[PandorasAquarium]

So the doctor who broke me by lying, tricking me, being cruel, and saying I would live forever in pain, and then cancelled and rescheduled a surgery that I was really nervous about, only to quit her job the day before my pre-op was just on our local news. She was all smart and pretentious with her new job, spouting about how she cares for and helps so many people, trying to get more patients.

This woman left me high and dry, solidified my trauma and anxiety into PTSD by making me scramble to change work schedules, doctors appointments, condescending to me, patronizing and leaving me in chronic pain. I even had to cancel my therapy appointment to meet my new male surgeon, who surprised me with a pelvic exam less than a day before surgery. Then the surgery was horrible. I had a panic attack and still haven't stopped having nightmares. I can't let anyone touch me, not even my husband. I left scars on his hand from squeezing it so tight pre-op, and I feel so terrible.

After I recocered a bit, had a month pass by, I thought I was doing okay. I was working on physical therapy, mental health therapy, meditation, etc. I felt pretty even keeled really.

Then there she was spouting her mouth on tv, acting like she was the perfect doctor. And now I feel like I'm going to lose it. My heart rate is through the roof, I'm shaking, barely holding back tears, want to vomit. How can she go on just fine and I am now labelled a difficult patient and denied the treatment I need because I was driven to this state by doctors like her.

How do I calm back down? I did find every doctor review site on the Web to leave a brutally honest rating for her, but I still feel like my emotions are going to explode. I'm so defeated by doctors and their cruelty.

[Noca86]

(((hugs))) I have been traumatized by many doctors over the last 10.5 years and I truly do understand how you feel. I know that it is considered taboo for some reason in society to even question the motives or competence of a doctor but I don't adhere to taboos and I speak out anyway. I started doing the same, leaving detailed reviews of each doctor traumatized me. I have started recording every single doctors appointment because I do not trust any doctor at this point, I have been lied to, deceived, screwed, too many times that the trust will never be restored.

Canada's laws here allow one party consent, so as long as I am in the room with the video/audio recording, I do not need the consent of the other party. This way I have a record of every lie they tell, every screw up they make for which I can use in any dispute with the Ontario College of Physicians. Doctors are largely accountable to no one. This notion that they are all in their line of work for altruistic reasons is a total load of bull crap.

Sometimes I will post about my experiences with them online or share them with therapists or other healthcare workers. Sometimes I just feel like unleashing my anger on a punching bag which works well. I am currently in a group therapy for emotion regulation to try and learn to control the anger that has been caused from all the hell and trauma that doctors have put me through. Expressing yourself to volunteer listeners online like 7cupsoftea helps too so that you don't leave all that anger bottled up inside you. But I know what you mean. Everytime I hear or see the phrase "talk to your doctor" or "trust your doctor" my blood boils as well.