The long and short

Due to some recent events I went a little ballistic yesterday and signed up for several social websites including Match.com. I believe I was doing this in a desperate attempt to cover up a history of non-activity. I just have the feeling that its a day late and a million dollars too short. I should have done this a looooong time ago when I had more energy and better looks. I know that learning is a part of life and people will say that this is a good thing - but at this point I don't want a long drawn out education on life, I need immediate satisfaction which ain't gonna happen. Life is crap and it always has been for me. I've always been out the outside looking in at anything resembling bliss. Heck, I had a good career and never had money issues. But as the song says this don't mean a thing if nobody holds your hand along the way. I've taken this long trip solo, the cold winds and the empty space were always just mine. I keep telling myself that there are people much worse off - this used to help but now it seems a large lie that ain't ever going away. Suck it up you say - believe me I'm as tough as they come. You don't go through this mess alone without being made of granite. Good luck to all - seriously I hope you find someone or something worth remembering. I have a blank photo album.

I hear you. I had a life and a good career as well. My life is much different now. It seems to be full of self help modalities. It is either a doctor, pdoc, support groups, and self help books. I am solo, too. I understand where you are coming from. I have had to accept that this is my life now. I do not have family so I am sort of a stone as well. It is because I have had to be. It does suck but I do feel strong. You sound strong to me. I think there is still some fight in you. I know I still have some fight in me. I am hanging on to this fight boxing gloves and all. Keep moving forward, Mac.

It's never too late to start filling that photo album, as you said. I worry though that overcompensating might lead to getting discouraged and not trying those couple of meaningful activities that would make you feel more fulfilled.