[mnmltek]

So I've been trying to analyze my behavior and perhaps understand the underlying reason or cause. I have some ideas, but I am more concerned about my current emotional state rather than the cause. I can't fix the cause since I have not invented time travel yet, but I hope to fix the current state.

My problem is not being able to cope with any kind of negative event or stress. I am not talking about work or break up or anything superficial. I am talking about health, my family, my wife, and my dog (which is kind of why I am freaking out now). Because of the underlying cause, which has been present since I was born, I am simply not able to cope with events. I don't know how to react like an adult, like a man, like a grown up, like someone with adequate interpretation of a situation would react. I freak out, panic, blame, snap, take radical action and all that good stuff. I am almost at a point where I am going to lose my wife because she can't take my behavior any longer

Example: Went on a long weekend getaway this weekend. Dog starting showing symptoms of some illness. I freaked out because my dog is my everything. He is more important to me than life itself. I ended up driving me wife (and myself) up the wall and we basically just came back home. Went to the Vet. The dog should be OK, I hope, but I can't stop worrying. My mind is going nuts. Every little thing about his behavior sends me into panic. I can't live like this any longer. I am going to start therapy soon, but until then I wish I had some idea as to how to manage these emotions. How do I not go nuts and react so inadequately to life. Not everything is going to be smooth. There will be stressful things in life and I need to learn to cope with them. Otherwise I will not survive... How do you cope? How did you learn to? I've never had anyone in my life who taught me how to cope or react or anything. I kind of grew up on my own. I am stuck. I am not sure what to do. Please help with some thoughts. Thanks!

[kaliope]

what really helped me keep from going from 0-60 as i called it was taking a dbt class. it is meant for borderline personality disorder but it is geared toward emotional regulation. it is about staying in the moment and using mindfulness. i dont really go for all that mindfulness stuff in its truest sense but the class worked miracles for me. i no longer go off the rails when i am stressed anymore. i dont even think about it in the steps anymore to be able to explain it to you (sorry). it is just part of my life. you can find some very good workbooks online to get you started. i can share some anxiety reducing techniques i use though.

i have this thing called an anxiety meter that i visualize in my head. it goes from 0 to 10, 10 being the worst anxiety ever. so when i am anxious, i see where the needle registers on the meter. then i do breathing exercises until i get it down to a four. which is manageable for me. sometimes i see a knob on the meter and i will manually turn down the meter to four so i can calm down faster. practicing this enough, all i have to do now when i am anxious is say dial down, and i can calm myself.

i have a technique i use for unwanted thoughts. i have a door at the front of my mind and one at the back of my mind. the thoughts come in the front door and the only attention i give them is to notice them long enough to escort them out the back door. they are like clouds drifting through. i do not become attached to them, the only thing i think in my head is "thats it, out the back door". i will even visualize the thought being thrown out of my mind like a bouncer throwing a drunk out of a bar.

i hope these help.

[bipolar angel]

Kaliope-thanks for thoughts info! I just realized I have been doing that for a long time withoutt realizing it
Since I was quite young-in my mind, I always crossed out/scribbled over bad thoughts with black crayon!

[HeavyMetalLover]

Originally Posted by mnmltek

So I've been trying to analyze my behavior and perhaps understand the underlying reason or cause. I have some ideas, but I am more concerned about my current emotional state rather than the cause. I can't fix the cause since I have not invented time travel yet, but I hope to fix the current state.

My problem is not being able to cope with any kind of negative event or stress. I am not talking about work or break up or anything superficial. I am talking about health, my family, my wife, and my dog (which is kind of why I am freaking out now). Because of the underlying cause, which has been present since I was born, I am simply not able to cope with events. I don't know how to react like an adult, like a man, like a grown up, like someone with adequate interpretation of a situation would react. I freak out, panic, blame, snap, take radical action and all that good stuff. I am almost at a point where I am going to lose my wife because she can't take my behavior any longer

Example: Went on a long weekend getaway this weekend. Dog starting showing symptoms of some illness. I freaked out because my dog is my everything. He is more important to me than life itself. I ended up driving me wife (and myself) up the wall and we basically just came back home. Went to the Vet. The dog should be OK, I hope, but I can't stop worrying. My mind is going nuts. Every little thing about his behavior sends me into panic. I can't live like this any longer. I am going to start therapy soon, but until then I wish I had some idea as to how to manage these emotions. How do I not go nuts and react so inadequately to life. Not everything is going to be smooth. There will be stressful things in life and I need to learn to cope with them. Otherwise I will not survive... How do you cope? How did you learn to? I've never had anyone in my life who taught me how to cope or react or anything. I kind of grew up on my own. I am stuck. I am not sure what to do. Please help with some thoughts. Thanks!

I am by no means a doctor or have ANY qualifications to diagnose anyone BUT......Have you considered that you may have borderline personality disorder? I do and man, that OP you posted sounds sooooooooooooooo familiar! Of course, I also am bipolar, so my emotions tend to be extreme and I do NOT handle stress well AT ALL left to my own devices. It doesn't, btw,mean you're inadequate in any way. That's negative judgement and, no offense, but it sounds like you're beating yourself up a lot. I do that too and it really doesn't help anything in the long run.

Maybe you can consider talking to a professional and, please for your own sanity, be kind to yourself? You deserve it!!

Also, I have 4 cats & a dog that mean the world to me so I can totally relate. If they fell ill I would probably lose it.

[bipolar angel]

I hope your dog is doing better. Kaliope has some good suggestions-I want to try them myself. Also as mentioned-please-be kind to yourself! We all deserve kindness, love, understanding

[KQiao]

Originally Posted by kaliope

what really helped me keep from going from 0-60 as i called it was taking a dbt class. it is meant for borderline personality disorder but it is geared toward emotional regulation. it is about staying in the moment and using mindfulness. i dont really go for all that mindfulness stuff in its truest sense but the class worked miracles for me. i no longer go off the rails when i am stressed anymore. i dont even think about it in the steps anymore to be able to explain it to you (sorry). it is just part of my life. you can find some very good workbooks online to get you started. i can share some anxiety reducing techniques i use though.

i have this thing called an anxiety meter that i visualize in my head. it goes from 0 to 10, 10 being the worst anxiety ever. so when i am anxious, i see where the needle registers on the meter. then i do breathing exercises until i get it down to a four. which is manageable for me. sometimes i see a knob on the meter and i will manually turn down the meter to four so i can calm down faster. practicing this enough, all i have to do now when i am anxious is say dial down, and i can calm myself.

i have a technique i use for unwanted thoughts. i have a door at the front of my mind and one at the back of my mind. the thoughts come in the front door and the only attention i give them is to notice them long enough to escort them out the back door. they are like clouds drifting through. i do not become attached to them, the only thing i think in my head is "thats it, out the back door". i will even visualize the thought being thrown out of my mind like a bouncer throwing a drunk out of a bar.

i hope these help.

Those actually sound like really good general coping strategies. I didn't even know this was a thing. There are workbooks for coping skills? I must look these up.

@mnmltek I would freak out if anything happened to any of my cats. I hope your puppy is getting better.

[*Laurie*]

mnmltek, I can relate very easily to your post. For example, I have constant, severe anxiety over worrying about my pets getting sick. I feel unable to cope with their suffering or death. In the past I have gone through the illnesses and deaths of some of my pets and it was so frightening and awful, I am terrified of having to go through it again.

DBT is a little bit helpful. I like kaliope's meter. Watching my breathing is important. Medication really helps. But yeah, overall, I have the same questions you have about coping skills.