[Aviza]

Okay I'm starting to feel like my head is spinning and I'm losing it. They treat me very oddly at work, it's hard to ignore. I cannot figure out what kind of power the trainer guy has, normal trainers don't have this kind of power. There is an interest, but at the same time I'm getting very apprehensive and nervous about the whole thing. I am really trying to do my job to the best of my ability. But the wackiness is getting to me.

Desk: Better than my manager, like a ton better. He's in a little desk in the midst of the chaos. I'm at the end, bigger space, near a window. Quiet, bright, nice.

Assistant manager (newbie to lead position), apologized to me, for telling me my doc was not in compliance. Unusual. Managers don't apologize they say this is wrong, fix it. She did not give me the replacement doc I needed, still getting access to what she needs really. So I asked the trainer (guy who professed to love me, tells me I'm extra special, whispers in my ear as I walk by how beautiful I am (not really but ok). Within minutes, there he is, docs in hand. Johnny on the spot!

Supervisor (a male) tells me I need to ask other supervisors these questions, but in a way that has me say. I don't know who they are. A few minutes later, he's like don't worry about it just ask me. (but an e-mail or phone call happened before the turn around).

Now I know this trainer guy really likes me, why I have no idea. Like I said he's a health nut, I'm fat. Sure I'm friendly, bubbly, etc. I have developed a winning personality. Why? Because I used to be the beautiful girl, the one no one liked, no one talked to, everyone hated. I got fat, learned a few skills, and now people love me. I really used to think I had no personality, I worked hard to develop one.

Truth is I'm so attracted to that guy, it's unnerving. He may have gray hair (premature in my opinion my dad was 60's before his hit). However, I'm also so afraid of the power he has. I mean people do what he says, he's the TRAINER! VP's come to his training class? HUH? One day people are telling me he's wacky, and odd duck, the next they're treating me like someone of importance because they have seen that he has an interest in me. If they are an unmarried male (in an age range he thinks I am) they are distancing themselves from me.

The only one treating me seemingly normal is the actual manager, who is married.

Really I know I need to stop trying to understand this, this type of analyzing is why I went crazy in the first place, only than it was my life I was trying to comprehend. I need to let go and let God. How can I do that? My friends don't even want to talk to me about him. None of them. I have 3 close girlfriends, and have reached out to about 5 regarding this situation, even reached out to my mom. No one has given me any kind of insight. Not even my mother!

[Aviza]

Okay that moment has passed. I've determined that the supervisor guy is a friend of his. Reason is I noticed when someone bad mouthed trainer guy, he stepped right in to intervene, and as a supervisor tell me to get back to work.

Anyway, I feel normal now, must have needed some rest. I am crushing on the guy, but in all reality my work comes first.

[handheart]

What realy instinct tell you to do ?

[Aviza]

Trainer avoiding me these days. For the most part. Just happy people are generally nice to me. Met a cute coworker today. Wore a sexy shirt. Lots of attention. Even trainer made an appearance. He's still my favorite but I had a fun day.

[avlady]

i was anorexic as a teenager and had a great figure in my own opinion. then i had a baby and now i'm 200 pounds, loving it and i think alot of men do like heavier woman. i don't think much of beauty except interior and if there are both interior and exterior you'r lucky.

[divine1966]

I had health problem in my mid 30s that made me lose tons of weight. I didn't look healthy. Plus I had trouble eating. I am not very big now but am not thin anymore and do need to lose some. But When i think of that time when i was sick and couldn't eat, I'd rather be fat.

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