Random Thoughts

I haven't really written in a while. But there are days when I don't feel comfortable bothering my friends with all my dark thoughts. Been feeling especially sad as of late. Thinking about what I am doing with my life and how it's really not much at all. People don't usually like to be bothered with such petty complaints so I keep it in. Makes me wonder if I ever make my friends feel bad about them coming to me with their problems...maybe I am a hypocrite. I'm probably a really awful friend who doesn't listen enough to everyone's problems. I used to listen but as of late no one ever really talks to me besides my online friends. And even then I find it hard to bother them. I get these feelings that people secretly hate me, especially when I say sorry. Because I dislike offending people or conflict and it's a whole lot of stuff swirling around in my thoughts before going to bed. Sorry if it sounds like nonsense, I just needed to get it out without putting any one poor human soul on the spot to listen to me for 5 minutes. I pity the people who have to listen to my rants all the time. I don't know why anyone would want to be my friend.

I feel the same way, the few friends I have in real life I think hate me or are scared of me.

I wish I could be invisible. Then no one would be hurt by my presence. No one would remember anything nice I did. They would just think that food delivery dropped down from the sky. Or money yay free money! Honestly they'd probably think god did that as a thank you to them for something good they did or deserve in their life. No one would remember me. Wouldn't it be great. I'd love being forgotten about. If no one ever spoke for me, no one would ever know I did anything. The best invisible puppet ever.