[Something is Wrong]

It's weird. I just cannot seem to come to love anybody. Since I was a child my family has been a little detached. Nobody has said "I love you" to anybody. My parents always hated each other (the only reason they're together currently is because of me and my siblings). I remember when I was 5 I asked my mom if she loves dad and she said love isn't real and it's something created by the media to make money. I believed her. I didn't believe in love for a long time afterwards. No love for anybody, not my family and not my friends.

Now I'm lost. I have a bestfriend and whenever she's leaving we give a hug with an "I love you". I hesitate to say this. It's weird. She's my best friend and I don't love her. Whenever I force myself to say that to her I feel like I'm lying. We've been friends for a while now and I probably have said it twice or thrice whereas she says it all the time. I just don't get it.

Then there's my boyfriend. Been in a relationship with him for 4 months and friends for 7 before that. He says he's wildly and passionately in love with me. He would literally do anything for me and he says I'm his whole world. But I don't feel the same. Don't get me wrong though, he's so important to me, I admire him a lot, and I would hate to lose him but I don't feel "love". I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I be passionately in love with him? I feel like he fell in love with the wrong person, a person that can never give him love. I care about him a lot. When he's sick I make sure I can do whatever I possibly can to make him feel better. if he wants to go somewhere far with me I'll pack my bags and go with him. But I don't think I love him.

What's the problem with me? Why am I unable to love? I feel so awkward when my best friend/boyfriend tell me that they love me. It takes me a lot of courage to even say anything slightly as affectionate back. Even when my boyfriend says he thinks I'm the most amazing woman in the world I find it difficult to look him in the eyes and say the same back to him. I end up just looking away, pausing, and then apologizing for acting cold when he says that (Does anybody know how to help this?? I really need help for this because I'm acting very cold). im just unable to show affection like that. How do I even deserve somebody that gives me their all while I give nothing in return? I act so cold and unaffectionate. I feel horrible and I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I feel like it's destroying my relationships. Thanks.

'

I don't know what's going on but could it be that you just haven't found someone that you really love yet? Maybe you are capable of love but you hold it in high regard. Some people (like me) have love for many. I give it too freely and get hurt. I think one day you will feel it when you have children. It is the most amazing gift of life to be a parent. When that day comes, I have no doubt you will feel love. There is no need to try to manufacture it. Nature will show you the way.

[Nimportequoi]

Hello Something is Wrong
From what you describe, you care about your boyfriend, he is very important for you, you would go "anywhere" with him and be there with him when he's ill.
Could it be that you feel love, but can't admit this feeling to yourself because you learned to surpress it in your family?
You said you asked your mom whether she loved your dad when five. This caused a deja vue in me because I did the exact same thing when I was five! With my parents, it was obvious that my father didn't love my mother, even though she used to deny it.
I think what happens to a child that gets told there is no such thing as love, of course (which is my opinion) this child feels love themself, but the belief to be a human exception in being capable of love would cause the child to be sad, deeply disapoointed and anxious (maybe I'm projecting too much of myself into you, don't know) and this child would seek to deny, disconnect and "through away" all feelings of love it might have to escape the feeling of emotional pain and disappointment that it is causing to love without reciprocation.
I'd suggest you to talk openly about what you are experiencing with your boyfriend. Tell him the exact things you wrote in here. This way he won't get hurt or upset, and you don't have to hide something.-
Hope my answer has been of some benefit for you.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Maybe it stems from you're parents and childhood. Growing up in a home where parents hated each other, nobody said I love you could suppress love feelings. I can relate. I grew up in a home where I love you was never said, parents had a rocky relationship. Plus there was abuse. I have difficulty saying I love you too. I'm not in a relationship.

I would discuss with you're bf what you're experiencing. It will help him understand why you are feeling this way.

Originally Posted by Something is Wrong

It's weird. I just cannot seem to come to love anybody. Since I was a child my family has been a little detached. Nobody has said "I love you" to anybody. My parents always hated each other (the only reason they're together currently is because of me and my siblings). I remember when I was 5 I asked my mom if she loves dad and she said love isn't real and it's something created by the media to make money. I believed her. I didn't believe in love for a long time afterwards. No love for anybody, not my family and not my friends.

Now I'm lost. I have a bestfriend and whenever she's leaving we give a hug with an "I love you". I hesitate to say this. It's weird. She's my best friend and I don't love her. Whenever I force myself to say that to her I feel like I'm lying. We've been friends for a while now and I probably have said it twice or thrice whereas she says it all the time. I just don't get it.

Then there's my boyfriend. Been in a relationship with him for 4 months and friends for 7 before that. He says he's wildly and passionately in love with me. He would literally do anything for me and he says I'm his whole world. But I don't feel the same. Don't get me wrong though, he's so important to me, I admire him a lot, and I would hate to lose him but I don't feel "love". I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I be passionately in love with him? I feel like he fell in love with the wrong person, a person that can never give him love. I care about him a lot. When he's sick I make sure I can do whatever I possibly can to make him feel better. if he wants to go somewhere far with me I'll pack my bags and go with him. But I don't think I love him.

What's the problem with me? Why am I unable to love? I feel so awkward when my best friend/boyfriend tell me that they love me. It takes me a lot of courage to even say anything slightly as affectionate back. Even when my boyfriend says he thinks I'm the most amazing woman in the world I find it difficult to look him in the eyes and say the same back to him. I end up just looking away, pausing, and then apologizing for acting cold when he says that (Does anybody know how to help this?? I really need help for this because I'm acting very cold). im just unable to show affection like that. How do I even deserve somebody that gives me their all while I give nothing in return? I act so cold and unaffectionate. I feel horrible and I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I feel like it's destroying my relationships. Thanks.

Oh hun, I'm not surprised you are having doubts about your ability to love with your upbringing. How terribly, terribly regrettable that your mother chose to share her own disappointment at the very age you were learning about the world and your place in it.

Have you read about childhood emotional neglect? It might be helpful:

How Childhood Emotional Neglect Affects Relationships | World of Psychology

If you feel able to share this with your friend and boyfriend it might also be helpful.

One thing life has taught me about the concept of 'love' is that it means different things to different people, we all have our own communication styles and 'love languages'. For instance my husband rarely says he loves me but he shows it in actions, such as you did when you took care of your boyfriend when he was sick. So you see love is not just words, it's actions, and it sounds like you have been doing those. Don't feel like you have to emulate others communication styles, work with yours. Love comes in many different guises, and no it's not just something made up by Hollywood, the reality is so much more ordinary but no less special.

Take care.