[TimTheEnchanter]

Explain this feeling, please. This is my least favorite season! I have a family, a wife and a beautiful daughter, a pretty safe life but I have no friends of my own. Not close ones. I have some (very few) scattered around the Globe but often I just want to chat a little (and I do not mean online but face-to-face) and I have nobody to talk to. Internet is my substitute (Skype) but even there, nobody ever calls me, I should reach out and I am usually just in the dark. These feelings are usually surfacing when I am in my elevated mood and subside when I am down. (then I don't want to talk). The problem is that I like to talk to interesting people not just anybody. When I am down, I can be dismissive and aloof. We have a circle of "friends" with my wife but that is not what I am looking for.
I am 59 (on Saturday) and I have no close relationship (a friend). People are just too busy or schedules do not match, or our interest are different. I think my problem is my mood disorder but there is nothing I can do other than start meds (lithium). Even that is uncertain because making friends at my age is hard.

Hey KinkyGuy. I am glad you posted this. We all get up there when we feel midlife has failed us. We either have friends but no job, money. Or we have money, job but no time for friends. Each of us has to find what works for ourselves. You need friends for yourself. Is there any hobbies that you are interested in that you can pursue? This gives you an opportunity to bond with other male friends to visit with. Like hiking, bird watching, fishing, photography, etc. There are many ways to slowly get involved in the community and to meet new people without spending a lot of money. Local libraries have book clubs that you can join. You read a book and get together and discuss the book. That is free and usually there is refreshments and coffee afterwards. Check into your local towns newspaper for events that you can get involved in and it can open up a world of opportunities for you. Don't think about it, just do it. The rest will come naturally. I hope this helps. Blessings.

[TimTheEnchanter]

Thanks Omega,
I have 15yo daughter and she is my "friend". I am her chauffeur so there is a conflict of free time...
The close friends I had in my youth(in Europe) are all but two are gone (not dead I hope) but I cannot locate them. In the US, everybody is either busy or broke as you commented.
But there is the issue of my mood, that had caused lots of friction and broken friendships. I am considering the possibility of further medication now. (lithium)
I am not a bad person, I just have a snappy temper, of course nobody likes that!

The meds should help. They make me feel more self-confident if i am depressed.

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by KinkyGuy

Explain this feeling, please. This is my least favorite season! I have a family, a wife and a beautiful daughter, a pretty safe life but I have no friends of my own. Not close ones. I have some (very few) scattered around the Globe but often I just want to chat a little (and I do not mean online but face-to-face) and I have nobody to talk to. Internet is my substitute (Skype) but even there, nobody ever calls me, I should reach out and I am usually just in the dark. These feelings are usually surfacing when I am in my elevated mood and subside when I am down. (then I don't want to talk). The problem is that I like to talk to interesting people not just anybody. When I am down, I can be dismissive and aloof. We have a circle of "friends" with my wife but that is not what I am looking for.
I am 59 (on Saturday) and I have no close relationship (a friend). People are just too busy or schedules do not match, or our interest are different. I think my problem is my mood disorder but there is nothing I can do other than start meds (lithium). Even that is uncertain because making friends at my age is hard.

Basically sounds you do have some type of mood disorder or are what they used to call 'touchy". You have a family but you still don't sound like your happy with just that. I'll take it. I just got divorced after a very long marriage,
and have two estranged older children. So I lost my whole family.
Also sounds like at least you know some people. I have yet to make real life friends as I am starting all over in a new place. Seems like you talk when your in the mood. You have ups and downs. Your like me also in the fact that I just don't talk to "anybody" just to talk.
Your wife's friends don't appeal to you. I think we have similar conditions in that we are hard to be friends WITH. When I get depressed I don't want to talk to anyone , ( except my therapist if I happen to have one at the time ).
You mention Lithium. Have you ben diagnosed by anyone ? Maybe you can use some medication for your mood.

BTW: I wasn't trying to compare your life with mine. I'm just saying what you have and I have lost. I don't really know who's better off.
Starting over at 60 was not something I had planned.

Good luck to you

[TimTheEnchanter]

Thank you Blue,
It is nice to hear from you. When starting out you can use Meetup to get to know people or a support group for free. I have tried both. They are worth it! As to clarify my reason to be "blue" is this;Basically, I have no relatives living either from my mother or father's side. This effects me around Christmas time more than the usual. I never had a siblings and my mother's family broke away because of my parents' neurotic and erratic behavior during my youth in Hungary. Eventually,I've left my family too, when I was 21. The Parents died and the cousins I have were much older than me, thus they are either dead or one leg in the grave...I have one cousin who was a published author and I have tried to contact to no avail.
I have a mood disorder that is not a full blown bipolar, I also have anxiety issues etc I am going to my pdoc on the 15th.

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

Basically sounds you do have some type of mood disorder or are what they used to call 'touchy". You have a family but you still don't sound like your happy with just that. I'll take it. I just got divorced after a very long marriage,
and have two estranged older children. So I lost my whole family.
Also sounds like at least you know some people. I have yet to make real life friends as I am starting all over in a new place. Seems like you talk when your in the mood. You have ups and downs. Your like me also in the fact that I just don't talk to "anybody" just to talk.
Your wife's friends don't appeal to you. I think we have similar conditions in that we are hard to be friends WITH. When I get depressed I don't want to talk to anyone , ( except my therapist if I happen to have one at the time ).
You mention Lithium. Have you ben diagnosed by anyone ? Maybe you can use some medication for your mood.

BTW: I wasn't trying to compare your life with mine. I'm just saying what you have and I have lost. I don't really know who's better off.
Starting over at 60 was not something I had planned.

Good luck to you

[avlady]

i also have few friends, i think it is because after we moved to a small town 20 years ago, ive seen more than my share of my neighbors whom i was friends, move away. i also have family in the city, but we rarely go there.i am going to start a volunteer job helping the elderly which i've done before too. good luck