[BrunetteBabe1005]

I need to vent. Since I have nobody to turn to. I will be short by saying I was there for my family and cousins. They grew up with drug addict mothers so my mom and my grandmother had to to take the load of taking care of 6 children plus me and my brother because my mother wasn't an addict, and had her life together. So we grew up like brothers and sisters, my one aunt died of a heroin overdose, and the other one recovered after 20 years, and now thinks she's better than everyone. My cousins were in poverty, and the money my dad gave me went to them, it felt like a job always providing for them, rides, money, food, etc. All I did was put my heart and soul into them, and helped them all the time, anytime when they needed me. i basically put my life on hold, for them to have jobs and be successful and go to college.

Well, I hit 21, and I noticed they were taking advantage of me, so I backed off. My family is trash, and disrespected me. My best friend who was my soulmate, my soul sister, died in August of 2015. My family did not support me at all, when i was the one that found her dead, and people blamed me for her death. I had harrassing emails, calls, and texts from people i don't even know blaming me, saying I am a murderer, a piece of crap friend, a druggie, an enabler, and they were gonna find me and kill me. When I am not any of that. I was Designated Driver because I am a studious girl, but my friend Shayla was a partyer, and I liked the party scene because I am a social girl, but the most i would have is two drinks maximum, as I have stomach issues, and I never took an illegal drug in my life. I was the one getting everyone home safely. Well, Shayla didn't tell me what all she took that night. She kept what she did a secret. People thought I just didn't care about her, and dropped her off at her house, thinking I knew what she took, when I thought she just drank alcohol. The coroner called me and I almost fell off my chair when she said she took oxy, valium, molly, ecstasy, heroin, and alcohol. I did not know that yet, I am being labeled as something I am not. It was a really traumatizing what I went through, and to find her lifeless, and my family refused to give me support because they were holding onto to the fact that I called them "trash" 3 months prior.

I am still not over her death. She was my everything, and I lost her. I am still labeled to this day as something I am not. It hurts me to the core because people just judge me instead of getting to know me, and seeing I am not a druggie or any of that.

Well, I will get back to the point. It hurt me that I was there for my cousins through thick and thin, and yet they couldn't offer me support when I was suicidal, and I was on suicide watch. There was a distance. So my brother came back from Canada and is visiting for a month. My cousin came over after like 3 months, and greeted him with a hug and an "I love and miss you", when she saw me she just looked at me, and I smiled and said "Nice to see you Robbie." She just said "Hi", and walked by me, and I went upstairs, so it bothered me how distant she was, and how rude she was towards me so I came back downstairs, and I asked her a simple question, I didn't approach her aggressively. I said "Robbie, I noticed you have been distant with me, do you have a problem with me, and if so why? I would really like to know." She blew up and said "Yeah I don't f****ing like you, and I always hated you. You are a piece of S***." I said "Wow, after all I've done for you, and this is how you treat me? You don't have to be so cruel, when I am asking you a simple question." My brother jumps in and says "You're starting trouble. You always have to play victim, and start trouble." I said "I am not playing victim. I am asking why she has a problem with me?" He kept sticking up for her, as she keeps calling me C***, and keeps insulting me calling me a retard also. She acted crazy and just went ballistic, and yet my brother was sticking up for her. I was calm the whole time. I was being rational and she even told my mother to shut the f up in her own house. She was being disrespectful, and made a point she always hated me. I said "I am sorry I ever helped you and your family then." She said "F you, you psycho B****." SO I made her leave. It left me in tears that she was that cruel. I can't believe all what she said to me, and the disloyalty between my brother is disgusting. I am so heartbroken, and my mom kisses their asses, and did not stick up for me like she should, she was just yelling at her to stop and to not be so mean. But my mom still kisses their asses. Just makes me upset. I am so hurt, and feel alone. I lost my only friend who had my back and if she was there she would've maturely stuck up for me, and made sure I was ok afterwards.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Grief is a long painful process. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain and that you are being treated so terribly. Often, esp. when someone young dies suddenly, people close to the deceased for many reasons feel the need to blame whoever was "last to see them"... It's not your fault. I know that self blame can traumatizing enough without others misplacing their own feelings of helplessness, guilt, and lack of acceptance on your shoulders. In the short term as much as you can it maybe best to avoid contact and communication with those individuals. Deal with your grief and loss first... they need to do their own work too. Hopefully most of these individuals will come around and apologize once they reach some kind of acceptance and peace.. in the meantime, keep writing here, take advantage of the grief and loss forums, and try to find a grief counselor, or if you are religious at all most faith leaders are trained in grief counseling as well. Also look for bereavement support groups maybe a little out of your immediate area where you can feel safe discussing your thoughts and feelings w/o dreading running into the persecuting mob. My sincerest condolences.