When the general feeling/feedback you get from those who matter to you is "do what you want".

I know we aren't supposed to "DO" SUICIDE THREADS - but this is about how to deal with the emotions and feelings that say "you are meaningless, unimportant, an no one would even notice if you were gone".

[striking]

Tell yourself daily, I love you, I matter, I deserve compassion, I deserve care. Repeat whenever your negative self perceptions reappear.

The motivation to survive can come from buying an ice cream cone and relishing it. Or going to a pet shop and appreciating the beauty of the fish. By feeding peanuts to squirrels in the park. Adopt small changes until you feel ready for more.

[vital]

Originally Posted by TrixE

"you are meaningless, unimportant, an no one would even notice if you were gone".

Once you start to feel better, thoughts like the one above will disappear and will even seem crazy in retrospect.

It's like....Imagine that you are eating a bowl of your favorite ice cream and you think:

"It is meaningless for me to eat this ice cream. No one would even notice if I'm eating this ice cream or not. What's the point?"

Would this thought occur to you? No, it wouldn't, because eating the ice cream is good enough by itself. You don't need anyone's approval or notice to enjoy your ice cream. Once you start to get better, just the feeling of being alive can be like ice cream is to you now. So good, that it doesn't need any approval or justification or anything more than what it is.

- vital

[Thunder Bow]

Your mind is replaying memories and feelings from childhood. Things that never should have been said to you. Explore what happened in your childhood with a Therapist.

[Perna]

I think when we don't feel good there is a better chance of misunderstanding what others are saying to us and why they are saying it. "Do what you want" can be said in anger or frustration because the other person isn't getting their way (not my problem) or it can be understood as being about me and who I am when it is the other person who is saying it (what other people say is ALWAYS about them, not you).

Other people can only love and help us so far because it is our life when all is said and done. Sometimes we forget that and try to make other people responsible for us and how we feel or our behavior. Others may make a suggestion and we shoot them down, ("That won't work") or decide to do something different and they may hear that they are useless because we asked for something, they felt they gave, but their gift was ignored. That's one way one can hear a disgusted/frustrated, "Do what you want!" I know I give my husband a hard time sometimes because he asks me to pick a route to a location and navigate and I do that and he starts in with the, "why aren't we going this way?" Hello, you asked me to pick the route is why we're not going that way! Do you want my help navigating or not?

Suicide does not "help" anything related to this life. We cannot know what is coming down the pike 10 minutes into the future much less a day, week, month, year, years. Responding to current problems by disengaging from life instead of working to solve the problem or painstakingly untangle it is like cleaning up a messy kitchen with dynamite.

It's all crystal clear to me now. I died the day I was born. I should have. All my mother's other attempts to bear offspring failed. I was an anomaly: the mistake. I have been looking, engaged in a foolish search all my life for a connection heart-to-heart. I was a mistake. No one can form a loving connection to a mistake.

[Artchic528]

You have a son, right? Is he a mistake?

You are a miracle for your parents. You were born despite the odds. To take your life is to declare your parents' hard work in conceiving you and bringing you into this world a big waste of time and that any offspring you have had furthering that wasted time and energy.

So, is your son a mistake as well? Do you have any authority to declare other lives a mistake or any energy spent on you a waste? No. Of course not. That would be narcissistic and selfish beyond reason.

Now, start being positive and leave those awful negative thoughts in the trash where they belong.

My mother lost all her other pregnancies before she was far along. It was a sad mistake that the same thing did not happen to me. Maybe it was due in part to that she acted as though she owned me. Some of what should have been the happiest times of my life were worse because of her. But I must have loved her because i cried for a very long time after she died. I was alone with both my parents when they died. No one should die alone. I have a very keen memory, I think too good. There are good things i remember - my children when they were little when there were good days. Summer days watching them play in their little plastic pool were the greatest. But remembering the good things so keenly only makes the knowledge i live with today that much more painful. Once I had babies to hold and love. I never realized how time has a way of spinning faster and faster until one day you are old and no one knows you at all and you are just an annoyance that no one agrees with or understands. They invalidate my thoughts and feelings. We cannot talk long enough to understand each other anymore.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

You have a son, right? Is he a mistake?

You are a miracle for your parents. You were born despite the odds. To take your life is to declare your parents' hard work in conceiving you and bringing you into this world a big waste of time and that any offspring you have had furthering that wasted time and energy.

So, is your son a mistake as well? Do you have any authority to declare other lives a mistake or any energy spent on you a waste? No. Of course not. That would be narcissistic and selfish beyond reason.

