Angry @ my grown kids, not coping well...

Just another morning of them getting ready for classes. My twin girls are 21 and constantly fight. The one slams doors and the other just talks and yells over me or her sister.

I've had it. I'm over the fact that if I tell them they're out of here as of their Christmas break, then they'll hate me forever. They obviously let go of how their stepmom & their dad let them leave to live here full-time. The stepmom's had several mini strokes and now needs them to help her out from time to time.

I love my girls but need some peace in my life. They need some serious separation too. They drive one car, live together, go to university classes together and work together. There is nothing but friction.

So, I'm going to put my mental and emotional health first. I need to get more hours at work or a better job before I can move out or pay for this place on my own. They help with rent/utilities. Maybe if they are gone, they'll see how good they had it.

Angry, hurting, emotionally drained...

Have you talked to them about how they feel about their step-mom? About their situation with their step-mom and dad? If you're angry, hurting, and emotionally drained, maybe they are too. They may be reacting to stress that's going on in their lives, especially if they're emotionally affected by their stepmom's serious health problems, which I'm sure they are. Maybe try sitting down and having a calm talk with them about these issues, and listen to what they have to say. They may fight constantly, but the root cause could be about something completely different, like their parents.

Thanks, yes I've thought about that many times. I think whatever the root cause is, they need to be seperate individuals. They are just together too much for siblings. There's been comparison and judgement of one against the other by some family members on both sides...their dad & my family. I'm just at the end of my rope and can only help them so much. I cannot tell my daughter that is so angry to go talk to somebody because she's afraid her sister will rat her out. It's just too much some days...

But thanks and let me know if you think of something I might be missing.

Siblings do fight with each other....a lot. But siblings are generally the closest ppl. Just shooting an arrow in the dark here, but since even I am irritated by little arguments and desperately crave peace and quiet, is it possible that you are having anxiety issues (that's the case with me)??

Yes I could be more anxious than my norm...money worries, not enough work, issues with aging parents (and a very dysfunctional mother) Lately it doesn't seem to end. We had coffee this morning and just hung out and chatted...right now I don't know just what to do with the stress of work/money (or lack of)

They are 21, time for them to live on their own. If not, things will only get worse for them and you.

@Cat_Love_58 - Are you currently in therapy? If not, do book an appointment. Anxiety eats you away - neither lets you enjoy your present, nor lets you build a good, healthy future.

I have a plan in place and think it will help for now. I think one of the "root" problems that plague my daughters is the trauma my mother has put them through. She just came into my daughter's work place and is telling her, "You never come to see me.." Both of my daughters don't like her one bit right now.

I think this is one issue to deal with tonight when my daughter gets home from work. I can't change my inappropriate mother who makes everything sexual and makes my girls very uncomfortable and angry, but I can be there and certainly acknowledge their feelings and back them up.

Someone asked if I'm in therapy. I've been for years...

Are they identical or fraternal. As twins they probably have been together more than most siblings and often get thought of as almost one person. Sounds like they need some time apart to establish separate identities