[failureatlife]

I'm struggling with how to deal with lies of omission. I've been going through this for over four and a half years. They were things that completely shattered my life and brought back feelings of similar lies that had taken me years of counseling to recover from. I have no support though which makes it harder this time. I have had no counseling this time because no one thinks it is necessary. They seem to think I should just forget it and move on with no acknowledged apologies from the liars. I feel like I just don't mean anything to anyone except for appearances sake. This is all family oriented. I have no close friends to talk to. I live an empty life. I go to work because I have to and when I'm not at work I just want stay in my house but I can't get motivated enough to do anything at home. I am of no value to anyone.

Sounds horrible. Like a PTSD situation.

[Thunder Bow]

Sounds horrible. Like a bad Family situation. Are you still living with your family?

[failureatlife]

No I don't live with the ones I'm having the trouble with.Very small family though. Three generations involved. Households of two, three, and two. I'm in the middle. Family was all I had. All my focus was toward having a happy family that cares about each other and understood how much I care about them. But my feelings and actions just don't seem to count.

Never mind what "they" think about counseling. It sounds like you will need it. Perhaps you can add family to counseling with you. There is no resolution in forgetting anything (IMO). Hope it can work out.

you're right about the omission of information. I think this can be the worse form of lying. In my experience such 'lies' were indicative of a secret life. Far more hurtful.

You're right, the key is acknowledgement. A true apology must acknowledge all aspects of the wrong - not just that it happened but an acknowledgement of your thinking, perception and conclusions at the time. Above all, there must be acknowledgement that you aren't stupid.

A blanket acknowledgement will never release the resentment.

Forgiveness will never happen without that release of resentment.

Forgetting will never happen without forgiveness.

BUT, I personally do not believe that forgetting is always best. I think it does both parties well to remember the transgression. For pushing it back is not only unhealthy but may make the transgression more likely to happen again.

[failureatlife]

You're right Cloudburst I shouldn't let their opinion of counseling guide me. My parents were asked to see come in by two different counselors and they did talk to each of them. I think that came across to my Mother as them having done something wrong. She is the most opposed to my getting help from a professional. I think it was just an aid for the counselor to better understand and help me. I was not dealing with problems involving my parents then.
I have to admit that financial constraints are also a factor this time.
Thank you for your response it's helping me to know I'm not completely alone in my thinking.

[failureatlife]

rcat, you put my feelings into words so well. It shows me that I can be understood, that I'm not total crazy or stupid. I so wish my family members could understand and allow me to have my own feelings and opinions without making me feel crazy, stupid and ultimately worthless.
I do have trouble expressing myself which is only made harder when no really cares how I feel only how they want me to feel.
I'm ok with people having different opinions than mine, I just don't know why mine always have to be the wrong ones.
When I asked if I could use your words I didn't mean to imply I would take credit for them, on the contrary, it would help me show I'm not alone in the way I feel.
It may sound strange but your words have given me a boost in self esteem that will keep me from giving up. I just can't thank you enough.