to me. So I looked into the sub-forum C-PTSD. Got a lot of insight from this here:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/compl...plex-ptsd.html

Avoiding talking about something or not wanting to talk about my guilt is a coping mechanism for PTSD right?