I feel wrong

Nimitri · Jul 05, 2016, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I've noticed these "wrong" feelings are triggered by trying to make contact with other people. This has especially been pronounced with my T. Every time I share something I get the overwhelming feeling. I have talked to T about it a bit, but I don't think he really understands much yet. It's an overwhelming feeling and it doesn't make sense for the situations.

The CBT stuff was interesting, but this isn't a thought this is a feeling. An overpowering feeling that puts me in a dark place. I have to fight it. I don't understand it.

Thoughts affect feelings. Feelings are nothing but thoughts and CBT is the tool to help you. Okay, you can see a lot of what I'm telling you on this page. Please try to read it. It might put things into context but I understand you. I also believed the same, the difference between thoughts and feelings and the dark place that inhabit my mind, but if you change your thoughts, it will change your feelings and they will affect your thoughts and this is how you unravel this ocean of negativity and pain.

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...lace-to-start/

BrazenApogee · Jul 06, 2016, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimitri

Thoughts affect feelings. Feelings are nothing but thoughts and CBT is the tool to help you. Okay, you can see a lot of what I'm telling you on this page. Please try to read it. It might put things into context but I understand you. I also believed the same, the difference between thoughts and feelings and the dark place that inhabit my mind, but if you change your thoughts, it will change your feelings and they will affect your thoughts and this is how you unravel this ocean of negativity and pain.

I appreciate the reference and the input. I don't agree that feelings are just about thoughts. Some are, yes, but not all. Feelings are a language from the body, not all of that is verbal or cognitive.

BrazenApogee · Jul 06, 2016, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimitri

No. If it's just like me it's an overwhelming sense of responsibility. That it's your duty to be perfect, to protect and grant happiness, safety and so many other things to people around you. That the unhappiness of others and their health are your burden and so you must act and there is no such thing as second chances, to fail, to not be the elite human.

Not really for me. It's more like and intrinsic feeling of wrongness. Not a guilt "I have done wrong" but more a shame "I am wrong."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimitri

Could it be self-pity? I don't know but I can tell you this. You must have compassion for yourself. Whatever the reason is, you must have compassion. And yes, a little or a lot of self-pity. It might be that you had such a little pity for yourself, so little apology for your actions that it's creating this sensation of wrongness. For me it's a weight on my shoulders and back it's a fear that I'm wasting my life, my opportunities, that I'm burning my bridges and that a successful person should work 12 hours a day, have a group of 10 friends, house, wife, be a self-made man that can and will made this world better.

It is more like I shouldn't exist. Every time I reach out to someone, like my T, I feel overwhelmed that I have done a very bad thing because I shouldn't exist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nimitri

it was not until now that I had started to be compassion with me, to have pity and accept my limitations that my feeling of wrongness had abated, that I can fight this emotion and let it go from my life day to day.

Compassion is a wonderful gift to ourselves and each other. I am learning this. I am glad your feeling of wrongness has abated. Mine does by degrees, when I reach out to T and he responds kindly. I think it's that my body thinks bad things are going to happen if I get close to anyone.

kamikazebaby · Jul 11, 2016, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

I've noticed these "wrong" feelings are triggered by trying to make contact with other people. This has especially been pronounced with my T. Every time I share something I get the overwhelming feeling. I have talked to T about it a bit, but I don't think he really understands much yet. It's an overwhelming feeling and it doesn't make sense for the situations.

The CBT stuff was interesting, but this isn't a thought this is a feeling. An overpowering feeling that puts me in a dark place. I have to fight it. I don't understand it.

This is the same for me. It's that I'm sensitive to criticism and invalidation and other people are full of criticism and invalidation. Since therapy, I can recognize it far more easily, and it is AMAZING how much people do it every day under the label of "helping". Same way the lovely family used to "help". It just makes me want to hurt them!

BrazenApogee · Jul 12, 2016, 05:43 PM

Yes, I have had this problem too. Telling me a list of things that you think is wrong with me is not helping. It is hurting.

kamikazebaby · Jul 12, 2016, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

Yes, I have had this problem too. Telling me a list of things that you think is wrong with me is not helping. It is hurting.

I actually said exactly that the other day to my mother. I'd love to make this a sign to hold up when people are picking/trashing. It is never kind or helpful when people engage in that. They sense the vulnerable places and target then.

This approach...it makes the person the problem. It doesn't deal with the problem itself. And it's especially damaging and poisonous to people who are more sensitive than rocks.

BrazenApogee · Jul 13, 2016, 03:47 PM

It is shaming.

kamikazebaby · Jul 13, 2016, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrazenApogee

It is shaming.

Absolutely. It's everywhere.

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