[magical loser]

the work program/placement thing is getting worse + i dont know if i can survive it mentaly AND physicly. its got really cold now + the shop has crap heating, the back part has none, its like a fridge and i have to stand still for most of the day. when i come to move i can barely walk cos my toes are numb, when i finally get home it takes forever for me to "warm up" if you can call it that, im never properly warm anymore. it hurts but i am trying my best to ignore it. i know its just me because im "soft". i have circulation problems and i cant even do things to help the circultion (exercise, eating more) cos i dont have the time cos im there most of the day and cant eat while im there obvously

at least this is "working" i suppose, this is complete torture (both physiclly + emotionly) and that was the whole point. i was sent here for punishment for been unemployed (1 of the worst crimes you can do apparantly, or at least the most hated). i hope the taxpayers are happy now. its working

i dont see any point of existing anyway, apart from it been so much crap and nothing worth existing for i am now so ill theres no point trying to stay healthy at all. everything i do is instantly undone by this stupid thing. its a waste of time. if im still "alive" by the end of it i might try to fix this mess then. i say alive in a... medical sense i suppose coz my soul died a long time ago and i am anything but live. just some empty shell existing. also i refuse to use the word live/life because i am certainly NOT doing that!!

i am severly depressed when i am there... only. on days off i am ok and can actually even have fun sometimes. when i had a week off it was brilliant, i was totally fine, but that cant happen again i am not "depressed" its just caused by the situation im in... if im out of it long enough i can improve. i cannot wait until its over (in january)

saturdays are the worst, im in full day, its dead busy and i am all by myself all day + have to do everything at once, its hell. i always cant wait for the end of the day and it takes forever to be over. i hate it

having money problems too, had to buy new stuff for various reasons, which i cant afford and also have to buy stuff for lunch etc. and now i have to buy christmas presents for everyone and try to keep heating on and somehow also buy food. on top of all the bills. its just impossible! its never been this bad any other year

i just really hate everything right now...

[stewartmays1]

sounds like things are getting to much for you i understand your pain been their my self i dont know how else you can get past your issues other then taking it one day at a time and work on fixing your problems until things get better for you good luck

[magical loser]

thanks thats what im trying to do (take 1 day at a time + realise that every day that goes past is 1 less day i have to go + 1 day closer to "the end")

[Thunder Bow]

You would be better off unemployed. That place sounds like hell for you.

[magical loser]

i am unemployed but we have to do this as community service as punishment for been freeloaders :/

[Thunder Bow]

Are you being bullied? There is no excuse for that.

[magical loser]

but that is the whole point. its basically communtiy service, same as if you do a crime only this is much longer and 30 hours a week (for 26 weeks and im on week 20)

[Takeshi]

Probably you don't wanna hear this, do you have a plan after you gone through with that program?

How about the book you were reading? Have you been reading, learning anything after that in your spare time?

I do thinking all the time at work, you can work and think at the same time if it's not too busy, I believe it's achievable to have a less emotional response to an outside events, all on your own, even if you can't fix how you react to certain situations, the customers you don't like for example, I think seeing yourself when and how you react and do some analyzing, or you can just remember them as a record. Your mind might focus on not so annoying outside people or whatever, you can do something that's not a torture for yourself.

The system, the punishment you say is corrupt. If so, don't let it hurt you any more, demands your right for warm clothe, ask for more consecutive day offs.

How's the work environment btw? Is anyone on your side?

Sorry, the third paragraph might not be decipherable. Anyhow, I got a good one for you from the memory. Your attitude, under any circumstances has to be unshakable, unshakably good. D'you hear me?

Unemployment itself is tough and you won't know how long it's gonna be. I want you to keep working on yourself and come out strong. 20 weeks! 20 weeks of time, they robbed off you. Be angry if you have to, this may sound too harsh but no time to be feeling too depressed. Pat yourself on the back for having done the 20 weeks, you have survived, still standing. It's just the building, sucky place and sucky customers. By the way, will you be evaluated at some point? Does it matter at all in the future employment?

I hope you get yourself back again, Magic.