[The Madcap]

Okay, so I really need help. Sometimes my girlfriend gets stressed out with college, and it makes her deppressed. I'm always there for her when she is sad, and I always will be. I encourage her and comfort her. Whenever she is sad though, I always feel..strangely, happy..and like energetic. But whenever she is all happy and energetic, I feel irritable and sad. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my girlfriend happy..I just don't get why I get irritable and depressed when she is happy, and then when she is depressed, I feel happy..please help..i swear, i'm not a bad boyfriend. I don't abuse her (actueally I like to consider myself a casual femanist) I treat her like a queen. am I bipolar or something?

I found the same thing happened sometimes in my relationships when I was depressed.. I think it might be as simple as realizing when your partner is happy, they have more strength and are reliable, therefore you feel like it's okay to let your guard down and feel low, knowing she may be able to lift you up while she is feeling better. Just an idea, it might make no sense. When she is depressed, you might not be realizing you are putting on a strong part of you that requires you to be happy to help her out of her depression. This might not be one of my brighter things to say to help someone. sorry

Could it be that you have an emotional dependence on your girlfriend? That her being down makes you feel better about yourself - especially being responsive too and looking after her own emotional needs. Thus when she is doing better and doesn't need that extra emotional support, that rewarding need to be a helper is left with a gaping hole.

I don't mean to say that this is negative nor that you are suconciously using her. I mean that it is more of a symbiotic relationship.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by The Madcap

Okay, so I really need help. Sometimes my girlfriend gets stressed out with college, and it makes her deppressed. I'm always there for her when she is sad, and I always will be. I encourage her and comfort her. Whenever she is sad though, I always feel..strangely, happy..and like energetic. But whenever she is all happy and energetic, I feel irritable and sad. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my girlfriend happy..I just don't get why I get irritable and depressed when she is happy, and then when she is depressed, I feel happy..please help..i swear, i'm not a bad boyfriend. I don't abuse her (actueally I like to consider myself a casual femanist) I treat her like a queen. am I bipolar or something?

I don't know if you're bipolar or not, but I am and sometimes I get like that too. I don't understand why either. I sometimes think maybe I might be suspicious of my bf as to WHY he's so happy or something and it makes me upset thinking it has nothing to do with ME. I doubt that makes any sense but it's one of my theories. We also rarely agree on the temperature as well. If I'm hot, he's cold and if I'm cold he's hot. We're just always on opposing sides for some reason.

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I don't know if you're bipolar or not, but I am and sometimes I get like that too. I don't understand why either. I sometimes think maybe I might be suspicious of my bf as to WHY he's so happy or something and it makes me upset thinking it has nothing to do with ME. I doubt that makes any sense but it's one of my theories. We also rarely agree on the temperature as well. If I'm hot, he's cold and if I'm cold he's hot. We're just always on opposing sides for some reason.

Yeah, i get you. I love my girlfriend to death, don't get me wrong. But yeah, I get suspicious alot. But I really blame my past relastionships. I was emotionally abused and cheated on by one girl. she cheated on me with my two best friends. Plus my Anxiety runs in my dads side of the family and I have bad anxiety. Whenever we are going to go to a movie or like even just out to eat, I always get ready last minute (I have ADD so i suck at doing things on time xD) but i'll be rushing to get ready and look nice, and then she will already be at my house. i'll get really irritable because she will look all nice and dolled up and i'll look like crap or my hair isnt done drying or something. She'll be blasting it'll irritate me a little. sometimes I feel super confident and hyperactive and good looking, especially if she is feeling down. but if she is all hyper and stuff, or even when she isnt hyper, i'll feel lazy, self cautious, ugly, paranoid and irritable. sorry.,i'm just naming my symptoms because you're Bipolar and i'm wondering if you ever get like that

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by rcat

Could it be that you have an emotional dependence on your girlfriend? That her being down makes you feel better about yourself - especially being responsive too and looking after her own emotional needs. Thus when she is doing better and doesn't need that extra emotional support, that rewarding need to be a helper is left with a gaping hole.

I don't mean to say that this is negative nor that you are suconciously using her. I mean that it is more of a symbiotic relationship.

