I can't take it anymore

I'm new, and I desperately need help. I have written another thread about my feelings, but I didn't get much from it so now I'll try here instead. What I describe here is directly copied from my previous thread, because I'm too umotivated to write something new.

I'm born with autism and a heart defect which bothers me really much. My little sister is much prettier and smarter than me. She is very popular and has many friends and she gets them easily. I was being bullied in pre-school, and I'm not over it yet. I don't trust anyone, and I probably never will. I have very low self-esteem, and I don't dare to talk to anyone. My sister gets good grades and is very clever, she has a boyfriend and her own horse. I will probably never get these things, and now I'm sitting here crying because life is so unfair
I can't control my jealousy anymore. Even the slightest comments from her make me flare up and then I get very angry and annoyed. Sometimes I just want to smack her. I just can't handle it anymore. I feel like I have nothing to live for. Nothing to look forward to. My parents say that it is normal to be negative but I don't think so. I'm ALWAYS so negative when I'm with my sister, and I only look at bad things that had happened to me. What's wrong with me?
Sorry for bad English.

Welcome to Psych Central!

Good to see you here and I am sorry that you are struggling, but hey, you came to the right place!

We have many different forums here that can probably touch on anything you might want to know about, as well as many great moderators, community liaisons, and members that are willing to give their advice in hopes to help you!

We also have a great chatroom that you will be able to enter, once you have 5 approved posts. The chat community is really great and can help with on the spot advice when you need it.

I hope that you get as much out of this site as I have. It is truly a wonderful community!

welcome to psychcentral.

i'm sorry you didn't get much from your other thread.

psychcentral is a big place, with members from all diffrent time zones- so their's always a chance that your thread may be missed, or people just don't know how to respond. (but don't let that put you off because we're really supportive!)

welcome again

Hi GaGagirl,

I like your name! Your English is fine, no worries.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time in regard to your sister. I am thinking of you and I'm glad you joined us. Please stick around and check out the forums. We are here for you!

My boyfriend's son has autism. He is a wonderful boy and I love him. My boyfriend also has a daughter who is "normal" and I love her, too. I see both of his two kids as equals and not one being better than the other. In fact, I may slightly favor his son not because I feel sorry for him but because, well, I like his personality and connect with him even though he is not very talkative.

Welcome to PC!

Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate it

My biggest problem is that I rarely speak at college and other social situations. I really want to get friends, but it's so hard. Having friends is a mystery for me, because I've never tried to have a proper relationship with anyone before. I can't 'just' open my mouth and speak. It should be so easy, but it's like my mouth is frozen, especially at parties. I feel like I don't have anything interesting to say and that I don't belong there. I think I also may have a mild form of social anxiety (which may be caused by bullying in the past), but I'm not sure because I've always been really shy and quite. I hate that my parents keep saying that there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm often just sitting in my room by myself.. What should I do!?

Stop comparing yourself to others in your family, or to anyone else. It will only make you feel worse. Comparing oneself to others is a way of making oneself feel bad about oneself. Look at what you got going for you, without comparing to what others got. That process of comparing yourself to others, will only keep you feeling bad, for no reason.

Hi Gagagirl, Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Glad you posted again and got a better response here at Psych Central.(PC) I have tried comparing myself to others and was miserable most of my life. I am grateful I finally stopped comparing and looked for the special gifts that were buried inside me. It has taken time, but there really is a reason I am here, to be me. No one else can do that any better than me.

There is a forum on Autism and Aspergers
Autism and Asperger's Syndrome - Forums at Psych Central

Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Depression chat meets on Thursday night at 9pm EST and Anxiety Wednesday at 8PM.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Hi TheGagagirl1234,

Welcome to PC!

Sorry to read that you're struggling. Socializing isn't often something we're born with. Maybe just focus on one small change you'd like to see, then try it until it's second nature?
Siblings are designed to be different from one another, imo. Look at the prose that you've written, hers might not even come close? Just tossing that thought out there.

Was just coming here to say this. I used to compare myself to others all the time and it made me miserable. Eventually stopped caring and it lessen my stress. Easier said than done, I know, but it is possible.

Don't compare yourself you sound like a wonderful person!

It would be much easier if I wasn't reminded of her success constantly.

I look at you no less than anyone else. You have things your sister doesn't have too. Your heart sounds enormous. Sisters are all different, they aren't born the same. My little sister was born with all the looks and I have the mental illness. My older sisters are popular too. And I'm like a hermit. Many share the same feelings as you do. People with autism have a huge creative side or can do one thing severely well.

Start by telling us some positive things about you please.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

I've been told that I am very creative, and that I'm good at writing stories and mixing colors together. However, I feel like my little sisters success destroys my positive thoughts about life
I don't feel the same pleasure with writing stories anymore, and I'm getting tired of it. I'm generally tired of my life