Abandonment, fear and blame

Hey,

I'm really sad that both my parents abandoned me emotionally.. And I keep wondering and fearing what people will think of me if they find this out - I suppose I'm scared they'll blame me.. As in, what kind of a kid was I that not even my own parents wanted me.. Can anyone relate? How have you been able to solve this fear?

I can relate. Still struggling with those issues myself and have just started therapy again to try and work thru them.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through something like this as well, Gazelle98 I found therapy really helpful - sadly I can't afford it at the moment. Hope yours helps you find relief

Parents how are emotionally distant from their children, are that way because the too, got problems about being emotionally open. It usually has nothing to do with the children personally, or what kind of children they were. All children in this kind of situation, will think they are responsible. But this conclusion is not true, and never has been.

Thunder Bow, your comment is just - everything, thank you so so much! It's so different when someone else tells you what you already know to be true in your head but can't feel in your heart.. Thank you!

I too can relate

I completely realise my mother's emotional detachment and expection of perfection goes back to the way the was she raised by her own mother and the way my grandmother was in turn raised. My mom was older when she had me and her own mom quite old when she had her. Consequently, my grandmother was raised in Edwardian England (think Downton Abbey). She was raised by nanny's and surrounded by servants, seeing her parents only when she was 'presented' after dinner. She and so my mother and then I were raised to speak only when spoken to and that one must behave as though they were constantly on show. One mustn't be common was what my mother always said. Ironically she married a preacher/professor. I was in fact quite common growing up.

I have a constant running commentary in my head in my mother's voice telling me how to behave and reminding me I am always being watched and critiqued. Hence my morbid social anxiety of what people might think about me and how I am such a failure.