Simply Confused

Hi everyone!

I simply do not know where to put myself at this point. For the past months, I have been feeling simply miserable at almost everything. At this point, I am already trying to avoid all sorts of social interaction. My hate for interacting with other people has become so intense that I no longer want to go to Mass since it means coming into contact with other people I don't even know.

Lately, I have had a very tiny fuse. I just get mad at the tiniest detail. In fact I don't want to talk to anyone at home about it because people will think I am just having an episode. I think it's something much deeper because it this feeling of hate has been going on for years.

I used to exercise to get the stress away but now I have lost the drive and energy to exercise and if I force myself to, I simply feel exhausted.

I know this isn't much but if you have any questions, please ask away. Thanks.

It is dangerous to have a short fuse - you can hurt yourself and others, but mostly yourself.

Why do you hate? It seems excessive - you can forgive you know.

Is there someone you can speak to about this? Your priest perhaps?

I have no intent of hurting others because I want as few people to get involved as possible. If I talk to my parents they will just tell me to buck up. I'm sorry I really don't want to speak to a priest because there is nothing he can do about this.

Mainly I hate myself because I have always thought that I am always wrong. In fact I grew up being told that I was always wrong in whatever I did and I had to compromise in the end. Like the time I wanted to join the military but my parents wanted me to be doctor. I compromised by taking a pre-law course because that's the most "respectable" thing to do. Now I am trapped with getting a job that I may not be good at or less even like to do.

Thanks for checking in though.

Now you are an adult, do you still think you are wrong? No one is all right, few are all wrong.

I am not clear why you are trapped - you have no children, spouse, aged parents, debts or other responsibilities as far as I can tell. Another way of looking at this is that you have a certain freedom to find your own way.

Scary stuff, agreed, but a reason to harm yourself, perhaps not.

Perhaps you should undertake therapy to deal with challenging your negative core beliefs.

I've never really trusted therapists after my experience with guidance counselors when I was little. I'll think this over. Thanks!

I took some time thinking about your reply. From what I have gleaned, I think I tend to think I am wrong mainly because I rarely ever get any support for the things I really want. Which was why at the end of the day I just let go of everything and never bothered to ask for whatever it was or even hint it.

When I get turned down I simply get mad but I don't want to hurt the person so I turn it around at the only viable target: me. Right now, I think I'll need some time alone to think all this through.

Thanks for looking in though.