[Tsukiko]

An online friend is in need of money (or so he says) and asked me to help. I've said in the past that I would help him but at the moment, I have nothing to offer. Not money, not even emotional support. My mood swings (I am bipolar) are so severe that I'm just not functioning and I'm of little use to anyone right now.

When I explained to this friend that I couldn't help as expected, he exploded. He spoke of how he trusted me and I "f***ed" him over. He claims he will now be homeless and I'm responsible.

This situation has made my condition 10 times worse. I'm having a hard time sleeping and when I do sleep, I wake up with mini panic attacks. I'm having paranoid thoughts, such as "Will he track me down and hurt me if I don't help?" or "Will he totally destroy my online reputation because of this?" Most of all, I worry constantly about a person being homeless of something I've done.

How can I deal with these emotions? How can I rid myself of such overwhelming guilt? I don't see any way out of this and it terrifies me.

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry your friend put you in this position. There is no need for you to feel guilty. You can only do what you can do. Too, lending money to a friend is a sure way to lose one, at least that is what my mother always told me. Anyway, just give it time but take care of yourself. Do you have another friend that you can talk to about the situation? Maybe sharing the story will help you to alleviate the symptoms. I hope you let yourself off of the hook soon, as you don't deserve to feel bad about it.

[Tsukiko]

Thanks so much for caring and replying, gayleggg. I've talked with a couple of people about the situation and everyone says the same: try hard not to feel guilty because I did my best I keep repeating that in my head but a guilt remains that I offered to help him financially in the first place.

When I posted, I was a hot mess. I was in a total panic. Now that I've had some time to calm down, my brain is functioning again and I can see the ridiculousness (is that a word? lol) of the situation. I have no way to verify his story. The whole thing could be a crock. And even if it's not, I know that he has a relative that he can turn to for help if he's in the dire straits he's claiming.

I made the decision to cease communication with him and in doing so, it has relieved quite a bit of my anxiety. As much as I don't like ending relationships on such a crappy note, I gotta do what I gotta do to preserve my health and sanity.

[JJBX]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

Thanks so much for caring and replying, gayleggg. I've talked with a couple of people about the situation and everyone says the same: try hard not to feel guilty because I did my best I keep repeating that in my head but a guilt remains that I offered to help him financially in the first place.

When I posted, I was a hot mess. I was in a total panic. Now that I've had some time to calm down, my brain is functioning again and I can see the ridiculousness (is that a word? lol) of the situation. I have no way to verify his story. The whole thing could be a crock. And even if it's not, I know that he has a relative that he can turn to for help if he's in the dire straits he's claiming.

I made the decision to cease communication with him and in doing so, it has relieved quite a bit of my anxiety. As much as I don't like ending relationships on such a crappy note, I gotta do what I gotta do to preserve my health and sanity.

I think that's really good. I think it takes a lot of gall to ask someone for money and then blow up when they don't come through. I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Everyone has their own journey and if he wants to avoid homelessness, he needs to rely on more than the charity of friends (eg, being a leech). That might mean he needs to find some creative ways to make quick cash, but that's on HIM, not you. Hell, I know I've been in the position to figure out how to supplement my lousy income real fast.

Ending this one wasn't even your fault. It makes me wonder if that's all he cared about.

I'm sorry that you went through this. You seem like a very sensitive person and I hope that you find real friends who see you as more than a means to their own end.

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

An online friend is in need of money (or so he says) and asked me to help. I've said in the past that I would help him but at the moment, I have nothing to offer. Not money, not even emotional support. My mood swings (I am bipolar) are so severe that I'm just not functioning and I'm of little use to anyone right now.

When I explained to this friend that I couldn't help as expected, he exploded. He spoke of how he trusted me and I "f***ed" him over. He claims he will now be homeless and I'm responsible.

This situation has made my condition 10 times worse. I'm having a hard time sleeping and when I do sleep, I wake up with mini panic attacks. I'm having paranoid thoughts, such as "Will he track me down and hurt me if I don't help?" or "Will he totally destroy my online reputation because of this?" Most of all, I worry constantly about a person being homeless of something I've done.

How can I deal with these emotions? How can I rid myself of such overwhelming guilt? I don't see any way out of this and it terrifies me.

You've done nothing wrong. I know you won't see this just because I say it.
You need to see it. I'm not even sure I'd consider this person a friend.

[Tsukiko]

I asked him why he let his situation get to this point and his reply is that he trusted that I'd help him. I literally ed.

As time passes, I'm feeling less guilty. Last night was rather difficult in terms of lots of doubtful thinking that affected my sleep but I was able to make up for the lost sleep this morning.

