[BlueCrustacean]

Judging by my emotional state, you would think I'm devastated by a breakup or other massive failure and trying to recover, but no- I got a lot done on my project yesterday and started feeling really proud of myself and anticipating big future success and my whole life changing for the better. EVERY time this happens, my mood starts to swing into depression, anger, feeling unloved and utterly worthless, etc.

What is wrong with me? Why do I keep falling apart every single time I start getting successful and productive?

[Yzen]

Sometimes after I accomplish something, I start worrying that now expectations will be much higher and I will get in over my head. It is like I find something else to worry about instead of enjoying the accomplishment.

I also think people that were told in their past that their accomplishments were never 'good enough' have trouble enjoying success because they hear (subconsciously) those voices from the past that told them it still isn't good enough. I am not sure that applies to you.

[BlueCrustacean]

Oh it definitely applies. All my life growing up my dad never really acknowledged or praised what I accomplished, only ignored it and then criticized everything that was wrong with me (and the rest of the family), and my mom was always full of fears and low self-esteem (only worsened by my dad's cruel criticisms), so yes, all my life I've always internalized that my best is never good enough, no matter how hard I try. I'm such a hard perfectionist and I ALWAYS berate myself internally for not working hard enough or not doing a good enough job.

Originally Posted by BlueCrustacean

Judging by my emotional state, you would think I'm devastated by a breakup or other massive failure and trying to recover, but no- I got a lot done on my project yesterday and started feeling really proud of myself and anticipating big future success and my whole life changing for the better. EVERY time this happens, my mood starts to swing into depression, anger, feeling unloved and utterly worthless, etc.

What is wrong with me? Why do I keep falling apart every single time I start getting successful and productive?

Have you been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome? I once watched a documentary about it, and in it there was this guy who described something like what you said. Try to resist and talk positively to yourself all the time.

[Pikku Myy]

I don't know how to explain what I went thru... as a bipolar member here. I went thru building a small empire in a manic mode/energy. I was too busy just creating and making things happen. I feel into deep depression for 3 years.. did some of my best work in this state as well. I never felt good about bragging nor taking credit for what I did. I almost feel embarrassed. I grosses close to 1M in professional fees several years back, now zero zero. What ever you are dealing with, give yourself credit and time to think good luck

You said it. You are a perfectionist. I am too. There is never anyone on the OCPD forum but check to see if any of those traits fit?