[Thinkingloud]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I have been seeing a therapist for 3 years now as i was sexually abused as a child by my brother. For my whole life i pretended it didnt happen but im so sick of keeping his secret now.
My mother doesnt know about this - or at least i think she doesnt. I tried to tell her once when i was a child but she didnt believe me and dismissed it.
My sister knows because he tried it on with her but she says he never did anything to her.

Anyway, to cut long story short. I cant stand my brother. To me, he is an abuser and he makes me feel horrible when im around him. So as i dont live with him i try to avoid seeing him. Anyway we always celebrate christmas together as a family - mainly because mum wants it this way. My brother bought me loads of stuff for christmas. He never really liked my sister (thats probably why he didnt abuse her) so he didnt buy her as much as he bought me. I have a friend and he saw a picture of her and probably fell in love. I told my friend the truth about my brother. He is not a nice guy. He found out and stopped talking to me. She has a little girl and im not going to let him hurt her too.
Anyway he completely deleted me out of his life. Blocked me on facebook. Before he messaged me and said he's sad that im not like a real sister. It makes me want to tell him how can i be after what hes done. If i go to my mum's and he comes there and sees me there, he turns around and then says he cant be around me or he's done with me.
What makes me angry is that fact that he makes me look like i have done something wrong. I feel guilty for telling my friend the truth but then i think it is his secret and not mine - why should i keep quiet and what is he did anything to her little girl. I would never forgive myself.
I so want to tell him what i think of him and what hes done to me and that i will not be quiet about it any more but im scared and im not sure why im scared. I know my mum would not be able to cope with this if she knew - she suffers with depression and cant cope with anything these days.
I find it hard to cope with my feelings myself.
There is so much stuff going on with my family and i find it difficult to stay strong.
I wanted to get this off my chest and any advice or words of wisdom would be very appreciated.
Thank you

Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk

[Skeezyks]

Hello Thinkingloud: So... since this was your first post here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Well... everything you wrote makes perfect sense to me. From my perspective, you're correct. This is your brother's secret not yours. But it also makes sense that even though you want so badly to tell him what you think of him, & what he did to you, it's scary. Plus you do have to take into consideration the impact this might have on other family members & your relationships with them. Perhaps, in the best of all possible worlds, this would not be a consideration. But the reality is that it is.

I don't know that I have any words of wisdom I can offer. I do think it's a good thing that you're seeing a therapist. Hopefully this person can help you to figure out the best way to proceed. It's a difficult situation. The one thing I will say is that you didn't cause any of this. And it's not your responsibility to carry the burden at the expense of your own happiness. So from my perspective, as long as it is done thoughtfully & with consideration, whatever you need to do in order to heal is okay. I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find peace within...

[Apanthropos]

Welcome to pc forums. Sorry to hear about what you went through and what you are going through now. Now, personally I think you should do whatever you believe is right. You are not doing anything wrong if you explain to someone about how you feel - And naturally as humans we do need to express ourselves to get things off our backs. Don't let him say you did anything wrong because you are simply expressing yourself and nothing more. As for telling everybody and him, you should think about what words to say carefully. I have had an experience with people for that kind of thing, and trust me when I say that if you say words the wrong way, it sometimes may not end well. But the truth is the truth. If you are going to speak, make sure you have nothing but the truth about your feelings and what he did.

Oh, and remember if you need some people to talk to get through a rough time, plenty of people including myself are able to speak to you here on the pc forums. Just an option but just in case you ever did want to speak to someone.

I wish you nothing but good luck for the times to come.