No I understand you. I feel like i'm worth something when she is down. like I have purpose. like it makes me feel good when I help her, because she says i'm the only one there for her and stuff like that and I feel special.

[Thunder Bow]

Do not judge yourself or compare yourself to others. Her mania by be a sign she is feeling depressed, and you are just picking up on it.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by The Madcap

Yeah, i get you. I love my girlfriend to death, don't get me wrong. But yeah, I get suspicious alot. But I really blame my past relastionships. I was emotionally abused and cheated on by one girl. she cheated on me with my two best friends. Plus my Anxiety runs in my dads side of the family and I have bad anxiety. Whenever we are going to go to a movie or like even just out to eat, I always get ready last minute (I have ADD so i suck at doing things on time xD) but i'll be rushing to get ready and look nice, and then she will already be at my house. i'll get really irritable because she will look all nice and dolled up and i'll look like crap or my hair isnt done drying or something. She'll be blasting it'll irritate me a little. sometimes I feel super confident and hyperactive and good looking, especially if she is feeling down. but if she is all hyper and stuff, or even when she isnt hyper, i'll feel lazy, self cautious, ugly, paranoid and irritable. sorry.,i'm just naming my symptoms because you're Bipolar and i'm wondering if you ever get like that

Yep! I sure do! I just thought of something. In my case I think that maybe when my bf's happy that his level of happiness might far exceed my own, leaving me to feel sort of left out. Like I won't be able to keep up with his energy or something. Or maybe because we're not happy about the same things, so then I get depressed because we don't have that in common. If that makes any sense.

[avlady]

I don't know if anyone else said this but maybe you feel unneeded when she's in a good mood because you're so used to being her strength and when she doesn't need it at a certain time, you feel unloved or useless. just a thought

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Yep! I sure do! I just thought of something. In my case I think that maybe when my bf's happy that his level of happiness might far exceed my own, leaving me to feel sort of left out. Like I won't be able to keep up with his energy or something. Or maybe because we're not happy about the same things, so then I get depressed because we don't have that in common. If that makes any sense.

You may be right about that! I think thats for my case too! :0 and whenever she hangs out with friends and stuff, I get depressed because my friends hardly hang out with me anymore, and she has a connection with her friend (her friend is a female) and like everyone knows they are best friends. My best friend hardly hangs out with me, and like when i was in high school we used to be known as best friends by everyone. but like we hardly hang out..I have a good relastionship with my girlfriends best friend, and I'm not controlling at all. My girlfriends ex was that way and I would never want to be like that. I don't know, I just get depressed because I have like no friends anymore and my girlfriend has alot of friends. i'm shy and really weird and shes outgoing sometimes, smart, and makes friends easily..i dont know..

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by avlady

I don't know if anyone else said this but maybe you feel unneeded when she's in a good mood because you're so used to being her strength and when she doesn't need it at a certain time, you feel unloved or useless. just a thought

Exactly what i'm thinking. I feel useless and feel like other things, other then me, make her happy..

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by The Madcap

You may be right about that! I think thats for my case too! :0 and whenever she hangs out with friends and stuff, I get depressed because my friends hardly hang out with me anymore, and she has a connection with her friend (her friend is a female) and like everyone knows they are best friends. My best friend hardly hangs out with me, and like when i was in high school we used to be known as best friends by everyone. but like we hardly hang out..I have a good relastionship with my girlfriends best friend, and I'm not controlling at all. My girlfriends ex was that way and I would never want to be like that. I don't know, I just get depressed because I have like no friends anymore and my girlfriend has alot of friends. i'm shy and really weird and shes outgoing sometimes, smart, and makes friends easily..i dont know..

Yeah you sound like me! I have a few friends but we don't hang out much. He has more and they seem to be able to hold his attention longer than I can. Right now I'm home sick as Hell watching my grandkids and he's off in the deer woods! He says "Well I'm not going to just sit here all day!", and I'm thinking "it's not what I want to do either, but I'm stuck here!" I don't have anywhere really to go. Everyone I know is out enjoying their weekend. Not me!