[Marylin]

I live alone, I have been alone most of my life.I am 52 years old now.

Aged 7 I had no friends,I had no friends aged 8 and 9,later I had one or two kids hanged out with me but only to steal my pocket money.I made a couple of friends at secondary school,well I sat next to them in certain lessons,but most of time I was alone and lonely.

My parents were strict, no talking to boys,no going out after school,no discos,no social life,don't get emotionally involved with strangers etc I had a sister who hated me the minute I was born,she later abused me as an adult and tried to kill me for the contents of my will.I have nothing to do with her for a year and a half.

Due to being isolated as a child I developed social anxiety.I used to have good social skills though because although I never had a lot of friends when very young,I did eventually learn to socialize.I worked in a shop and got very friendly and chatty with the people I worked with and the customers,also I am from a different culture and did know some people in the community whom I spoke to and interacted with.

Now I am grown up I have one friend whom I see once a week.But I need more friends and still have social anxiety.I'd like a boyfriend and wonder if at my age if it is too late.Any man would see me as a bit weird not to have had a relationship before in my whole life.I had a lot of mental and physical illness and was never ready or well enough for all that a relationship entailed.Also the men in my community as I grew up were angry,violent and controlling so I have always feared men and seemed to attract those types.I knew that was bad,so stayed away.

I don't know why but when I like someone I go all shy and afraid,and it is ridiculous to still be like that at my age.I am ok talking to men as friends but when things turn sexual and involved dealing with my sexuality and theirs I instinctively switch off.I was molested as a child and bullied and date raped in my twenties.Since then I pretended I didn't want a partner and didn't care.

But now I am alone in the world apart from my aged mother and my niece who is only 18 and off to university this year.I desperately want companionship and someone to share things with,someone who loves me and cares about me.I don't know where to look to find someone.I don't know how to overcome my intimacy fears and social anxieties.

Is it too late,should I resign myself to being alone forever?How do i then deal with the loneliness.I guess what I am saying is I am so lonely it hurts,how do I deal with the hurt?I am overwhelmed with negative emotions about all this I can't deal with and a lot of fear whether I decide to find someone or stay alone.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Marylin: The Skeezyks imagines that the best way to meet like-minded people would be to become involved in some volunteer activities that would be of interest. At least this is what I would do if I wanted to try to make new friends... (I don't...) Not everyone a person would meet would become a friend. But within communities of like-minded people is where the Skeezyks imagines one would be most likely to meet people who might become friends... to say nothing of intimate partners. Plus... even if one doesn't end up making new friends, one still has the satisfaction of helping others who are less fortunate than oneself & of being of benefit to society as a whole. No... please don't give up hope. At age 52, there's still plenty of time!

[Seablisse]

Wow I feel like I could have written your post. I am 52 and live alone now. I stay so lonely and yet when I am around other people I feel overwhelmed. The loneliness is suffocating me.

I think it might be helpful to look at what sort of activities you enjoy, what brings you joy and inner peace - are these things you could join hobby/interest groups for? Like craft/reading/sports those sort of things. Also as mentioned by Skeezyks is there anything you are drawn to volunteer in? All of those things can get you among people, but no need to pressurise yourself, take it slowly, maybe you will meet like minded souls who you really hit it off with or maybe just being among people with chit-chat will be enough for you.

I agree 52 is not old, you could be at the beginning of a new interesting phase in your life.

[ptangptang]

Look on meetup.com for local groups and join a few the interest you. If you can get into London there are loads but all big cities should have a good number. Walking groups are good. Whatever you can think of to get out amongst people will be worth it even if, from personal experience, things don't always go as you would want them to. Local papers sometimes have lists of clubs and events coming up. Libraries have lists of local groups and societies.

There are advantages to doing thing on your own. I like company on days out but I also like the flexibility of doing what I want, when I want, how I want and I always find people to talk to.

[Bpd26]

[ptangptang]

You could also think about volunteering. I volunteer as a befriender for 2 people. One, we usually play scrabble and the other we just sit and talk. I do it as much for myself and I can claim expenses so even better. Also, have you thought of doing online courses. There are loads, I've done some, they are really good. Check out coursera. They are free and some have online forums so you can interact with others that are doing the course. Good luck, feel free to message me.