[Yismymindblank12]

I'm very bad at being an adult in the game of making money and just getting a better income and a better living situation. I rarely got opportunities I needed. I tried to build my own, and it's not working. I'm too ****ed and I keep trying because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sick of being alive, like I'm working for what a somewhat easier older life I have. That's just stupid, all of it. I don't care anymore. Like it's not worth the effort. I haven't seen the good in it, and so I can't understand how other people will work hard.

I'm just so ungrateful because I would rather kill myself instead of being here makings something. I knew if my mom had died I was planning my suicide from a week ago and probably would of carried it out now, because I knew at that point on my hard work was for nothing and I would have my mom's debt be either homeless or in jail for being poor to avoid it I would of killed myself from more suffering. I don't care what you say I don't care if you call me a coward or I'm not caring, because I don't want to hear it.

I ****ing hate being an adult I ****ing hate living here, I don't want to put the work in when it brings no benefit and more the opposite. I worked 73 to 90 hours a week at 2 jobs before one who out right took 100 50 dollars all the time for a minimum wage job just because of some stupid **** I didn't even do. That they talked to me like I was a child and I put up with it because I needed the money, but the other one I had some dumbass kids who were all trying to get me to buy weed off them and my manager was a dumb heroin addict who stole from my drawer and other people's and framed them to cover up the fact he is too addicted to opiates.

Like and you tell me to toughen up go **** yourself.

I got one skill, but I need a ****ing degree to teach it, and I need another degree to work in a field related to it, so 10 years of experience means nothing. Like why is this whole job market thing a ****ing brick wall that only benefits the people who were given opportunity and not the people who need it and will take it, but aren't given.

I've really considering suicide still because this whole frustration. My therapist blows me off promises me all this stuff to help me, and nothing happens. I won't go to them anymore I won't get a new one because I can't afford to do insurance to do that in my position. I can't go to a doctor when sick I can't do anything. I have refused to be taken to the hospital even when they thought I was needed to be there.

This whole country is such a prison sentence and if anything why haven't people just go and kill themselves already why am I still here. I just don't like doing any of this and I'm sick of working and everyone dying and going away and my life feels like it was worth nothing, because of how unhappy I am, because I'm a ****ing idiot to this whole thing. I budget I work hard don't spend wastefully ever or even on food I don't look at the now and plan for the future in the upcoming weeks and get things done, but really I used to think it was easier to work up the ladder, but I don't get it. It's so ****ing hard and I can't explain to you how people think it's easy for me, and it isn't and say people who have it worse than me do better. Well they know where to look and know what to do. I don't.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even want advice on here. I don't care anymore. I don't want anything I dont' want to be here alive growing old I don't want to be older. I don't want to see myself older in the mirror I just want to be dead just to escape this. I won't feel anything there I'm not afraid of it anymore I don't want this pain I'm so sick of all of this.

[deepable]

Looks like you and me both fail at this game called life

I'm sorry you are in such emotional pain that you feel the only way out is to take your life.

I've been to that door a time or two and while it does seem like the only option at the time, it isn't.

I hope you choose to close that door and pick up the phone and reach out for help instead.

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

You can always revisit that door, but once you've gone through it you can never revisit life again!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[PISCES 71]

If you're still reasonably healthy...and sane, I'd take a moment to consider eternity. Nothing terrifies me so much as nothingness. I know it's all so much crap sometimes but it doesn't have to be that way.

You sound very dispirited regarding work and it's lack of reward for you. I have few assets but I need very little to be happy. I was lucky enough to hook up with a woman who shared my disdain for money and position...36 years ago.

Why grow up? Remain child like in your mind. Cut your needs to the bone and forego the frills...live in your mind. Create a pleasing fantasy and...live there.
Get a pet...they can literally save you.