Pure Misery

I feel very upset and depressed and alone. I went to one of the eating disorder clinics that I go to, and they had posters up that frankly, were inappropriate in my opinion for a place that is supposed to be sensitive to people who suffer from eating disorders. Suddenly I felt like I had been transported back to middle and high school, those horrific years during which I thought about killing myself every day and where my pure hatred for institutionalized learning really took root. I really lost it-- I ripped up the flyers and threw them in the trash, I turned pictures of staff members face down on the tables, I ripped up and threw out all their brochures. I really let my counselor have it, I told her in no uncertain terms how unacceptable it was to have that material in the main reception area of an eating disorder clinic. She claimed she didn't know that the posters had been put up-- I am not sure if that is true, but I didn't press her on it because I was angry enough already. I really felt unwanted, rejected, alone, like a total misfit. Sometimes I seriously consider moving, because the overactive fitness obsession in this town really counteracts the positive treatment I so badly need. I get treatment and support at another eating disorders clinic as well, but that is really my only support. My family lives almost 2000 miles away, and I don't feel that my friends out here would ever understand, so I don't tell them. I just want to shrivel up and hide under a blanket until the world ends.

Sorry to hear that they lacked sensitivity in their posted material.
Is moving closer to your family, an option?

Unfortunately, no... I am considerably happier out here than I was when I lived near them (and since I'm miserable right now, that really shows how bad things were lol)... I do better out West on my own, I just wish I had more support of some kind.

I've learned that if I write out my own thoughts of what I need specifically, it helps me to identify what may or may not be missing. Maybe that's something that could help you pinpoint your necessary steps to establishing a support system?

I never thought of doing that, but it sounds like a good idea :-) makes a lot of sense, thanks for the suggestion!