Thank you for your concern and for taking time to reply to my rather trivial (compared to the situations that most members here have to face) matter.

Originally Posted by JJBX

I think that's really good. I think it takes a lot of gall to ask someone for money and then blow up when they don't come through. I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Everyone has their own journey and if he wants to avoid homelessness, he needs to rely on more than the charity of friends (eg, being a leech). That might mean he needs to find some creative ways to make quick cash, but that's on HIM, not you. Hell, I know I've been in the position to figure out how to supplement my lousy income real fast.

Ending this one wasn't even your fault. It makes me wonder if that's all he cared about.

I'm sorry that you went through this. You seem like a very sensitive person and I hope that you find real friends who see you as more than a means to their own end.

[Tsukiko]

I'm slowly seeing it. The guilt is fading little by little.

The only real regret/guilt I'm feeling now is not saying goodbye to him but at the moment, I don't think I can face talking with him for any reason or length of time. Maybe someday but not any time soon.

Originally Posted by George H.

You've done nothing wrong. I know you won't see this just because I say it.
You need to see it. I'm not even sure I'd consider this person a friend.

[Tsukiko]

The guilt has passed but now I'm left with panic attacks whenever I log onto the computer. Seriously. I've been through so much worse than this yet this minor incident is giving me panic attacks. Perhaps I'm not making the progress mentally that I thought.

[connect.the.stars]

Tsukiko, the same thing happened to me. Someone I knew online was going through financial trouble and I lent him money and even found him a place to stay so he wouldn't become homeless. I feel your pain of losing that person as a friend and I understand. This isn't what you refer to as a trivial problem. It's really hard. If you want to PM me about anything I'd be glad to talk with you.

A few years ago I had an exclusively online friend, we fell out (over something trivial, not money in this case) he then sent me an abusive email. I was traumatised that someone who had never met me could be so mean, also ashamed that I had allowed myself to care, I was really upset and scared by the whole thing so understand what you mean.

It's not your fault this happened, learn from it and move on, in my case I decided never to make any more exclusively online friendships.

[shortandcute]

He's mad because he didn't get any money. There's no way that he would be homeless because ONE PERSON wasn't able to give them money ONE time! Even if he did end up homeless, there is no way you could have caused that; I mean that doesn't even make sense!

[Tsukiko]

Thank you so much.

Originally Posted by connect.the.stars

Tsukiko, the same thing happened to me. Someone I knew online was going through financial trouble and I lent him money and even found him a place to stay so he wouldn't become homeless. I feel your pain of losing that person as a friend and I understand. This isn't what you refer to as a trivial problem. It's really hard. If you want to PM me about anything I'd be glad to talk with you.

[Tsukiko]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience and thank you for sharing your story with me. Have you spoken with this person since?

This situation has caused me to pull back inside myself. I've alienated myself from most "friends" I've made through various avenues on the Internet and it has added substantially to the already huge and extremely painful void inside.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

A few years ago I had an exclusively online friend, we fell out (over something trivial, not money in this case) he then sent me an abusive email. I was traumatised that someone who had never met me could be so mean, also ashamed that I had allowed myself to care, I was really upset and scared by the whole thing so understand what you mean.

It's not your fault this happened, learn from it and move on, in my case I decided never to make any more exclusively online friendships.

[Tsukiko]

Nope, it doesn't make sense but my logic has been extraordinarily flawed lately. Nothing I do or say seems to be reasonable or logical now.

Originally Posted by shortandcute

He's mad because he didn't get any money. There's no way that he would be homeless because ONE PERSON wasn't able to give them money ONE time! Even if he did end up homeless, there is no way you could have caused that; I mean that doesn't even make sense!

Originally Posted by Tsukiko-chan

I'm sorry to hear about your experience and thank you for sharing your story with me. Have you spoken with this person since?

This situation has caused me to pull back inside myself. I've alienated myself from most "friends" I've made through various avenues on the Internet and it has added substantially to the already huge and extremely painful void inside.

Thank you Tsukiko-chan for your reply. I am still in sporadic touch with this person, for me understanding why he acted as he did was a big issue, I was unable to just walk away. He did apologise, and offered some way of explanation, but I suspect there was more to it which I'll never know. It underlined to me that we can never really know someone purely online.

I chose not to have any more exclusively online friendships. Writing on here is not the same as it's not 'personal'. For me painful though it was at the time I chose to work at my real life social life, and have made some wonderful 'real life' friends since then. So it lead to good things for me.

I hope this phase for you will evolve into something more positive too. You did not deserve what was levelled at you, you deserve better friends. You are worth more.