[Brasucasulu]

This is something that really sounds terrible, but I can't deal with my mom anymore.
She's been always mean to me since I was very small. I grew up with my granny, who passed away 2 years ago.
Every experience with my mom was very traumatic, she had the worst mood in the world, always with migraine and she used to beat the out of me for small things. I almost lost one eye when I was 7, because she hit me with a piece of wood.
She was very critical and I have to admit that I avoided to meet her on my childhood.

I left my country at age 19, and haven't had many contact with her. Every time I try to talk to her, she tried to put me down and criticize me for everything. She even told me that she wanted things to go bad in my life.
Whe I was small she used to tell me that I'm the reason of all her problems, and that if wasn't for me, her life would have been much better. That I should be grateful because my dad wanted her to do an abortion, but that she didn't.

Last month I got a raise on my salary, so I decided that would be a good idea if I could send her this money every month, so she could buy herself a gift or go lunch with her friends, etc... It wasn't a lot, but it is what I can offer. I'm not rich and have 2 kids.
I sent it and ask my sister to help her to go and get it. Four days after I received a message from my sister saying that my mom refuses to go to the bank, that the money is little. I got super frustrated, but my brother told me not to worry, that he will send her the money she "expects", as he has a better job the i.
Two weeks passed, and my sister sent me message that my mom decided that she will go to the bank and collect the money. But I asked the bank to send the money back, as I didn't want to lose it. Then she goes and says: so go Monday and put it back again!!

I'm really fed up. I know it is not good what I'm saying but I don't want to have contact with her for a while. Every time I tried to fix our relationship she screws it. And it hurts me bad. I wonder want have a I done to her. Why does she treat me like that? I can't take it anymore.

[avlady]

sometimes we have to distance for good certain people taht are dangerous to our mental health. your mom sounds like one you should avoid. i had to avoid some in my family until they grew up enough to have a decant relationship with them. it can change, some people are just so immature.

[meganb22]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know it's mind boggling how a parent can be so cold and mean to their child. I have some experience with this with my father. For years I hated him, but loved him, because how could I not? He is my father. I couldn't understand how he could be so cold and treat us like he did. Fact is, we won't ever get the answer we want. And as difficult and hurtful as it is to cut a parent out of your life- whether it be somewhat or completely- it can be the best choice. I came to a point where I realized I didn't need his negativity in my life anymore. I didn't need the feelings of shame and hurt he inspired in me. I couldn't keep living my life in a healthy way and still be connected to him. It sounds like you are at the same place.

It may feel like you are being mean, but look at what your mother has said and done to you. She is the one who should be feeling bad. But that's the thing with abusers, they make their victims feel that sadness. You need to live your life for you, and do what is healthiest for you. You have lived your life trying to appease your mother long enough. Do what you need to do for you, whatever that turns out to be.

I wish you the best and good luck!

[Brasucasulu]

Thank you very much for your response.
Yes, we all deserve to be happy, and we will.
I wish you the best

Originally Posted by meganb22

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know it's mind boggling how a parent can be so cold and mean to their child. I have some experience with this with my father. For years I hated him, but loved him, because how could I not? He is my father. I couldn't understand how he could be so cold and treat us like he did. Fact is, we won't ever get the answer we want. And as difficult and hurtful as it is to cut a parent out of your life- whether it be somewhat or completely- it can be the best choice. I came to a point where I realized I didn't need his negativity in my life anymore. I didn't need the feelings of shame and hurt he inspired in me. I couldn't keep living my life in a healthy way and still be connected to him. It sounds like you are at the same place.

It may feel like you are being mean, but look at what your mother has said and done to you. She is the one who should be feeling bad. But that's the thing with abusers, they make their victims feel that sadness. You need to live your life for you, and do what is healthiest for you. You have lived your life trying to appease your mother long enough. Do what you need to do for you, whatever that turns out to be.

I wish you the best and good luck!

[Curry]

My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. If I phone she doesn't pick up or if I am talking to my Dad she won't come to say hello. I miss her as troubled as she is. When I was young I avoided her but we ended up in the same house away from my country. She was hopped up on self medicated tranquilizers. When she did turn her attention my way it was to manipulate me or tell me secrets about her friends and my dad, or it was to be angry at me. When she went back to my country she told all my relatives about how awful I was, blaming me for her unhappiness and alcoholism. She got really angry at me because I don't let her get away with unhealthy behavior. When she came to visit and screamed at my ex husband, I told her she can't do that. I miss her. It is really hard not to buy in to one's mom's drama. If it is possible to respond to her unhealthy behavior of insulting your gift of money, in a way that distances you from her and any family that supports her drama, but still keeps communication open, then power to you. Maybe you could run her behavior by us and we could advise you on how to respond. I send you a hug. Take care of yourself.

[Brasucasulu]

Thanks so much!

I'm very afraid to speak to her again. Last time we have spoken, she started asking me about my divorce and telling me that I would never be able to keep a man. That I should have been happy that I had one and I just dumped him. Of course she forgot the details about him hitting me and his alcoholism.

My brother ask her to go and live with him and his wife. She nearly ruined his marriage. She was very mean and critical to his wife.

I don't know what her problem is

Originally Posted by Curry

My mom doesn't talk to me anymore. If I phone she doesn't pick up or if I am talking to my Dad she won't come to say hello. I miss her as troubled as she is. When I was young I avoided her but we ended up in the same house away from my country. She was hopped up on self medicated tranquilizers. When she did turn her attention my way it was to manipulate me or tell me secrets about her friends and my dad, or it was to be angry at me. When she went back to my country she told all my relatives about how awful I was, blaming me for her unhappiness and alcoholism. She got really angry at me because I don't let her get away with unhealthy behavior. When she came to visit and screamed at my ex husband, I told her she can't do that. I miss her. It is really hard not to buy in to one's mom's drama. If it is possible to respond to her unhealthy behavior of insulting your gift of money, in a way that distances you from her and any family that supports her drama, but still keeps communication open, then power to you. Maybe you could run her behavior by us and we could advise you on how to respond. I send you a hug. Take care of yourself.

[Curry]

I am so sorry you were hurt by her. It sounds like you did a good job getting away from your husband. You also got a good job and was sweet enough to try and send your mom some money. As a Mom myself, I admire you and send you a hug. I go to a group called AL anon which helps me a little. A lot of the ladies there have come from families that didn't work very well or had a marriage with a troubled person. We give each other hugs and laugh at how we are trying to make our lives better. Take care of yourself.

[Cris80pitt]

This is a sad story. Unfortunately there are many stories such as yours. Why she treats you like that only she knows. Even though I don't think that mothers should have any excuse to treat kids badly. Try to ask her why she is such a bad person. Or, for your own good, do not contact her. That is very hard decision because after all she is your mother but don't destroy yourself even more with that bad relationship.

[Brasucasulu]

You too darling! Thanks again!

QUOTE=Curry;4300499]I am so sorry you were hurt by her. It sounds like you did a good job getting away from your husband. You also got a good job and was sweet enough to try and send your mom some money. As a Mom myself, I admire you and send you a hug. I go to a group called AL anon which helps me a little. A lot of the ladies there have come from families that didn't work very well or had a marriage with a troubled person. We give each other hugs and laugh at how we are trying to make our lives better. Take care of yourself.[/QUOTE]