What do you do ... ?

Have you ever felt that you are an alien to this life, as if your brain wasn't designed to the social life, and no matter what you do or say you cannot fit in because you end up doing and saying awkward and possibly inappropriate things, yet you want to connect with people? This is me, and right now I wish I wasn't born. Of course I can be myself and continue to be alone, but who wants to live alone all his/her life? What do you do if you are in a similar situation?

i'm not sure if i can give you a straight answer.

see with me, i've been alone for most (if not all) of my life, and i'm kind of used to it- and strangely enough, actually quite content with it (people just annoy me)

but i know what you mean.. your post made me think of the demmi lovato lyric, " everytime i try to be myself, it comes out all wrong like a cry for help"

and when i am around people that's usually the case

the conversation always comes back to, " i have these issues, and they are really bad", or " i hate my life, and think that somehow their's been a mistake", or something like that.. it's never a regular, normal conversation

also think a lot of it's down to having nothing to talk about- and not having many experiences that i can relate to.

i'd say for someone in their late 20's, i've missed out on quite a lot

Just wanted to say I feel your pain. I am going through exactly the same thing. I just feel like maybe I was designed to be on my own, to not interact with people in social situations. I wonder if you work and how you find that because I am fine in that situation but am hiding myself from everyone. The saying 'behind my smile is a breaking heart, behind my laugh I am falling apart, behind my eyes are tears at night and behind my body is a soul trying to fight' sums me up.

I am trying to increase my support network and social circle but I don't seem to be able to talk unless I am asked a direct question and I am terrified of saying the wrong thing so I sat very little. I think I understand how you feel and am sorry I cannot help. I am hoping my T is going to be able to help me but I do wonder if it is just too late or if I am just not designed for it. I do sometimes wonder if I would register on the low end of the autism spectrum because I just don't get people or emotions. They don't make sense to me. I like your analogy of an alien in this world, it fits.

I hope you can find some peace.

Actually I suspect that I might have Asperger's syndrome. I didn't interact with people for a long time, and thus forgot why I'm isolated. Recently I noticed that, even though I'm anxious to initiate a conversation, I hardly connect with people, even when I'm not anxious. It seems that I don't make eye contact the right way, if any, I say things I shouldn't say, and later I discover after some thought that what I said was inappropriate, I do't know how to stand and where to put my hands, .... etc. Things that I do that don't make others feel comfortable, and thus I feel uncomfortable even more than before.

To deal with this I just do what I love - Writing music. Now I don't know what you do, but for me I try and sort of put the emotion into the music. I do it because it's one of the few things that can comfort me. In my head, I say to myself that I know I may not fit in with others, I may be antisocial, have my problems which causes me to not fit in, but it doesn't stop me from doing what helps me feel at ease. Whatever you do, whether its writing, reading or staring off into oblivion for 15 straight minutes (Kinda similar to what I do besides making music), you just gotta do it to bring you to the place to where there is nothing or nobody to fit in with. When you do this, you're fitting in with yourself, and that's a good thing to do. You learn more things about yourself than you think you know.

My brain rejects most of the social life anyway, so I just stick with whatever makes me think in my head, "Wow, now THAT is soothing." The power of music, eh?

Well, I guess I can do many things alone and be content, but I don't want that. But when I try to socialize I fail miserably. This is my life so far.

I hear you. I fail all the time at it too. At least it is better knowing there are others like us :P Thank lord we're not alone.