How would you feel if you found this out.

Ok so first let me tell you I have never done any drugs, no judgement if you have done them that's fine. When I was growing up my mom told me school was important and I was in catholic school for the first couple years, I was always carful with my grades, then when I was the age kids start experimenting (sex drugs alcohol) I hung out with a small crowd and I listened to my parents and teachers. By the time I was around drugs I was in my 20s and didn't see the point.

Anyways my mom loves to harp on everything I do as a parent, from buying organic milk to safety things that weren't regulation in the 80s. I get that I survived but it's been almost 30 years their have been some developments lol. She also judges everything me or my husband do. My husband was in the field for 6 weeks (military) while I was pregnant, we went home for a wedding and my mom saw how "buff" he was. Emediatly started freaking out over bad body image and him neglecting me. He was 10 states away in the hot sun eating cheep government food yeah he dropped a few pounds. Anyways what I'm getting at is I can't do anything right in her eyes ever, no one really can. She's the most judgmental person ever.

When I was a teen she told me how she did coke, I wrote it off as the late 70s early 80s and the fact that my mother and I are very different people. Then when I got pregnat and was extremely sick (throwing up 8 times a day for 5 months) she told me it was my fault for changing my diet (food aversions) and I fussed to much about my pregnancy. She told me that she didn't realize she was pregnant with me for 2 months and that she did coke then. Again I wrote it off, it was the 80s she didn't know she was pregnat, we are different people. So now she tells me about the time she did coke when I was growing up, apparently the day before one of my sisters birthday parties her and the neighbors were partying. Again we are different people, but I guess I couldn't hide the look of distaste on my face because she was upset with me after this.

I don't mean to judge but seriously I think I have the right at this point. I don't care that she did but don't treat me like I'm a bad mom for organic milk and sun screen. Again im not saying shes a bad mom or person just how would you feel. I'm caught between my mothers "grace" and her look on everyone else as a "villan". I don't even know what I'm trying to say just don't know how I should feel.

I almost feel like I'll hear about her doing coke at my baptism or something else.

I think this is a situation for a lonnggg letter to mum.
That way you'll have more time to think what to say
in letter,and not be hampered with upset emotions.
Going by situation,and description of mum,this will
be necessary,or you will have to endure it for next
1yr, 2yrs, 5yrs? This is deliberate on my part to get
you into action,for it may indeed be many years,
you KNOW you HAVE to do this,don't you?
Courage,
BLUEDOVE

Thank you BlueDove. I know I have to do something I have tried to talk to her before (wrote out what I wanted to say and then sat and talk to her) the conclusion she came to was that I was to immature and blame her for everything... That was before I had kids, before I got married. I would love to write to here now but I know what ever I say will be turned around on me. I told her I needed to focuse on my kids and my husband when she tried to enclude me in family drama it turned into I didn't have time for my family I had to focus on my inlaws. I wish I knew she was still doing drugs then I'd have an excuse for this.

What about if you just let her be? I say separate yourself a little and focus on yourself and your family.

Sometimes, it is what it is.

Hugs to you.

That's what I've been doing lately. Ive been trying to work thru my feeling. I've been emotionally repressed my whole life, I'm just trying to figure out corect reactions any more. I don't know. I do know one thing I'll never be like this with my kids. I wouldn't say I had a horrable childhood I am luckier than a lot of people and I am spending this time seeing that. Sorry lol I alwasy used to joke that I was the only divorced kid with out daddy issues I guess I have mom issues. Sorry just sucks when you've had to be the responsible not your whole life. The more I'm thinking about it the more I remever cut downs and snapping, taking care of myself and being told I wasn't as good as my sister. God forbid I asked for help, that's what got me into this situation in the first place.

Thank you for your reply