I don't know what to say about me

So I read a post here it was very relevant to me. On this specific forum near mine below, but yes. I share her experiences. As of now I learned to love my life and death and be alone, but everyday for as long as I can remember I'll never sleep well feeling someone cares and sees me.

I don't have friends anymore of what they used to be rather. Me isolated talking to someone on a cell phone computer never in person.

I am grateful for my conversational skills but I am exhausted and done making any friendships to maintain. I distance from every person I know and was close or wasn't close anymore. To now we are completely different people from before.

Some days, I wish I could smoke weed in some isolated area and not eat and die starving choosing happiness and getting high and diminishing my hungry belly emotionally and physically.

And some days I am happy but surprised how I could easily be a heroin addict in my area. Heroin is easier to attain than alcohol. Its so bad many streets in the local town centers have needles on the side walk. I avoid all the time not to wear sandals outside fearing I step on one with aids or something or left over heroin and a bloody foot. They definitely were pitched to avoid arrests, and living here alone gets in your head seeing so much self destruction trying to stay afloat from all of it. Rather no one cares to be around you. Every person ik is so dissociated from me and how they perceive me it's like it is two different people we are talking about.

Hey, its up to you that how strong you are and have faith in yourself. Trust me nothing is impossible try to get rid of all these things and do things which give you positivity. Gradually you will come out of all these things.

I still deal with isolation. Whether it is by choice or not. Being a lone for a long period time changes the way you feel, perceive yourself and your surroundings.
I hope you start seeing the positive things in your life and know that there is someone here that cares. Thank you for sharing.
-one day at a time

you must try first although