[Yismymindblank12]

I am 21 years old, and I want a mentor around my age or older. A person with success and strive someone who can give me a direction. They feel like a parent I really needed, I don't do drugs or anything bad. I mean in my passions a friend a true friend, man I'm crying so badly, because I hate working at this job. I feel like no showing today and not going to look back, because I can't look at myself anymore. Seeing everything fall past me. I can't cope how my life is now, and it has not gotten better.

I wanted someone to take my talent someone to surprise me, I hate doing this alone. I get it, I surprise myself and I do need to be independent, I want to go to school, be social live a life where I can feel free. Where my job isn't trying to support a roof over my head only, but helping in my career path. I hate living here, in this washed up area.

****. I can't do it, I don't care how my record is. I'm young rash and stupid and I'd probably be broke and starving from today's choices, but damn I just ****ing hate living like this.

I'm ungrateful or stupid, whatever it is. I can't live here, waiting for something to come along on mcdonald's hourly pay. Getting all my money stolen and my life being a ****ing joke.

Before that happens I'd rather die. I'm completely honest. I don't care how rash or stupid you think I am, I don't care how demeaning the tone is of others. I can not be like these people here anymore, if I can't leave here. I'll die in peace. I can't do this. I need a role model a father like figure. I love my dad, but he is too unavailable. My mother too involved and rather over aggressive and insensitive. Rather I feel like a piece of ****.

Wtf I need to explain anymore. It's not like anyone can give me something useful other than getting drugs in my system or going to a hospital. That put me in debt too. I don't care, rather I need to run away from this hell. I need someone to find some diamond in me that I can't see, someone who believes in me and encourages me not tears me down every day. Why am I living here?

**** these ****** *** people.
I have no regrets for that.
I dont' give a **** who I offend today.
They stepped on me for far too long.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

(((((HUGS))))) so much emotion and frustration coming through.

You can leave, and you can find someone to help you and guide you toward a more positive life. Really and truly!

That said, just wishing it was different, doesn't make it so. I think a mentor is a great idea! Like you said, someone around your age or a little bit older, someone who's doing things like you want.

Looks like you're in a city, so maybe there's a community program you could tap into? For example, there's a university were I live and they've got a program where students mentor other young people who live in the area. It'll probably take a little research.

The reality of having to work for food and shelter sux. I'm way older than you and still haven't figured out how to get around that! Have you considered taking a class at a local community college? I'm sure you could find one around your work schedule and it'll put you around other people looking to better themselves too. I did 2 years at a community college before transferring to a 4 year college. I was supporting myself, working a s*** job, so qualified for a grant. While I was there, I had this great professor whose class I loved, and he saw something in me, ending up creating an independent study thing for a class credit the next semester for me and 2 others. That was pretty cool, having that 1 on 1. Alternatively, there are short-term music specific programs - like 8 weeks - in the country. Something like that'd take a more solid plan of savings, so you could pay for it, plus live without working for a couple of months, but some programs have job placement assistance in the field after.