[smartiesparty]

I have noticed that I find myself very stressed when there are kids (of 'talking age') present and I'm scared of them.

It's like kids have a free pass to say whatever they want just because they're young, so they can also say that I'm ugly or stupid or weird in front of company, and this usually makes the adults laugh while telling them 'you can't just say that'. I have had a lot of kids say in front of my family and friends that 'I'm weird' and so my family and friends are embarrassed because I'm very tense and too quiet that even a kid would notice I'm behaving weirdly because of my social anxiety.

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

I have noticed that I find myself very stressed when there are kids (of 'talking age') present and I'm scared of them.

It's like kids have a free pass to say whatever they want just because they're young, so they can also say that I'm ugly or stupid or weird in front of company, and this usually makes the adults laugh while telling them 'you can't just say that'. I have had a lot of kids say in front of my family and friends that 'I'm weird' and so my family and friends are embarrassed because I'm very tense and too quiet that even a kid would notice I'm behaving weirdly because of my social anxiety.

I'm assuming you're talking about very young kids who have yet to learn about manners and etiquette rather than older kids (over age 10 or so) who should have learned this by now but are ill-mannered.

I guess if these are kids whose parents you know you could have a quiet word and explain about your discomfort, because really they shouldn't be laughing it off as it gives out the wrong message to kids. Just saying "You can't just say that" isn't adequate, it doesn't explain why it is not acceptable. IMHO this is an issue with the parents and poor parenting, not the children.

Even young children can understand about others feelings if it is explained properly, so something like "Smartiesparty is feeling a bit worried/and or sad, today but we can help them by being kind", so if you know the parents maybe suggest this gently.

If these are children and parents who you don't know then if you are feeling able to maybe explain simply to the child "Yes, I'm not feeling very well today so I am a little quiet" or something along those lines. Whatever your comfort zone is, whatever words feel right to you.

The thing I find is that children are indeed honest, and so they respond best to honestly from the grown ups around them. Children may be unintentionally rude but they are capable of understanding as long as information is broken down appropriately to them. In fact as adults we are doing them a disservice if we don't help them learn and understand. Who knows, one day they may be the 'weird' one, and chances are they'll come across MI within their family and friends at some point or other.

Other than these suggestions I can only suggest avoiding the trigger situation but that may not be possible or helpful long term.

I was in the video store back in the mid 90's still reeling from a couple of breakdowns and a young towhead all of 6 years old came around the aisle and shrieked loudly ... Watch out fat lady! ... I couldn't help but bust out laughing at him, realizing he hadn't been taught appropriate behavior when out in public ... His perfect gym body soccer mom came around the corner with a smirk on her face and tried to falsely apologize while scrutinizing my obesity.

I told her it was okay, that her little angel couldn't help what his parents had failed to teach him and that somewhere down life's road that, sadly, he'd be the one to pay the price for it ... That wiped the smirk right off her face and I simply walked away, patting the little one gently on the head as I walked on by.

Hope that helps to keep it in perspective when it happens in the future ... I get so tired of children having to pay the ultimate price - and they do - when adults fail at teaching a child how to behave appropriately then blame that child for doing things that they don't know any better not to.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

[Thunder Bow]

Kids can be mean. I would blame it on their parents. I had them call me "Cowboy" and even try to trip me once. It all mirrors their Parents. I am a 6ft 5in Navajo under a cowboy hat LOL.

[smartiesparty]

I try to blame it on their parents but they just seem to be so mean by themselves...I'm always so scared of their opinion because I know their opinion matters a lot and when a kid says e.g that he/she hates me, people laugh and say it's my fault that the kid hates me and I should change...

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

I try to blame it on their parents but they just seem to be so mean by themselves...I'm always so scared of their opinion because I know their opinion matters a lot and when a kid says e.g that he/she hates me, people laugh and say it's my fault that the kid hates me and I should change...

It's not just their parents. A lot of children act mean because they actually are pretty mean, and they also haven't been indoctrinated into the ways of society yet (re: taught how to pretend that they're not mean while going about being mean in a covert, indirect fashion). And on the whole, there are a lot more so-so or bad people than there are good ones, so you have a decent chance of being harassed by both children and adults throughout life (because people already have their personality blueprint as children).

For me the limit is far earlier than ten. I expect as young as 4 or 5 a child to be learning basic etiquette and how to behave in public. This goes too for the ability to hold a conversation. I think it comes from when a parent is more concerned about being their child's best friend than being a parent - which means instilling responsibility, discipline, and accountability.

I find myself cringing as my anxiety level rises when I see children behaving like idiots in public situatons. I'm talking about places like art galleries, museums, theaters, and the like. When they are visiting someone's home for example I expect them to be 'on their honour' and respectful of the host's home and belongings. Again, 4 or 5 is not too early to instill this.