[Monarch Butterfly]

If someone mentions they don't like my eyeglasses, the color of my lipstick etc it doesn't bother me. However if the judgment is about a personal matter it cuts right through me. I'm a survivor of domestic violence. Instead of support, parents, siblings and friends have judged and blamed me. People who I thought were my friends turned their backs on me. Yet I was there for these friends when they had problems. I even had a few doctors judge me because of the abuse- seeking treatment for old injuries.

Now I don't like discussing it with anybody. Not that I make it a habit of doing so. After judgment from doctors I would lie and say the past injury is from a fall. They certainly don't judge you on that. I'm quiet at doctors appointments and become very anxious if it's an old injury from the abuse.

How do you deal with judgment from others?

[purpleboots]

It's very easy, and LAZY, to blame the abused than the abuser. Try not to take it personally because the shortcoming is theirs to overcome, not yours! When it comes to professionals, don't stay with the ones that blame you. It takes a while to find the right doctors and therapist. I can tell you that much. So keep looking for the ones that match with you.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Thanks purpleboots. The doctors who judged me on my first visit I never returned to. Due to judgment from many people , I automatically brace myself for judgment from others all th time. I try to tell myself it's their problem.

[winter4me]

It is their problem.
There are doctors/care providers out there who will not judge, who will help, and understand. I had a similar problem but luckily found a doc, and others, who helped. I settled on my doc when I told him, at first meeting, what my issues were to judge his reaction---(after going through a few others...) & when he said "sounds reasonable to me" I said "you are my doc"---he is retired now, but i have an APRN who is young but just as supportive etc... Best luck. (I did move from one practitioner in the office to another when I did not feel ok about the person they 'assigned' me to after the doc's retirement.)----

[Finniky]

I was a victim of domestic abuse and violence, from my sister. She punched me, kicked me, screamed at me, threw things at me like rocks and caused bleeding gashes, forced me to lock myself in rooms for hours or she would beat me, constant verbal abuse.. every day. I flinched whenever people even moved around me. I was always scared.

I don't talk about it because it makes people uncomfortable, so uncomfortable they even turn negative towards me. People rarely 'speak up' about their abuse in life, and so, if you do, sometimes people feel like you are burdening them with your own troubles, and they lash at you. Or trying to get attention, or exaggerating and a whole host of things so they can make sense of and lessen the severity of your situation in their mind and feel better for themselves. Or at least that's how it happened when I've talked about it.

I feel a great deal of rage and resentment to the friends and family that 'rushed' to the side of my abusive ex when I left. He actually is an actor so the 'poor me' routine he poured on was apparently quite convincing. I kept mum about what I endurred while it was happening but still, the inappropriate behaviour he publically did was alarming enough that people ought to have questioned his very morality and lack of respect for me. It is alarming and painful that 6 years later my friends - and family - are still friends with him. But that is the type of person he is. Extremely charismatic, he is surrounded by people who want to go along for the ride. Jusgement seems to have gone out the window for them. Obviously it is I who is the one being judged.

[purpleboots]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I feel a great deal of rage and resentment to the friends and family that 'rushed' to the side of my abusive ex when I left. He actually is an actor so the 'poor me' routine he poured on was apparently quite convincing. I kept mum about what I endurred while it was happening but still, the inappropriate behaviour he publically did was alarming enough that people ought to have questioned his very morality and lack of respect for me. It is alarming and painful that 6 years later my friends - and family - are still friends with him. But that is the type of person he is. Extremely charismatic, he is surrounded by people who want to go along for the ride. Jusgement seems to have gone out the window for them. Obviously it is I who is the one being judged.

I've been through something similar, highly charismatic people can be the biggest narcissists out there and therefore, extremely problematic to have in your life. They will turn everyone against you and they will make you suffer for no reason, or for whatever it is that their deluded minds think you've done to them. Stay far away and never desire their approval and never take anything they say to heart because they will do/say anything to hurt you.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Finikky and justafriend, I'm sorry to hear about you're abuse It sucks people can be so negative towards victims and survivors.

[Thunder Bow]

Abuse will make one fear Judgment. You are not responsible to what happened to you. As said above. Seek non judgmental doctors and therapist. It is not their job to judge people personally.

As others say, medics should absolutely not judge you, it is not their job - I have a few Dr friends and I'm pleased to say none of them would judge a patient, it is not professional.

Keep on as you are, reminding yourself any judgement belongs to the person it came from - not you - who are they to judge you anyway? Did they walk a mile in your shoes?

[Monarch Butterfly]

True. People who have not been abused probably don't know the dynamics. The doctors who made comments I never returned to. I guess I need to tell myself not all of them will judge me.

[Monarch Butterfly]

I just realized something. When I had to fill in my pre-op forms I added PTSD and receiving treatment. The day of the surgery nobody judged me about the PTSD. Last year I added the same thing for my other surgery, no judging comments. I suppose writing it on the forms was easier than saying it verbally.