Hi,

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. I've realised that, to me, fear automatically means danger - mortal danger. This goes back to my childhood when I was afraid my dad would get seriously violent. I've dealt with dissociation in therapy, and my therapist said there was probably a time when I was sure I was going to die, and this caused me to cut off my emotions. I must have been really small, and no one realised what was happening so they couldn't explain to me that it was normal that I was scared, but that it doesn't always mean I'm in danger.

Could someone please confirm to me that when I'm scared, it doesn't always mean something terrible is about to happen? I feel I already 'know' this, but need to hear it from someone else, too I believe this issue has actually kept me from living my life - I mean, life is full of scary things, and every time I've been afraid, I've automatically either turned away from what I was pursuing, or have cut off my emotions time and time again to be able to do what I've needed to do. When something scares me, it's like the alarms go off in my head screaming 'Danger, danger!' I can't live like this..

[lizardlady]

d.o.a., feeling in danger and being in danger are two very different things. It took me a long time to learn the difference because I'd learned they were the same.

The example that helped me sort out the difference was imagine you are sitting in a room and start feeling afraid. If you look around and there is nothing dangerous happening you are safe. You can then using coping skills to lower your fear. (I use positive self-talk - eg. "You are safe." "There is nothing here to harm you."
If someone just came in the room with a gun and is threatening people you are in physical danger. It's time to take action to protect yourself.

I hope this is some help.

[Thunder Bow]

Do not ignore fear. Just asses the situation, go with your gut feelings about it. You seem to have courage.

[gayleggg]

I fear so many things in life and understand how you equate it with danger but it doesn't always mean danger. It means you have a response that is sometimes right but usually wrong. I have to divide a piece of paper and write down pros vs con to reason out whether there is a danger. It helps settle my anxiety.

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[yagr]

Fear is a very useful signal along the path to freedom. The stronger the fear, the closer you are to what you are seeking. If you want to stay stuck where you are, fear tells you to stop where you are stay put. If however, you want to be free, fear let's you know that you're on the right path and to pick up the pace.