Being Alone

I woke up this morning realizing how lonely I feel and that I am the reason why I am alone. I push away the people who care about me. I have not made any progress. I’m still looking for other people to make me feel needed, wanted, appreciated. It’s like an addiction to attention. So I stop asking for attention. And now I’m lonely. I need to learn to be okay with being alone by myself and appreciate myself. But I hate myself. I want to erase myself. (I swear I’m not quoting Linkin Park).

How do I stop being nice to people to boost my own self-esteem?

You might want to look into understanding Codependency as it sounds like that is an issue for you. CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) have meetings where people work on issues of self-esteem and healthy relationship.

Here is a link to their website:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...85761416,d.eXY

there's nothing wrong about being nice to people, in fact its a gift if you can. some people couldn't be nice if they tried. about being lonely, i've been through that and still am going through it because i'm basically housebound and live on a dead end street in sort of a country like setting.I basically just socialise online, go out for errands and doc appointments, my husband drives because i can't. I know how awful it feels to be lonely, but for some reason i like it that way because of my mental disorder of bipolar and schitzophrenia.i need alot of time to myself, i do have a son and husband but my husband is usually at work all day. i enjoy listening to music alot it does help and so does watching tv.i hope you feel better, i do understand!!

I like that our came to us for support. What do you like?

I can also relate to how you feel. I have BPD, PTSD, severe depression and Agoraphobia with panic attacks. Unless I'm going to therapy or the doctor, I'm always alone. Well I live with my boyfriend but he's gone a lot. When he is home we've started working on getting me out a little at at a time. I still don't like crowded places like shopping but I'm find going to his parents house. Now the part about people pleasing, I don't currently have that problem but I did pretty bad a few years ago. My therapist said it most likely is a result of being abandoned and neglected as a child. You constantly do for others to be noticed and appreciated and it feels good in a weird way for people to need you or rely on you. I would guess you never really had anyone do those things for you. And I would also guess that you have really low self esteem and no sense of self worth. That is true in my case. Seeing a therapist was the best decision I ever made. I've only been seeing her 4 years but she has helped me so much in realizing that I am important and today I love myself. I'm OK with who I am. YOU ARE IMPORTANT too!! Thank you for reaching out. I'm a new member but everyone here really cares and takes the time to actually read the posts and answer genuinely. And just reading some of the other posts has helped me tremendously. If you ever need to talk or just vent or whatever, feel free to private message me. I promise to help out as much as I can or just listen. Good luck. You've already taken the first step!!

Thanks for the link Little Lulu. I read up on the co-dependency. I think some parts apply and some parts don't. It's mainly the low self-esteem parts, I don't see myself as superior to anyone. It was an interesting read, I always like to learn more.

Thanks for this description. I think your therapist's analysis is quite accurate. I don't believe I was abandoned or neglected much as a child, but I definitely do feel like I often work in the background/shadows. I don't enjoy being in the spotlight, so it works out. Yet sometimes I catch myself doing things for people to notice...and I feel good and guilty at the same time when they notice me.

I do hope you enjoy your time here on PC. It's a great community and I definitely have learned just as much from reading other people's posts as I have from posting my own questions.

Yea, I often turn to PC for support because I don't like to bother my friends. It puts them in an awkward spot when they don't know what to say to me. Yesterday was one of those days I had no motivation to do anything and I only had people on PC to really talk to.

Do you mean what are my hobbies?

Wish I knew.