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#1
Oct 15, 2015, 08:17 PM
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Right now I'm extremely ashamed and angry with myself for my behavior today. Not only today but I've done things to try and sabotage myself out of what is good in my life right now.
My anger with myself and sabotaging behavior led to a moment today where I lost it and acted out in a way I haven't done in over ten years when I was having serious anger issues, it was very immature. I'm so ashamed and shocked at how this came out of me, I'm so embarrassed. It scares me that I am still capable of this behavior after all this time, it's so frightening. Just when I think I'm doing better I nearly screw things up for myself. I guess I have something to talk about with my T next week. I hope what I have done these past few weeks does not blow back on me. I don't know why I do this but it has to stop before it catches up with me. |
 Aviza, avlady, PianogirlPlays, psyco123, unaluna, vital
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#2
Oct 16, 2015, 12:35 AM
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What happened? Something at work set you off? That happens to me alot.
__________________
You can't force something if it's just not right. |
| avlady
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#3
Oct 16, 2015, 12:41 AM
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hi,
Nutters, if u could mention the incident that took place. To stop sabotaging means to stop hurting yourselves.. there are 7 ways which u can try... 1. Observe your behavior without judgment. 2.Find the roots of your behaviors 3.Identify your triggers 4.Examine when you are most susceptible 5.Create a new vision and find alternative behavior 6.Find witnesses and support 7.Remember the big picture
__________________
A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away. 
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| avlady
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 PianogirlPlays
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#4
Oct 16, 2015, 11:16 AM
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I too sabotage things in my life. It has happened in the workplace and with relationships.
In both cases it isn't an instant trigger rather coming after the build up of emotions. In the example of work I force myself to perform at a high level - which I can't maintain. I am constantly afraid I will screw up or otherwise get into trouble. I will quit before I allow that to happen. In the case of relationships I too am scared of being a screw up, cheated on, and unloved. I am constantly not trusting (out of past experiences) and convinced they will do something against me that I jump at any indication this may happen. Yes, I've been take advantage of and hurt in my relationships, but perhaps my problem is not giving them a chance. Perhaps the real problem is I feel I'm undeserving of happiness. My bipolar I know comes into play. My sense of unworthiness is no doubt the source but I tend to have periods in my life of great irritability and impulsivity. Does this sound familiar? |
| avlady, PianogirlPlays
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#5
Oct 17, 2015, 01:53 PM
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Quote:
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| avlady
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| PianogirlPlays
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#6
Oct 17, 2015, 05:05 PM
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Quote:
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#7
Oct 24, 2015, 08:59 AM
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My apologies for such a late reply, I stayed away from these forums for a bit. I definitely talked about it with my T. The outburst I had was in a public place, I really lost it over something really stupid, something I had not done in 10 years. I was in the middle of withdrawal on a medication and I think that had something to do with it. However, something else I have been doing is just due to my mental health state, I'm making changes to stop this cycle of ruining things for myself. I really appreciate your comments and support, this forum has been a great deal of help.
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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