[black-roses]

I hate everyone I hate my friends my family I think everyone should die painfully especially all those douchebags that betrayed me open colleges for making me pay for entire courses every male **** that has ever hurt me I just want everyone to die painfully for all the pain i am going through. if these boys were dead id finally be happy they are pieces of ****. i am tired of caring more to betrayed have my trust broken i honestly feel like everybody should die. You will never understand the anger i feel for letting myself be betrayed and now i want every boy that ever hate me to feel my suffering. I will not be avenged until they all suffer like i have

[adam_k]

What happened?

[~Christina]

Hun , Are you in any type of Therapy? Meds?

It's apparent on all the threads you have you going on so much pain , anger and hurt and on so many.... if not all levels ....

I hope that by venting all this this here is in some way helping you. But I do think you really need a Therapist to help you learn healthy way to improve your life and not just circling around and around in such a dark place.

[Crazy Hitch]

There's no such thing as 'justice' per say under these circumstances.

So whilst you may seek some kind of mental 'vengeance' against those you perceive as having betrayed you, reality is, karma doesn't always bite people in the bum if you want it to.

I'm afraid you'll never find inner peace if this is what you seek.

[black-roses]

I keep waking up late and then its too late to take my dexies and antidepressants. Then I become psychotic and crazy at least now I know my problem was me not going after the things I wanted but taking up any ****** thing just because I felt worthless. I guess I need to be giving my peace back to me

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I keep waking up late and then its too late to take my dexies and antidepressants. Then I become psychotic and crazy at least now I know my problem was me not going after the things I wanted but taking up any ****** thing just because I felt worthless. I guess I need to be giving my peace back to me

Can't you set an alarm for your meds? You really should be taking those as prescribed by your doctor. Or alternatively discuss with your doctor a time to take them with their approval if waking up late is not going to work for you.

You need a bit of self forgiveness there ... we all stuff up, to different degrees, and have to accept what was and then focus on how we can better ourselves in the future.

[black-roses]

That's very true, I woke up at 5am today because my PMS awaken me and then I fell asleep again and only woke up at 1pm to drink a litre of water before going to the ultrasound appointment

[divine1966]

Please take your Meds regularly. I am not sure wast you mean wake up late, then take your Meds late. Or start waking up on time. You don't work, there is no need to sleep in. Call your doctor and tell them how you feel

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[black-roses]

I sleep in because it is better than my mother who isnt like a mother to me. I dont even feel she is my mother

[black-roses]

Everyone is an alien to me, I am in a family that is not mine I dont even know who is my family. There just random people. I was candles and salt in my room and then there was just yelling and all of a sudden people kicking me out. It would be good if I was gone for good.

[black-roses]

My mother is a self pityist piece of **** that blames others for her life and that is why I hate her.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by black-roses

It would be good if I was gone for good.

That's a pretty serious intrusive thought.

Consider ringing a crisis line if you need to.

None of us want to see you do something drastic.

[Crazy Hitch]

Have you considered contacting headspace?

I know they do great work with people here in Aus.

Here's their link:

headspace National Youth Mental Health Foundation » headspace

They'd be my first recommendation.

Beyond Blue are pretty good too:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Have you got a Mental Health Plan by your Doctor?

You're entitled to 6 visits to a psychologist that Medicare will pay for.

Then your Doctor will review your progress.

[black-roses]

i dont care. i should be dead so i stop being abused for the piece of **** i am and the stop and self destructive things i am

[black-roses]

I dont care anymore. People really need to stop trying to waste their time helping me it will be better when I am dead. Peace for others forever I have nothing to achieve i AM WASTING EVERYONES TIME AND DRAGGING EVERYONE DOWN AND MAKING THEM CRAZY. I NEED TO DIE

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by black-roses

i dont care. i should be dead so i stop being abused for the piece of **** i am and the stop and self destructive things i am

Yes. I acknowledge this is how you feel.

Lifeline are quite good too.

I've had to ring them before and they're pretty good at listening

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

[black-roses]

Its not about intrusive thoughts its about needing to be dead for others good and better

[Crazy Hitch]

What distraction techniques do you use?

I like listening to music when I'm wound up.

Epic fail compilations on YouTube help too. Hard to be angry and laugh at people being cluts at the same time

[black-roses]

I like listening to music and cat fail compilations, I just can't help feeling like I lose people because I am crazy

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by black-roses

I like listening to music and cat fail compilations, I just can't help feeling like I lose people because I am crazy

Those cat compilations are hilarious!!! Any animal fail ones are pretty epic.

Feeling like you're crazy huh?

Join the club! Crazy is, after all, my username!

[black-roses]

Crazy isnt all that bad as long as you realize that everyone is a little crazy I had a seroquel earlier had a nap and now the intrusive nasty thoughts are gone. Its amazing how anxiety can wear you down

[Tsukiko]

Please seek real, professional help before something happens.

[divine1966]

Seek help and start taking your Meds regularly

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hope things get better for you.

(((((hugs))))

[LiteraryLark]

Okay, so why exactly are you not taking your meds?

There should be a three-or-four-hour window where it is okay to take them.

I take 1200mg lithium and 10mg zyprexa every night even though the label says take one pill in the morning and 3 pills at night. I take them within three hours of bedtime, and my Dad has an alarm set so I don't forget.

I am only speaking on terms of lithium and zyprexa, but for those drugs I've spoken with my pdocs and I can take them all at night. When I was dx I started out taking half in the morning and half in the evening, but for me it was too complicated so I asked them if I can take them all at once at night because that was the easiest time for me to remember.

My point for this anecdote is that you need to ask your doctors if it is possible to take them all at once either at night, day, or noon, whatever you find is easiest to take them. Then set your alarm on your phone and when it goes off set everything down and don't do anything else until you have taken them. Take them every single day, because you know what happens when you don't take them. You HAVE to take your meds. I can assume you are taking them randomly, every other day, or not at all. Being bipolar, I get manic or depressed if I take them every other day, which, after having a total mental breakdown, my Dad set an alarm so I don't forget. Your mom is not responsible to make sure you take your medication. Neither is my dad. He just likes to help, but it is my sole responsibility to take them, or I get manic/depressed. The same for you. You are solely responsible for taking your meds. You are 20 years old, your mom does not need to remind you to take your meds. That is YOUR responsibility. You need to take them every single day or you will become suicidal and flash your tits on a webcam, which you shouldn't be doing either. I can assure you, if you took your meds everyday, you wouldn't be wanting to be a cam girl. That's the off-med black-roses. Take your meds every single day. You cannot afford to skip. Because you will come on here angry and sad and suicidal. Make a goal: Take your meds for 2 weeks straight. Once you take it for 2 weeks straight, you will have establish a routine and it will be easier to keep taking them. Take your meds every single day! Talk to your pdoc about being able to take them all at once, then set your alarm, and take them every single day. It is so important, which is why I am saying it over and over again, take your meds every day. It is your sole responsibility, not your mom's. Yours. Take your meds every day.