[Numbed]

Title basically says it all.

Savagely suppressed emotions since childhood, severly detatched.
Started opening up, allowing myself to be vulnerable with GF over the period of 3+, I was able to start crying and crying and crying, crying more than her at one point (and she's a very emotional individual).

Well that settled down eventuallyl.

I was still having triggers everywhere, because I ended up with a bunch of new ones, because Psychiatrist repeatedly triggered me over 8 months.
Things on the news, stuff online online, ended up trying to get anger management group, that didn't happen, something their side.

In the the last few days though, rest of armour came off, all walls down, before only had been able to show and be emotional with my GF in private.

Now I'm even MORE sensitive, emotions are even more overpowering,
and I don't know what to do or how to handle htem, because they're been suppressed my entire life.

To give an idea just how much, once walls were down, even reading someones title in a post, set me off, and I tried to handle it best I could, but it was all around me, and I lost my cool (not completly) and told them they should try to be considerate, how can they be so oblivious to everyone else here when this person or another knew we were all hyper-sensitive to emotion, that there's a difference between sharing emotion, and inflicting it on as many people as can unecessarily.

I felt bad about that afterwards, even though I was right.

My first write through of this was more expressive/off the page as it were, this 2nd attempt seems calmer, but it's really not.

Is there a protocol or something for someone who's been shut off and numb and detatched for life, now in the open, and emotions are just, I don't know what to do.

They are making my hyper-responsibility(OCD)(which I just did a thread about) and a compulsion helping others (problem solving) all that more frequent and difficult to fix/deal with.

I also have compulsion to correct stuff as well because of childhood.

Any thoughts, suggestions, any at all, are welcome.

I'm ok with being a guy and being sensitive and showing pain and all that, but this is something else.

[Keyslost]

Slowly getting unnumb myself barely. Probly easier for me b/c it's so slow and not all at once. That being said hopefully this still helps. The only thing to do take it one day at a time very carefully and slowly. You're taking bandaids off and letting them heal so it'll be very very raw. You can also choose to open up slower if you want to that may help. Letting yourself feel again is the best way so I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's gonna hurt and be overwhelming just keep talking to us and the people you trust. Eventually it'll be mostly good and you'll have a great relationship with your SO.

[BLUEDOVE]

Be very proud of self,you've come back from the
dead and it will take time to settle.More can discuss
with g/f the better--give self huge pat on back for
efforts,and remember this feeling for self . . . . . . .
COMPASSION!
Courage,
BLUEDOVE

[Numbed]

Originally Posted by Keyslost

Slowly getting unnumb myself barely. Probly easier for me b/c it's so slow and not all at once. That being said hopefully this still helps. The only thing to do take it one day at a time very carefully and slowly. You're taking bandaids off and letting them heal so it'll be very very raw. You can also choose to open up slower if you want to that may help. Letting yourself feel again is the best way so I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It's gonna hurt and be overwhelming just keep talking to us and the people you trust. Eventually it'll be mostly good and you'll have a great relationship with your SO.

I know so deeply that taking things slowly and not all at once, is probably the key recovery component here, living most of my life with extreme behaviours, one side or the other, it is probably my most difficult habit to break! It's overwhelmingly scary to slow down, i've always faced stuff head on, I had to, to survive.

[Numbed]

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

Be very proud of self,you've come back from the
dead and it will take time to settle.More can discuss
with g/f the better--give self huge pat on back for
efforts,and remember this feeling for self . . . . . . .
COMPASSION!
Courage,
BLUEDOVE

Admittedly accepting or even acknowledging my progress is something difficult for me, additionally since I have been so counter-dependent most of my life, I'm scared that i'll be too much for my GF, especially because I can see the affect that my problems have on her, but I know I can't not share and feel. I feel bad, and even have overpowering guilt with this due to the time period in which my Pdoc was screqwing me up and how by proxy it was affecting my GF. I think my GF does understand though, it's just terrifying to have someone so supportive and giving for the first time in your life, and being afraid that they'll fall out of love with you because of the overwhelming nature of me.

I always need reminders for self compassion, so thank you BLUEDOWN

[Keyslost]

Yeah I'd say take it one day at a time. As for the gf thing I know how that is. Seems like whenever something big happens for me they just want to run no matter how much I help them. Guess they don't like dealing with it? That being said hopefully you have a better gf than I did . She should want to help you and if not just come back here talk to us. Feel free to msg me if you need to as well