[naurwen]

Hi everyone. I don't really know how to start this; I'm a very, very shy person and even posting online gives me severe anxiety but I'm lost at this point in my life right now and I just don't know who to turn to.

I figure a little bit of backstory is in order. I'm 20 years old, have been diagnosed with severe social anxiety, GAD, and depression. I've been to many different counselors, psychiatrists/psychologists, and the like to no avail. I've been on quite a few medications, although I can't remember the names anymore. I was even suggested to go to DBT, but with severe social anxiety, the group setting was not working for me.

Recently, I had an appointment with a new psychologist, hoping for some sort of guidance, idea, or help on what to do at this point in my life. I discovered that I am pregnant about a month ago, and I am SUPER excited as is my boyfriend, but I want to get my mental health in check before the baby arrives so I can be the best mother I possibly can.

Anyways, I feel like there is more to my problems than just anxiety and depression. BPD was actually tossed around by a few doctors but I was never diagnosed (nobody in my area will actually give me a diagnoses for anything; I lived in a different state when diagnosed with my other disorders), but I am getting very fed up, feeling like there is something wrong with me and getting nowhere with any doctors.

The new psychologist, whom I will never go to again, did virtually nothing other than tell me that I need to go to a Partial Hospitalization Program for intensive therapy and what not. I set up the screening with the woman who runs it and was told my issues are not 'bad' enough to warrant me going.

I feel very alone at this point in my life. I can't hold down a job (which I have brought to the attention of many doctors), working makes me so depressed I end up crying when I wake up in the morning, knowing I have to go to work, and then crying when I come home, knowing that I have to go back the next day. I don't want to be like this. I feel like I'm freeloading but I don't know what to do. I've had roughly between 10-15 jobs in the past four years.

I can't make friends and really haven't had any since elementary school, if I think about it. Relationships are hard for me; I'll be fine with a person one minute and dislike them the next and I'm not sure why.

I'm very impulsive, but I feel that I'm getting a hold of myself now. I have so much credit card debt because I bought things just to have them. Shopping always made me feel better. I've also done drugs and drank a lot in the past, although I made the decision to cut all of that out of my life a couple months back and was able to quit with no problem.

My biggest issue at the moment is just having nobody to talk to other than my mother and my boyfriend. I'm so lonely, but I understand why people wouldn't want to be friends with me. I've been very tempermental and angry for the past few years honestly. I can be sweet one minute and completely angry and throwing a fit the next.

I just get so sick of sitting at home all day, talking to nobody, and doing nothing. I feel like I'm floating through life right now and I'm at a loss for what to do. I just want to be able to do the things that I see others doing - working, going out with friends, etc.

Sorry this has been so long, it felt good to get it all out there. I guess I'm just looking for advice or even for someone to tell me that I'm not alone here. Thanks for reading this incredibly long post and I appreciate any advice or comments anyone can give me

[Mountainbard]

Welcome to the Psych Central community, naurwen! You are definitely not alone. There are many people here dealing with issues similar to yours. Just post and respond in the forums of interest to you, and you'll soon meet some of them. This is a safe place. No one judges here because we're all dealing with our own stuff. I hope you can find a new psychiatrist who can give you a proper diagnosis. I wish you luck as a new mother. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[Quarter life]

Hi naurwen.

I'm sorry you are having such a bad time of things.....There are many good listeners here...were a pretty good bunch.

I have been an active member of this site for around 2 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. For those that feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......this is the place.
I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction... a great way to have some well needed fun, and meet like minded others.

Should you have any questions on navigating this site, please don't hesitate to private message me or any of the other Community Liaisons who will be more than happy to help. Just click on the screen name above my avatar.

Be kind to yourself naurwen, and welcome to P.C

[Teddy Bear]

I'm very shy in person but here I've found it's easier to talk to people here because we have had some similar experiences. Feel free to talk to me anytime. hugs

[Fuzzybear]

[Nike007]

Hello. I was also shy at first for posting because of my social anxiety. Anxiety is my thing.

Anyways, if you feel that your diagnosis isn't you, you can try to get a second opinion elsewhere.

You are not alone. Many people (including me) have similar issues. You can try to join a group are interested. Forums are a good place to start, and then try to go to a group outside of a forum? I haven't reached that far really. I mean, I am in a club at my school, but outside, nope. Just remember: it will only get better over time. It's not going away tomorrow or the next day after that, but maybe months or years. Start off small and work your way up. Hope you find the forum here a friendly place .

Social anxiety disorder, GAD, OCD, and panic attacks

Lexapro, 10 mg

[Thunder Bow]

........"I've also done drugs and drank a lot in the past, although I made the decision to cut all of that out of my life a couple months back and was able to quit with no problem. ".........

If you were able to do that, then you are well on the road to recovery. Work on getting to know yourself and who you are. Maybe take some art classes. Try expressing yourself with art. Find a supporting environment in which you can do that. Never compare yourself to others.