Now, start being positive and leave those awful negative thoughts in the trash where they belong.

I know you mean well but you, too, invalidate my feelings. Not on purpose and not to be mean. There's a very good article about emotions and needs and respect for the feelings we should have for others and they should have for us. I don't know if we are "allowed" to do links. Invalidation.

"Ordering" You to Feel Differently
Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don't cry.
Don't worry.
Don't be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don't get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don't be so dramatic.
Don't be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself (Source)
Stop taking everything so personally

[Artchic528]

I am sorry you feel invalidated but I assure you that what I am saying is true. You are a miracle. Don't waste that life you were given despite the odds feeling sorry for yourself.

Originally Posted by Perna

I think when we don't feel good there is a better chance of misunderstanding what others are saying to us and why they are saying it. "Do what you want" can be said in anger or frustration because the other person isn't getting their way (not my problem) or it can be understood as being about me and who I am when it is the other person who is saying it (what other people say is ALWAYS about them, not you).

Other people can only love and help us so far because it is our life when all is said and done. Sometimes we forget that and try to make other people responsible for us and how we feel or our behavior. Others may make a suggestion and we shoot them down, ("That won't work") or decide to do something different and they may hear that they are useless because we asked for something, they felt they gave, but their gift was ignored. That's one way one can hear a disgusted/frustrated, "Do what you want!" I know I give my husband a hard time sometimes because he asks me to pick a route to a location and navigate and I do that and he starts in with the, "why aren't we going this way?" Hello, you asked me to pick the route is why we're not going that way! Do you want my help navigating or not?

Suicide does not "help" anything related to this life. We cannot know what is coming down the pike 10 minutes into the future much less a day, week, month, year, years. Responding to current problems by disengaging from life instead of working to solve the problem or painstakingly untangle it is like cleaning up a messy kitchen with dynamite.

I am at a disadvantage with doctors orders being to stay off my foot so my ankle will heel prevents me from finding "distractions" especially outside. It leaves me too much time for thinking. I try to read, I do things on the net, watch videos and have a few projects that don't require up and down too much. I would be lost totally without books and the internet.

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I am sorry you feel invalidated but I assure you that what I am saying is true. You are a miracle. Don't waste that life you were given despite the odds feeling sorry for yourself.

I appreciate your caring to write but your judgment that what I'm thinking is a waste of time or feeling sorry for myself is invalidation. I feel the article is very "right-on". Who are we to judge someone. I can remember someone / a stranger/ passerby saying "don't look so side" - its rather presumptious - for all they know I just lost my best friend.

I do have issues with things that occurred with my mother who was emotionally absent and or abusive. I didn't realize at the time what they were but blamed myself. To try to deal with them now is not to feel sorry for myself, I'm trying to get to a point where I can decide for myself whether I am worthwhile despite my mothers persistent almost never-ending finding fault and/or blaming me for things out of my control. If she had issues with my personality saying I would never have friends, i think it was a self-fulfilling prophecy to undermine me and make me feel insecure so I felt awkward even talking to others. I realize you don't know the "story" but that's exactly why its problematic to critique someone so that you invalidate what they are thinking or feeling since you can't know the background nor are you required to. I'm not self-centered enough, quite the opposite, to think the world revolves around me. My mother made sure that i knew the world didn't give a damn about me.

Read the link/article again if you like, i'm sure there are others who would agree with me. I am not unique in my difficulties with my mother/parent.

Feelings were not expressed or allowed at my house. After trying to suppress them most of my life - I would like to at least try now. It seems to be going badly though because my children feel as you do - that i am just feeling sorry for myself. After a lifetime of no one caring about me now you would deny me the right to care about me either. Always being expected to do and say the right thing without anyone considering how I felt was not a healthy situation. now I feel resentful that I have spent my life being sensitive to others and "giving" only to find that now that I need help no one is there for me. You would have me just smile and put on a happy face.

I think, though I cannot know since they don't talk, that what my children want is their old standby mom back who is always there and like any good chatty cathy doll, you pull the string out out comes 1 of 12 little sayings. "Hi I'm Chatty what's your name"? Or "Do you like my new dress - its pretty and red".

[striking]

Yes you are so right. Resistance from family is difficult to comprehend and very hurtful. They want their certainty and your attempts to explore your emotions will force others to explore as well. Often these others are not ready or are unwilling to do so. But for your own sake you must continue your journey of recovery.

I know about living in a family without emotions or communication. Stay the course and be your best friend throughout. We are here for you