[Lightning117]

Hi everyone!

I simply do not know where to put myself at this point. For the past months, I have been feeling simply miserable at almost everything. At this point, I am already trying to avoid all sorts of social interaction. My hate for interacting with other people has become so intense that I no longer want to go to Mass since it means coming into contact with other people I don't even know.

Lately, I have had a very tiny fuse.

Possible trigger:

It has become so intense that I simply want to kill myself just to end this constant feeling of hate.

I just get mad at the tiniest detail. In fact I don't want to talk to anyone at home about it because people will think I am just having an episode. I think it's something much deeper because it this feeling of hate has been going on for years.

I used to exercise to get the stress away but now I have lost the drive and energy to exercise and if I force myself to, I simply feel exhausted.

I know this isn't much but if you have any questions, please ask away. Thanks.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It is dangerous to have a short fuse - you can hurt yourself and others, but mostly yourself.

Why do you hate? It seems excessive - you can forgive you know.

Is there someone you can speak to about this? Your priest perhaps?

[Lightning117]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

It is dangerous to have a short fuse - you can hurt yourself and others, but mostly yourself.

Why do you hate? It seems excessive - you can forgive you know.

Is there someone you can speak to about this? Your priest perhaps?

I have no intent of hurting others because I want as few people to get involved as possible. If I talk to my parents they will just tell me to buck up. I'm sorry I really don't want to speak to a priest because there is nothing he can do about this.

Mainly I hate myself because I have always thought that I am always wrong. In fact I grew up being told that I was always wrong in whatever I did and I had to compromise in the end. Like the time I wanted to join the military but my parents wanted me to be doctor. I compromised by taking a pre-law course because that's the most "respectable" thing to do. Now I am trapped with getting a job that I may not be good at or less even like to do.

Thanks for checking in though.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Now you are an adult, do you still think you are wrong? No one is all right, few are all wrong.

I am not clear why you are trapped - you have no children, spouse, aged parents, debts or other responsibilities as far as I can tell. Another way of looking at this is that you have a certain freedom to find your own way.

Scary stuff, agreed, but a reason to harm yourself, perhaps not.

Perhaps you should undertake therapy to deal with challenging your negative core beliefs.

[Lightning117]

Originally Posted by rcat

Perhaps you should undertake therapy to deal with challenging your negative core beliefs.

I've never really trusted therapists after my experience with guidance counselors when I was little. I'll think this over. Thanks!

[Lightning117]

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Now you are an adult, do you still think you are wrong? No one is all right, few are all wrong.

I am not clear why you are trapped - you have no children, spouse, aged parents, debts or other responsibilities as far as I can tell. Another way of looking at this is that you have a certain freedom to find your own way.

Scary stuff, agreed, but a reason to harm yourself, perhaps not.

I took some time thinking about your reply. From what I have gleaned, I think I tend to think I am wrong mainly because I rarely ever get any support for the things I really want. Which was why at the end of the day I just let go of everything and never bothered to ask for whatever it was or even hint it.

When I get turned down I simply get mad but I don't want to hurt the person so I turn it around at the only viable target: me. Right now, I think I'll need some time alone to think all this through.

Thanks for looking in though.