What in the worlllld

I have a story. Short, don't worry.

When I was in 6th grade my best friend said she didn't want to be friends anymore. I started crying and everyone in the school was upset at her for doing that and eventually she came back around.

When I was thirteen my sister got really mad at me. It got to a point of her banging my door screaming "Why do you think you don't have any friends? Because you push people to wanting to strangle you."

It didn't phase me. Too bad, that is.

In highschool I went through a depression. I worked my way through self-harm issues and eating disorder like things. My best friend at the time was very caring and compassionate. One day though as I was having a hard time she was singing a song in the car, looks over to me and says "Well you're just so fun aren't you?".

That phased me.

A couple years later I've finally worked my way past my issues but still struggling with being depressed for no apparent reasons. Suddenly, everyone disappears... at the same time that I enter college.

Really difficult semester.

2 of my friends in particular were really like gone.

I finally got one of them to meet me. I asked her what was going on and why we weren't really friends anymore. She told me that being with me was like having to be a therapist. That it was too much and she didn't want to be around me anymore. She apologized for cutting me out of her life and that she should have handled it better. It didn't help.

Fast forward a year.. my one best friend of 8 years hasn't spoken to me for a year. She's deleted me off facebook and just dropped me off the planet like nothing.

Today.... Today I finally got her to at least text me what in the world happened. She tells me the same time.. She couldn't handle my drama anymore. She had new friends that made her happy and a happy new boyfriend and school. She wanted to enjoy life. So she erased me.

One side of me is like- their loss. I'm a new person now and I'm living a pretty awesome life and if they would have stuck around they could have been a part of it.

The other part is wondering... My sister has to be right. If I've driven this many people away... There has to be something i'm doing wrong. The hard this I don't know what. Yeah I had struggled with depression but I'm past that.. I mean I still have my days but not like before. But seriously?

Am I really doing something wrong? Or are these people just being crappy friends?

Am I being a crappy friend? Or am I just settling for crappy friends?

Either way this is a conflicting sort of peace to put it behind me yet be working through this sort of fresh hurt.

i wouldnt be placing blame on yourself or your friends. it is difficult standing by someone with mental health issues, especially for a teenager. my friend told me it was "exhausting" putting up with my bipolar. we cant expect others to take care of us day in and day out. it gets tiring. i even get sick of myself. it is obvious they could not handle your depression and other issues. it is good that they could be honest with you. it is sad that they are missing out on you now that you are doing well. you can learn from the past that if you start feeling down again that you dont use your friends to dump your feelings on and talk to a therapist instead. people dont like being around people who are down all the time.

I know there was a point where I was very dependant on my friends.. But I got over that and I don't do that now. The problem was they weren't honest with me. They just started ignoring me completely, deleting me off facebook and social media, without saying anything.

This has happened to me. I found out later they didn't do it on purpose we just went separate ways. 2 good things : 1. You can always catch up with them later 2. You can meet new people like us As for the ones who say you're too much work etc they aren't worth keeping around anyways imo. In the end I'd call it life unfortunately not much to do but move forward and I don't think you should blame yourself for it

I should add too it wasn't exactly the same for me but similar. Everyone's friends come and go. The cool ones keep in touch later