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#1
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I was told and reaffirmed more people pity after I'm dead. I'm holding my beliefs. I'm not afraid to die for them. I'm a six 28 from a 40 waistline. I'm still losing weight I will die from starvation. It feels justified. I don't ****ing care about feeling guilty. Why should I feel guilty for being so poorly. I don't want to live if my life is this. I wont be a pretty girl, surgery wont make me pretty. They will not force me to eat. I will fight till I'm dead young. I'm not afraid anymore I'm looking forward to it. I'm done being second to last in life by everyone I'm going to die alone.
I accepted my end. I don't want to die happy being miserable serving others who don't care. I worked too hard to be **** on. I can't escape these ungrateful parents friends and people who condemn me for feeling anything. They won't care I'm, my mom wants me to live with no emotion and hating well I'm going to die from this starvation very soon. When I'm skin and bones and my hair falls out and they be freaking out that they want me here. They can **** off. I make the rules they need to learn I'm not done object or accessory for their self loathing convenience. I'm tired of being everyone's piece of ****. If anyone who uses religion hell can welcome me in open arms. I don't care what happens me no rational reason to show I should care will change. I don't want to hear reasons why. If you were in my place you be dead before I was that's not even a question. **** I am not hearing someone tell me they love me. If you really did you'd be here not making excuses. This is the **** everyone and everything. I'm no different I'm not here to impress, when I am at my last breathe I will give the bird and say peace ****ers. My hatred comes from the evil side of negligence and ignorance and people who aren't actually my friend, savior, lover, mother, father, you're all more ****ed up than me so I'm running away the only way I can. Last edited by shezbut; Feb 27, 2015 at 03:05 AM. Reason: Added a trigger icon |
![]() AmarieSky, Anonymous200155, Anonymous37954, Key Lime, shezbut
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#2
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Im sorry that you are struggling so much….you aren't alone ((hugs))
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#3
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I have felt the same way so many times. I unfortunately love food too much and make it asocial event. Hope your friends and family wake up and realize what they have in you.
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#4
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It is very hard to read your post. Try to find reasons to live and try to make closer connection with your family and friends. Maybe you fee you are doing the right thing but you don't. Every life is valuable, yours too.
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#5
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I think that you very much do care what happens to you. This doesn't sound like one last attempt for payback, but a very sad and lonely cry for help. **** your family, they sound like they aren't worth caring about. Take those strong emotions and turn them into something you can use. You sound like an incredibly powerful person that could whatever they want, so no one should be able to stop you. Please don't go down quietly, you still have so much fight left in you. If you need revenge, do it in the form of success. Be someone so d*** great that anyone who has ever saddened you wishes that they are you. I already care about you dearly and I only just met you, so feel free to message me whenever. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries, I just wish the best.
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