[AzulOscuro]

Hello!
I have living a bad time. I have avoidant personality disorder so I find very hard trusting people.
But, now I feel moré open up people and I'm having the opportunity to conect with some of them.
The problem is that I trust in someone as a friend. He is the most wonderful person I ever met. He always was a support for me along three years.

In some way, he disappointed and made me upset the last months we were closest then ever. I'm not angry with him. I offered him my friendship forever. However, he seems reject it.

What to do? How to be able to trust someone else when the best person in Your life failed you?

[Dustyharley2]

I can't say I totally know what you're going through but I also suffer with AvPD and have been burned by a trusted friend. That time things got better when I took the time to tell him what I needed from him. I hope this gives you hope in your struggle.

[AzulOscuro]

I didn't want to enter in detail bc it's a tough tópics but let's say we wasted this last months very very close. Then, I realized that I couldn't go on with him like this. I'm moré comfortable in the friend zone for several reasons and I offered him my friendship but he haven't still accepted. I thought I was a special person for him as he is for me.
The thing is that now, I'm afraid of becoming close up people again.

Thank you for your help.

[striking]

He didn't fail you yet. He has own emotions and struggles as well, so give it time. Be caring and be there if he decides friendship is okay too. If it doesn't work out, understand you did your best but sometimes life happens and we cannot control it.

[AzulOscuro]

But it's not the case that he loves me or anything similar. I mean, he is not in love with me.to be honest, what I'm moré concern on is coming back to trust someone.
He was the one who stayed with me along a depression, he was the one who helped me in everything. We shared a lot.
Is it possible a truly friendship?

[striking]

If a person can stay through three years of suffering while offering support I would say they were a true friend. Emotions are tricky though and they sometimes make us do less than rational things. Unless he has told you what is going on, all you can do is give it time.

[AzulOscuro]

Thank you!
I'm sure he's a true friend. That's the reason why losing him is so painful. Indeed, I never had a better friend than him.
I can give him all the time he needs. I will leave him alone.
I haven't done it yet bc i want to help him with his issues. He is also an avoidant.
I'm not that kind of person that stays with arms crossed. But, I will leave him alone.

Thank you again. I needed to talk with someone about it.

[striking]

It doesn't hurt to say you are thinking about him after a couple of days either. Simple words to let him know you are there when he is ready. Best wishes.

[avlady]

maybe he is scared too, you said he was av too. yes, give him alot of space and let things happen on their own, maybe you dont have to be unseperatable, but you can be there for each other.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by avlady

maybe he is scared too, you said he was av too. yes, give him alot of space and let things happen on their own, maybe you dont have to be unseperatable, but you can be there for each other.

This is exactily what I want. We don't need to be so close like these last months. We can stay as before.
As you say, this is what he needs or wants, space and I'm gonna give it to him.
Anyway, I'm afraid he said goodbye forever.

Well, people have the right to say goodbye, yeah? That is.

Thank you, AvLady!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by striking

It doesn't hurt to say you are thinking about him after a couple of days either. Simple words to let him know you are there when he is ready. Best wishes.

I talked with him today, after replying a post by you.
It seems that he is upset by me and that I did things bad putting preasure on him to cope with my insecurities.
I'm gratefull bc he talked with me and gave me his view.
Perhaps I'm guilty I use to be very direct and communicative about my feelings when I trust and I don't think enough how this way can affect another person. Perhaps, I think other people are as trasparent as me.

To be honest, I'm learning now to deal with people.

Thank you for your help!

[striking]

Its great that you are talking again. Boundaries and honesty are important and this development is going to make you stronger as you learn about yourself and this friendship. . Happy for you